Is it Love or Pity?

January 25, 2010 at 1:00 am


Love vs compassion

Did I fall in love, or did I feel compassion and empathy and think it was love? This question is one that is not asked enough. Most of us don’t realize the difference … so we stay in dysfunctional relationships trying to heal to the point of complete sacrifice of ourselves.

How Do You Recognize a Wounded Spirit?
A wounded spirit will almost always bring a sense of sadness upon first meeting, and may reflect a lonely vibration. It may be difficult for them to laugh — and easy for them to cry. Pessimism, whining, and complaining are usually all key signs of a wounded spirit.

How to Tell if it is Love or Pity
Remember the first time you saw a wounded animal? Remember how you felt? It hurt you inside and probably made you cry — even more so if you thought that you could not heal the animal. If you are an especially compassionate and an empathic person, those feelings are very easily confused with love.

What is Love?
What does love feel like? My answer is that love feels good. Love is playful, fun, and freeing. You laugh a lot and cry little. At the end of the day you’re at peace with yourself and the person you love.

Outside of the daily real life challenges, such as illness and loss, which should bring natural compassion an empathy, love should make you feel good about yourself. In the arms of the one you love, you feel happy. You feel warm and fuzzy, and as you drift off to sleep with the one you love, whether on the phone or beside each other, you’re not afraid. Your mind is at complete rest. That is love.

What is Compassion?
Compassion is being aware of the suffering of another with the desire to relieve the suffering.

What is Empathy?
The mix of understanding their feelings and yours. Identifying through the self.

Please call me if you need to talk about what about the difference between real love and a relationship comprised of compassion and empathy. I can help.

Always with love,
Lucrecia

Advice you need. Psychics you can trust.

Share:
comments 48 Comments  

48 Responses to “Is it Love or Pity?”

Leave a Comment

  1. Camille September 27, 2014 at 4:57 am

    Hi I just wanna ask coz I just dumped someone because I felt like the sparks that I have with him before is gone but after I told him that and see his reaction it hurts me a lot.i don’t know if it’s pity that I’m feeling for him or simply because I love him and I am just so stupid to even look for sparks in the way I see him.


  2. Love Triangle December 28, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    I’m lost and afraid. Recently, I was in a relationship with a man who promised me the world. It was love at first sight. Everything fell into the right places. We were happy, ecstatic, nervous, and moving along faster in the relationship than any other. However, we were both okay with the speed because it just didn’t matter. Then, one day, he disappeared. No messages, no contact, no note, or sign for a couple days. I find out later that he had gone back to his long-time ex-girlfriend. I was hurt. I felt betrayed. I felt used and dirty. If he had told me, I would have told him I would wait, but because he didn’t, I don’t know if I could forgive him. He’s still on my mind. I think about the things I want to say to him. I want him to know. Not shortly after, his long-time friend approaches me. His friend was the reason I even knew about his decision to leave me. His friend, although younger, had gone through several broken and abusive relationships. He comforted me through my time of loss. He is loving, kind, protective, and at times dorky. He talks to me constantly always making sure I am happy. Because they are friends, I don’t know if I can trust him. They are so much alike. He has even made a love confession in the same amount of days as his friend. He has share his deepest secrets while I’m scared to show him me. I lost all my trust, faith, and understanding in the actions that the first did. The second one is confused and happy. He admits that he loves me. Does he truly love me or is he and I finding solace in each other after becoming broken?


  3. Love Triangle December 28, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    Dear Lucrecia,

    I’m lost and afraid. Recently, I was in a relationship with a man who promised me the world. It was love at first sight. Everything fell into the right places. We were happy, ecstatic, nervous, and moving along faster in the relationship than any other. However, we were both okay with the speed because it just didn’t matter. Then, one day, he disappeared. No messages, no contact, no note, or sign for a couple days. I find out later that he had gone back to his long-time ex-girlfriend. I was hurt. I felt betrayed. I felt used and dirty. If he had told me, I would have told him I would wait, but because he didn’t, I don’t know if I could forgive him. He’s still on my mind. I think about the things I want to say to him. I want him to know. Not shortly after, his long-time friend approaches me. His friend was the reason I even knew about his decision to leave me. His friend, although younger, had gone through several broken and abusive relationships. He comforted me through my time of loss. He is loving, kind, protective, and at times dorky. He talks to me constantly always making sure I am happy. Because they are friends, I don’t know if I can trust him. They are so much alike. He has even made a love confession in the same amount of days as his friend. He has share his deepest secrets while I’m scared to show him me. I lost all my trust, faith, and understanding in the actions that the first did. The second one is confused and happy. He admits that Ed loves me


  4. Ky28 July 29, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Hi. I read your article and thought you were talking about my situation. Everyone starting out in a new relationship please read this article before making any decisions. This article is right on.

