Why Married Men Never Leave

March 16, 2010 at 1:13 am

Will he ever leave his wife for you? Married men choose to stay married even when they’re cheating on their wives. The mistress makes the marriage tolerable. Yesterday started on a sad note. I received a phone call early in the morning from my best friend, informing me that her husband had been cheating on her for 10 years! That was one phone call I wish I had missed.

My friend was still in that early hysterical stage immediately following the discovery that she had been betrayed by the man she was married to — and shared four children with. She was screaming “I love him more than life itself! I have invested my entire life here with him. Years of care taking, cleaning, cooking — and all that time, he was making love to another woman!” She went silent.

“He made promises of marriage to her!”

“Wait a minute,” I said, as I interrupted her. “Marriage?”

“Yes!” she said. “He told her I had cancer, and he explained to her that as soon as I was cancer free, he would come to her “for good,” and marry her.”

“Ok, calm down.” I said. “First off, do you have cancer, Debbie?”

“NO!” she screamed at me.

“How did you get all this information?” I asked.

“The girl that has always done my hair, Linda. She was the one that called me at 3am, asking to speak to Chip. She was drunk and said she was having an affair with him. I confronted him about the affair. He admitted it! I am in shock,” she said. “This has been going on for 10 years between them.”

I just listened to her while she told me everything. She spent two hours telling me stories about an entire alternate life that Chip had been living with his mistress. Cruises, skiing trips… He had attended all of her family events, even one where they both had ‘stood up’ for the bride and groom!

Chip and Debbie had been married for 20 years. The entire time that I have known Debbie, she has always portrayed to me a Disney-like picture of her family life.

I wondered silently if she had received any clues? “I am her best friend,” I thought. I should just ask …

She slammed the phone down!

Frozen in silence thinking, my thoughts went to my many readings on love and relationships for California Psychics. I have heard this story so many times over the years that I have been reading — including the cancer scam — this couldn’t just be a coincidence. Did this theme come from a famous movie?

There have been many other reasons a man has told his mistress he needs time to leave, but most of them could be categorized in the illness area. Mental illness is the one I hear most, then cancer.

Beyond those, I hear the kids are doing terribly (emotional problems) and they need counseling. It is always because of the evil mother who may do away with them if the man leaves. He is so noble to stay and protect them, my client tells me. The ‘other women’ have been contributing money to these causes as well. In a few cases, the other women are brought to bankruptcy trying to help the new lover solve these issues. Of course this is when they call me asking why he has backed away from them.

What my friend doesn’t know is that the other woman usually gets to go on all the vacations. The wife writes those down on his calendar for him as ‘business trips!’ As the other women are willing to foot the bill also, he is free to go.

Debbie has never been on a trip with Chip in 20 years.

I often hear from women and men who are in the victim role. I truly believe that a person could save themselves and others a lot of grief if they would just make sure their new love was telling the truth. The only way to proceed would be to see the divorce papers.

I recently advised one of my clients to do just that.

If you enable another to escape that pain, more than likely, they will take you up on your offer. It will make their marriage or relationship bearable, and they most likely will not leave it. You will be surprised how fast a man that who really does love you will be back at your door, divorce papers in hand, if you put down the law to him. “No contact until you’re legally available.”

I am going to be supporting my friend Debbie in her time of need, but I also am going to be waiting for your phone call to me as well, here at California Psychics. Don’t settle for next best, there are many awesome, available men out there looking for you, ripe for the picking!

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135 Responses to “Why Married Men Never Leave”

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  1. amanda July 29, 2013 at 9:38 pm

    All men suck. Ya, I’m married unhappy feels like I am in hell. However, he doesn’t cheat on me. Even though I wouldn’t care if he did. An if he wanted to leave me for someone ealse. I would wish her luck.


  2. Shelly March 8, 2013 at 4:15 pm

    A married man at my job became obsessed with me, told me he wanted to marry me, etc, I lost my job because I went to HR because he was harassing me, he wouldnt leave me alone even though I told him to. HR knew the legal liability they had, and fired my boss (female to whom I complained) and me, and kept the harasser to minimize the workplace distraction when everyone started asking me questions. Believe me, if I had it to do all over again, I would have cheated with him, taken him for all that I could have gotten from him (which the way he was talking to me, I could have gotten ANYTHING!!). Unfortunately, I made the mistake (MISTAKE!) of having sympathy for the wife (whom I didnt even know), and I never went along with his suggestions to cheat. My employer took advantage of that, because there was no solid proof of what he said. He played it off that he had been happily married for 20 years, and made me out to be the liar, and mentally unstable, and that worked very well for the employer to avoid legal liability! Never again! Wives: if youre husband wants to cheat with me, Im taking him for all hes worth! Because even if I dont, he will take me for what little I have!!!!


  3. Anderson Mammano February 23, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    I dugg some of you post as I thought they were invaluable handy


  4. Dave January 3, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    Men don’t leave for a simple reason.

    Family Court. It is rarely the mistress that has everything to lose… She rarely has the same assets and liabilities of the man. In her case if he leaves she is making an even trade or even trading up… But he stands to lose half of everything he has worked hard for. He stands to lose access to his children. So many factors at play there… if you can’t understand that simple reason then you shouldn’t enter into a relationship with a married man expecting him to ever leave.


  5. julie June 21, 2012 at 10:26 am

    FACE IT MEN ARE NOT MONOGAMOUS……BUT NEITHER ARE SOME WOMEN.

    WE LOVE, WE LEAVE, WE LOVE AGAIN.

    WE WANT TO BE FOR JUST ONE PERSON BUT IT HAS TO WORK BOTH WAYS.


  6. mrs sandra leffall May 26, 2012 at 11:39 am

    I’ve been with my husband since 1992 I love him dearly I recently lost my mother april 7 2012 and its hard for me to carry on but the love I have for her will forever li e in my heart I blame the hospital for not doing her treatment corre tly they had a tube in her mouth where shr could mot talk or eat hollywood presbiyarian hospital is where she died s


  7. Mrs Sandra Leffall March 20, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    I recently found out my husband is not the man i thought he was he used me for money while he was in jail now that hes getting out in june hes acting like he only want to be friends even though im the baby mother and the wife i dont know if i can act like im happy in my marriage any more especially since he didnot send me a card for valentines day if this continues me not feeling loved i will be divorced and go back to miss owens


  8. Marilyn January 18, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    I have been seeing a married man since this past summer. We have been friends for several years and our familys would do everything together. My Husband recently left me for another woman and during the separation i started seeing my friends husband. i tried to keep him away but he knew i was lonely . nevertheless we started a relationship . After several month he started telling me he loved me and he knew i had feelings for him too. I recently told him we needed to stop seeing each other because he needed to make a decision between his wife or me. I have been going through hell since then . I just wonder if he even feels the same as myself.


  9. Mrs. Sandra Leffall October 18, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    I still am happily married and i dont cheat on my husband i feel when you make that special commitment you should stand by it and be faithful if not why make the commitment in the first place marriage is in the eyes of the lord and it should be treated with respect for God, thoes other women and men cheating will have to answer to a higher power so why get married if your are going to cheat stay single me im happy being faithful and married and i will continue to do so


  10. baidu456 September 8, 2011 at 2:33 am

    Glad you enjoy!


  11. donnacarla June 17, 2010 at 2:42 am

    I think I must be missing something. I know that men lie to get what they want, some women do this too. I get stuck on the basics. If you know a person is married why not give them a wide birth until they are free. If they lie and claim they are single – oops; but when you find out they are not single – STOP. If we all respected ourselves and others then we would not be so selfish to take what is not ours. If he really wants to leave, or if you are really the one for him then he will make a break to be with you. No excuses and he will make this decision sooner rather than later. Isn’t it time we were true to the sisterhood. A cheat must justify what they have done. So they lie more and the story builds. Mostly they start to believe these lies. Commonsense. Obviously they want to keep things steady until they are ready if they are ever ready to leave. Therefore they must lie to the wife and to the mistress. My question is why would a mistress believe the lie. I get why the wife believes. Mainly because she doesn’t know and sometimes because she doesn’t want to know but the mistress knows. So stop and think. If a man can cheat on his wife, mother of his children, etc etc, lie so convincely to someone who has know him for years why do you believe that you will fare better. Is that ego or ignorance is it desperation or naivety? I hope to never hurt another woman like I have been hurt. Yes I blame my husband but I also blame the mistress. It does take two to make a relationship. In the end I helped him with the decision, I rang the mistress and suggested she come and get her man.. Now I have to heal, forgive myself and find happiness. If you think I was too quick to make such a decision, I wasn’t. He and I had just moved back in together after he ended his relationship with his mistress to come back to his forgiving wife; only he didn’t really leave the mistress. I suppose he was keeping all options open and yes she did take him back.


  12. jp May 2, 2010 at 10:57 am

    There are 4 things that you cannot recover in life.
    1) The stone….. after it’s thrown
    2) The word……after it’s said
    3) The occasion….. after it’s missed
    and the
    4) The time….. after it’s gone

    To often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, a honest compliment
    or the smallest act of caring. All of which have the potential to turn life around.