    I was with my husband for over 30 yrs, before I finally left. When I met him, I was in my early 20′s. When we talked he would tell me about his horrible abusive childhood. I was listening to someone that was wounded. I felt so horrible for him. I was raised in a normal childhood and listening to him broke my heart. This is where the pity came in. After dating for 4 yrs we got married. It was a roller coaster ride with him. He never dealt with his childhood issues and would drink to numb himself. I did have 2 beautiful children with him. When I first met him I felt I was in love. But after many years I realized it was not love it was me feeling sorry for him. I had a lot of nights of crying. I had more sad days then good days. I decided to leave after turning 50 yrs old. I feel like I wasted a lot of my life with him. Now I am 53 yrs old and alone and my kids are grown. I would love to find a new love but it hasn’t happened yet. I wonder will I ever been in a relationship again? 6-28-DOB I have had 2 yrs since leaving to figure things out. I feel I can now be in a new relationship and know what I need and want. Will I be in a relationship soon?


  5. Israfel May 15, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Hi, Your article is nice and made me thinking. I am a guy and I donno if I love this girl who is short, dark and no other boys really care about her like they care about other girls. She is quiet in class and I feel oh How lonely she is and started thinking about her.Thinking may be if I proposed her she will be happy. Is it love or pity?


  6. Texan April 9, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    I met a man online and have moved accross the country for him, leaving my husband. But it isn’t the same anymore. He does take care of me and treats me right but it feels different now. Not like I thought it would be. How do I know if he is in love with me or just feeling guilty over me leaving my mariage? I know there have been other women and I have found him talking to more even now. What do I do to get him to tell me the truth? Why is he still with other women and lying to me?


  7. jane clarish January 7, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    hi… i would like to know if my boyfriend is falling in love with other girl or he just feels pity for her? what’s the difference? i mean his moves if his in love for her…


  8. Rikki Uccello December 11, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    Great Post Quick read and informative.


  9. trxsuspension November 28, 2011 at 5:44 am

    Hello. everyone.
    would like to make new friends with you guys.


  10. diamond October 14, 2011 at 3:31 am

    Its reallly help full..i m also having sum similar problem..i really need your help..


  11. Manpreet Sandhu March 8, 2011 at 7:52 am

    hi i really need your help i m in love with my boyfriend from long time but many times i dont like some of his bad habits and talks. I am breaking up with him due to this behaviour and feel like to suicide. He says he loves me but many times dont pick my calls and talk according to his need and mood.I really can’t think of life without him plz suggest me what should i do break up or patch up? Is he my soulmate or someone else. PLEASE give me soon reply i m in severe tension and hurt.
    Regards Lucrecia
    plz help me
    thanx


  12. Lucrecia Ext. 9326 February 9, 2010 at 7:36 am

    Dearest Compassion or Foolishnes,

    Thank you for you writing in.

    Regarding your question of your fiancées sign. I would encourage you to read both the Pisces and Aquarian male. Although he’s technically an Aquarian, rule of thumb within two days either way of the cusp, is to read both signs; then we may take a closer look at the relevant vibrations.

    Regarding compassion or foolishness. I don’t sense you are foolish and yes you are compassionate. Be honest with yourself about your reasons for getting married. I understand how personal this is. Give me a call if you can.

    Always with love,

    Lucrecia
    Ext.9326


  13. Compassion or Foolishnes? February 8, 2010 at 5:29 pm

    I am a gemini born on 6/20, engaged to marry a pisces, but for some reason I don’t always feel in love. What’s worse is that I can’t stop thinking about 2/18 (not sure is that makes him an aquarian). I feel like I’m going crazy!


  14. Lucrecia Ext. 9326 February 6, 2010 at 7:56 am

    Dear Santara,

    Thank you for writing in.

    I have no doubt Santara that your relationship is one of compassion and empathy with traces of love. You’re going to be fine as you already know in your heart this is the case. Have courage now and don’t be afraid to admit this to yourself. What you need now is a plan. If you need help, please give me a call. My spirit guides and I will do all that we can to help you with your journey.

    Always with love,

    Lucrecia
    Ext. 9326


  15. maggiensam February 5, 2010 at 1:38 am

    did you hear what you wrote? you are in it for as long as he allows you to be!? No one is allowed to tell you how long you can stay and that has nothing to do with pity or unconditional love .


  16. Santara February 4, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    Hi. This article was very informative, and it got me thinking about myself.
    Im not sure if im a wounded spirit or not, i dont think i am, but im not 100% sure.
    My boyfrnds dad left his family recently and he broke up with me after that. i felt really bad that i couldnt help him, and share his pain, but he wont let me. Everytime I try, we end up having a HUGE abusive fight, both verbally and physically. I dont know what i should do. i sometimes feel pity for him, but most of all i feel terrible about not being able to help him out in such a situation. i really dont want to leave him alone, both for my sake and his. He is so full of anger, and i so badly want to calm him down. Do i still feel love or am i pity loving him? I think i still feel love, but from the stuff we’ve been saying to each other recently, i just cant be sure anymore.
    i believe we were each other’s true love, but it seems as if it has worn out. can true love just fade away?
    please some advice. im really being crushed, from every side.


  17. Scarce February 3, 2010 at 10:14 pm

    It is clear that a lot of doubt is being raised now that the relationship has been prolonged for several years and families have been made between couples. This origin of doubt derives from one of several sources: fear of lonliness, wanting love and support for a season in one’s life and or fear of breaking your partner down emotionally. But the underlying message is– you should not suffer because you are so considerate and compassionate about someone. You should not suffer because you choose to settle for someone to cure your fear of being alone. By doing these things you are ultimately deteriorating your partner by not allowing them to resolve the issues they have within themselves and by not loving them out of true love. Also, stray away from becoming complacent. So what if you’ve been in a relationship with someone for 10 years, let it go if your heart is not in it. When your heart and true emotions aren’t in something that you’re committed to the product that’s given off is that you will not be your true self and this is unhealthy due to the fact that you’re perpetrating someone else and your partner doesn’t know you for you, which means your relationship’s based on a lie.
    This is why it is pertinent to see what the qualities you prefer in a man, granted you’re probably not going to find the perfect mate and to have boundaries. Never settle for someone. Stay true to yourself and stay focused on the things that mean the most to you. When you lose sight of those things you will find yourself catering to things that mean the least to you because you’re so caught up on trying to get the things that mean the most.
    -Scarce


  18. Shy February 3, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    This really defines my marriage. I DO love my husband but i also ‘pity love’ him. Pity is what kept me going after him in the begining. I thought ‘If i could just make him happy for once in his life then he could move on from his past’ He has such low self esteme, i only wanted to help, i actually felt like i HAD to help him! Then i just got sucked in to everything and the next thing i know we are married.. 5 years and 2 kids later, i still feel the same, i still feel like im just here to help him. I DO love him and i care about what happens to him but i dont feel connected to him like a husband and wife should.. Of course, i could never say this to him! (it would only hurt his feelings!!)


  19. wanda February 3, 2010 at 4:37 pm

    when i first read this i thought oh my god is she talking about us we just had a conversation last night telling each other where we were as far as money was concerned and we realized that one thought the other was able to aid the other if needed, but that person found out that we both was just making ends meet. then i thought today i hope he does not shut down on me i really enjoy our relationship and i’m in it for as long as he would allow me but i do not want pity just unconditional love


  20. Lucrecia Ext. 9326 February 3, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    Dear Sandy,

    Your boyfriend is hurt. Keep the door open. He will get through this, but he needs to face the twists and turns of life. Encourage him to read the story of Romeo & Juliette or stories like this. True love always finds a way. Please give me a call sometime and let me know how you two are doing.

    Always with love,

    Lucrecia
    Ext. 9326


  21. Lucrecia Ext. 9326 February 3, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    Hi Grace,

    Thank you for your questions. You and your husband still love each. You’re in a rut. That’s all it is. You need to renew the enthusiasm in your marriage. There are many ways to do this. We’ve many articles on our site I’m sure will help you. I hope sometime in the future you can call me. Meanwhile focus on how to improve each day together.

    Always with love,

    Lucrecia
    Ext. 9326


  22. Lucrecia Ext. 9326 February 3, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    Hi Jackie,

    Thank your for your questions. Your having doubts and there’s also a breakdown in communication. Your also facing adjustments. We can talk about this if you like. I would also like to share with you what I call the three secrets of love. Every relationship is different. Give me a call please and I will do all I can to help you with this adjustment.

    Always with love,

    Lucrecia
    Ext. 9326


  23. Lucrecia Ext. 9326 February 3, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    Dear Jeetu,

    Thank you for your question.

    You haven’t realized it yet, but you do love your husband. Someday not so far off you will discover this. What do you now? It’s a complicated situation. I believe I can help you sort this out. Give me a call please. I’ll help you all I can.

    Always with love,

    Lucrecia
    Ext.9326


  24. Lucrecia Ext. 9326 February 3, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Dear Mischeifme711,

    Thank you for writing in and sharing your situation.

    I know what you are going through. You have courage and you’re not afraid to be happy.

    This individual is a wounded spirit.

    The universe has someone else waiting to love you with all their hearts.

    I believe I can help you through this and help you find out who your sweetheart is.

    If you would like to call me, I would love to work with you.

    Always with love,

    Lucrecia
    Ext. 9326


  25. Anonymous February 3, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    Thanks for the article, I’m in a marraige that lately I’ve been having doubts about. We’ve changed I’m on one page and he’s on another. My husband has began to get comfortable and the marraige is still new. It feels like the walls are closing in on me…our marraige was rushed for our child. He has become very boring and I have now realized we have very little in common. Juggling my marraige, and working on a future career has me exhausted. I don’t want to leave because I feel my husband is in love, but much too comfortable and not interested how I feel, I can’t stand to hurt him. Is it love or empathy, should I stay and work it out or should I go…please help! By the way, I think i’m the wounded soul.


  26. stephanie February 3, 2010 at 11:35 am

    ok im not saying this will work im only 18 but if you stop calling him and just stop with him, just make him relize your better then all that if he dont have time for you dont have time for him when he calls dont pick up and when he askes just say the phone was in the other room. If he really loves you he would not put you tho that no one should.


  27. Miriam Pia February 3, 2010 at 10:53 am

    Love one day is so romantic your heart flies but at the same time true love means doing the laundry and mowing the lawn.


  28. jeetu February 3, 2010 at 7:01 am

    hi lucrecia,

    what about marriage based on empathy and love which has no empathy…
    i am married with someone who loves me and i am with him as i have empathy for him but i don’t feel the love i should give back to him , i have tried everything its a dead horse and i had a love relation before marriage which lacked empathy…
    i am continuing in the marriage because i feel its imp tht someone loves you and understand and all i am doing is playing my role to the best…but somewhere my soul is not at peace, i feel i need to love someone….why so and what can be done.
    i feel lonely inside and a longing for someone or may be i just believe a lot in fairy tails :) )


  29. Jackie February 3, 2010 at 6:38 am

    I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and going. Of course we have had ups and downs over the last couple of years. I recently moved in with him and from the start we had many arguements and disagreements. Out of everything we have been through i still love him but im not sure if i truly love him or if its just love for him since ive been with him for a long time. I dont want to waste any more time if hes not the one for me. I been having doubts about him, he rarely talks to be about his problems and emotions, we always have disagreements and little fights about stupid things. Hes also very secretive about his web pages he uses like email and facebook and also is phone calls. I feel that we have been together for this long it shouldnt be like that. I share everything with him but he doesnt. Please let me know what you thing. I really need advice before i waste any more time with the wrong person. Thanks


  30. grace February 3, 2010 at 5:44 am

    Hi! i am married for 22 years now, i married my boyfriend for 7 years. But what i can’t understand is why he became unromantic, and most times i feel like there’s a big gap between us. I feel so alone even if our workplace is within our home. there are times that i feel as if he is avoiding me and it crushes my spirit. i’ve been asking him if he really loves me he would just say yes but i can’t feel the warmth and he rarely hugs or kiss me. i feel lonely in this marriage. i don’t know how he really feels for me but is it because i was the one who asked him for marriage since my family was migrating so we advanced our wedding. until now i feel so far from him. He rarely asks me to sit with him when watching tv or ask me to sleep with him during naps. He always tell me to let our youngest daughter to sleep with me at night while he sleeps at the foot of the bed. Then i was able to find my first love through the net and we communicate since then by email and i feel there is a big difference. I even get to the point that i cry because of my first love. please help me does my husband still love me? do i still really love him or is it just because of our children. we have 2 grown up kids 20 and 17 the youngest is 6. I hope you can give me free nice advice. I don’t if what’s going between us is love or pity. thanks so much I hope to get a reply from you. More success to you.


  31. Kassim February 3, 2010 at 3:49 am

    I have faith that your relationship will workout, you have to be ready for anythig. Most of all i think you should try to have positive attitude toward your relationship and stop worrying for worry is the negative energy. Just remember that you and him are both responsible for your relationship, play your role for if it won’t workout you can have some peace of mind.
    Blessings.


  32. Anu February 3, 2010 at 3:47 am

    hey guys.

    its always good to read your articals.i am an indian from a hindu orthodox family.Now my problem is this that i am in love with a guy from a different religion and my family most my dad is against this.

    I truly love my family and my boyfriend and i want both of them to be with me.i cant choose one of them .And if i do so i ll be tore apart and i ll be never complete me.

    I beg you guys please help me.Please suggest me.


  33. Jean February 3, 2010 at 2:56 am

    I was in an emotional relationship like this. It’s been 7 months it’s been over and I never really thought about it until I read this article. This man complained, whined and cried about his wife being abusive. Since I had known him prior to his marriage he came to me for “help,” and convinced me that I was the only one for him and that he loved only me. Now I see that I was feeling pity for him. From what I am told he’s still with her, whining and crying to anyone who will listen. Thanks for the eye-opener.


  34. maguy February 3, 2010 at 2:31 am

    My dear friend I have explained the precise topic and this is true of love is the stage of life and help and assistance and the ethics of respect, trust and loving to live by the detailed organization of your thoughts right
    you grabbed a sufficient explanation for the compassion and empathy and I add that you can be sympathetic to the rights and pity without love as a couple because the saints have pity and compassion to lift the love in their hearts to love You are right, Madam and I appreciate the depth of detailed give it to us


  35. Kari February 3, 2010 at 2:07 am

    The articel made me wonder if I am a wounded spirit.. And then… how can I love? I think my biggest task is to love my self (and feel good about myself – warm and fuzzy, not afraid – and my mind is at complete rest.)

    A wounded spirit can be healed. I will love some day:)

    Thank you for interesting readings.

    Love
    Kari


  36. mischeifme711 February 3, 2010 at 9:43 am

    Its so reality!very well done!thank you…
    I have been dating a guy for 6 yrs on&off.
    for the last two yrs straight on.In the last
    two yrs. we have had sex 4 times.has not touched me for 5mons.now.
    when I call him on his cell most of the time
    it goes to his voicemail and when he finally answers it he claims hes still in bed(3:00)pm.
    or he says he was downstairs and didnt have the phone with him but every time i see him his phone is on his hip and he has two phones(cell phones)
    Something is wrong with this picture can anyone please give me some advise about this.Much appreciated in san deigo!


  37. the12letgo@gmail.com February 3, 2010 at 1:35 am

    Well done,and I’m pretty done with relationships. The last two were horrible, and I’m sure it’s because of the many autoimmune illnesses i have had to deal with. My body and mind are not healthy and therefore I attracted a man that pitied me, and then took me to the cleaners. I am brokenhearted,also broken in body and bank….I guess that is what I get for being so trusting over and over and over again….but, I really think I had love enough for the both of us!


  38. Ede February 3, 2010 at 1:19 am

    I enjoyed the article. It was very well put ma’am. It also made me realize i am that wounded animal in this love story im going through. Thank you for opening my eyes. He doesnt deserve my sorrows he has enough of his own i just figured we could embark on the journey together but 2 wounded souls cant get too far. Blessings to you from the bottom of my heart.


  39. Jules February 2, 2010 at 11:28 pm

    Hi Sandy, I read your comment and I know you were faced with a difficult choice. In your Heart, you probably made the right choice. If he’s being rude to you, its probably because he’s angry. If he truly loves you, he will have a choice to make 1)stay with you no matter what or 2) stay angry. If what you did helped to keep your parents, then that was more important to you & that is okay. Good Luck, Sandy


  40. Jules February 2, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    “Is it love or pity?” was a very interesting blog for me. Probably because I can connect to it so well regarding my present relationship. Thanks for letting me & my mind be refreshed a little. :)


  41. Sandy January 30, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    Was It Lovee?
    I recently broke up with my boyfriend who I were with for a year. The truth is he broke up with me but thats because I moved back home in europe to live for a while. I did this because my parents dissaproved about us. I just wanted things to settle down I didnt want to end it with him..but nyways i though I loved him.I still believe I do. We have some contact but recently he has been really rudee..I didnt imagine he would of ever said some of the stuff he did. I know i really hurt him by moving back..but I just wanted to do the right thing..I didnt want to loose my parents
    Someone please help.
    Severely hurt


  42. Raechel Hoagland January 29, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    Ok I am new to this whole psychic thing. Yes i do believe that everybody has an angel watching over them and I have experienced my guardian angel a long time ago when i lost my brakes in my car and almost hit the person in front of me. But anyway thats not what I am wanting to know. I have a relationship question. I know this guy and he is 9 yrs older than me and lives in Arz.He and i have never met but we have talked on the phone now for 11 months. We have gotten very close as in knowing eachother just by talking. I like the friendship we have and i am hoping that one day it will progress. Anyway he is gonna b moving again in like 2 weeks but he has 3 different choices of places to go and my state is the first one that is in consideration. He and i have grown to love eachother just by talking on the phone every day and night. So i want to know if this is going to work out if he comes and we like eachother. I really care about this guy and I like everything so far. I just hope we can handle it face to face..Thank u and if anyone could give me some advice that would b nice…Thanks Raechel


  43. Lucrecia Ext. 9326 January 25, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    Hello Jacqueline,
    Many thanks for your kind comments.
    Thankfully ,
    Lucrecia


  44. Lucrecia Ext. 9326 January 25, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    I appreciate your comments Miss Krystal.
    Thank you,
    Lucrecia


  45. Lucrecia Ext. 9326 January 25, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    Thank you Abigail for your kind comments.
    Loving Kindness,
    Lucrecia


  46. Abigail Ext 9570 January 25, 2010 at 11:37 am

    Lucrecia,
    So sweetly put. Woman as a rule have this inate thing called wanting to make things all better that maternal instinct. Being a mother, or therapist is not being the lover or the fire a relationship needs. You really have written this in a way that gets the mind to grasp this with wonder and truth. Great job
    Many Blessings
    ~Abigail~


  47. Miss Krystal ext. 9192 January 25, 2010 at 8:00 am

    What an interesting perspective. Loved the article. So many things came to my mind. I am going to read it again, tonight, and see what else it triggers. Mainly, at this point, I think of all the women that call me and have interference with their guy feeling sorry for another woman, usually an ex, hmmmmm. You are so right, Lucrecia, I could not agree with you more. Yes, there is a huge difference. True love is free, fun and feels good, but yes, we do cry once in a while, too. But the fun never goes away. Awesome points. So true! Thank you much.
    Miss Krystal

  48. Jacqueline
    Psychic Jacqueline x9472 January 25, 2010 at 7:49 am

    Great informative article Lucrecia,
    One thing I must say if you are having douts it is an automatic red flag that something may not be necisarily right.
    Remember that if it is anything but true love, one that last forever, its not going to make it through the long road of life.
    Blessings and Big Hugs!
    Jacqueline x9472

Leave a Comment or Register

No related posts.