    To be continued


  13. jp May 2, 2010 at 9:51 am

    Y one more thing I like you to think about. Is this the kind of marraige you would want for your kids?
    would you tell one of your childern to stick in a marriage that has no love and intimacy,affection, just because the spouse is a good parnet & provider look at what you and your husban are teaching your childern find someone that will proived for you and forget about the long term of having love, affection and intimacy. I once had that and I look forward to having that again and to show my kids you can have it and it is a must to have don’t be afaide to show the love and touching hugging kissing and the grabing of each other how I miss that. and so do you in life so meany people don’t show love in pubilic no hand holding no touching no hugs or kisses.it seems after the kids are born people loose that feeling or don’t take the time for it.I all ways tryed to put us the husban & wife thing first then kids and I still belive that. as old as my kids are the first thing we do when we see each other is the hugs and kisses, my kids have to be home christmas eve with the grand kids so we can all wake up together. some in laws don’t like the rule but my kids respect me and the rule if the inlaw dont like it stay home but my kids and grands will be here christmas eve and morring with me LOL


  14. jp May 2, 2010 at 8:15 am

    Brain what is up? how are you? are you on your way to cheating? do you agree or disagree what is being said. can I or we help you? do you need to talk and get some crap off your chest? we are here to help the bloggers. sometimes just wrighting helps get the mind clear and put you in a better place to deal with life and the best thing we don’t know each other all but from here. so you can be your self and honest. with us we can’t tell anyone about you. LOL so let it go talk to us !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and have a great day ox JP


  15. jp May 2, 2010 at 7:44 am

    Dear Y, sorry I didn’t get back to you saturday. how are you? lets see if I can help you. you say he is a great dad and great provider WONDERFUL!!! and he will be that if you divorced him. lets get one thing stright I’m not at all big on divorce. no more then I’m on cheating. but lets get real Y you say sex 1 time this year and only have seen him 3 times this year, and after a few days the meanness comes out I know what you are going through with the meanness. he works out of the country you have no way of knowing what he does or doing it with, and no way of checking on him.Meanness twords you is one of the signs of a cheating spouse, the lack of intimacy&.rather be away from the home, when he does come home he trys or does make you feel that you should be lucky he is theire. Y you have taken pride in yourself with the weight loss & the boob job GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!! you are also a strong women you have taken on all the parnet rolls. your mom & dad cook, housekeeper, teacher, cabdriver, you are all ready living a divorce mom roll. it’s the papers that are hanging over your head for you to move on, you say he is a great dad how is he a great dad every other month for a week? does he give you a break and take on all the things you do? does he go and talk to the kids school? what about after school stuff? help with the home work? or does he just come in and spoil the crap out of them and leave? does he say mean stuff to the kids or in front of them to you?I said you are a teacher you got them through the ABC’s and the 123 the right and wrongs, treat people like you want to be treated, don’t lie be honest always tell the truth people know when you are liying. respect your self and others.
    ” cheating” lie, hide, sneak, guilt. when you cheat all of that and more comes out and kids are not dum they will know you will change and they will and I mean they will know. you will have phone calls that they will over hear,even throu you went to another roomor other part of the house. you will be doing something with the kids and a tex message will come in and you will answer that as well, they will see after that call or tex that you just got happyer or boost of engery, going out a little more at night, they will also notice what you are like when Dad comes home, they will notice the change and we both know kids say the darnest things at times we don’t expectit they might say mom is happyer when your not here Dad. or mom gets alot more calls and messages.or goes out alot. cell phone do leave paper trails and they do have tracking devices for them. husband might have put one on your phone already and you don’t even know it.internet Google cheating spouses you can have the divce put on his phone as well check the cell bill or ask for detailed billing calls and texs and internet web. so TEACHER is this some of the things you want to teach your kids? NO!!!! or the kids knowing about you? see Y even through my kids are growen over the age of 21 they know what their dad has done and have no respect for him. I showed my kids how not to be or act. they know we will be getting divorced I havn’t gave him the papers yet so I’m still marryed. can I or could I cheat on him YES!!!! but I taught my kids more our daughter was getting married she didn’t want her father to walk her down the aile because of the cheating how can he do that? walk me down the aile and preach about marriage to me then give me away? all that is and was B.S.it took me all the way 1hour untill she walked down the aile to let him I told her I dont want her to have any regrets later in life about the walk. to her the only way he got to walk her down the aile was I walked on the other side of her she said some one that holds the vowels through the good times and the bad has the honner of walking me down the aile. what a honner that was and still is to me and for the rest of my life the words that came out of MY DAUGHTERS heart and mouth nothing can ever take that away from me. the pride that I carrie to this day nothing can replace that me the teacher. your kids will have so much respect for you and every thing you have taught them when you are honest. my divorce will not be easey nor will anyones it hurts. but so does the lonelyness of a loveless life. you will always be a mom and a teacher weather your kids look up to you or will they look down on you all depends how & what you teach them actions speek louders then words and they are always watching.Y I cant tell you what to do but you have taken so much pride in your self and your kids that I would hate to think that you would throw that away. not to mention what if your family fround out or the husbans family or the friends you have. 100% your kids will find out. like you the kids don’t know if the husban is cheating on you but they will know about you.we are both thankful for BOB LOL but we both need more and I don’t plan to grow old alone. nor to live my life with the anger and hurt that my husban gave me. I have put my plain in action and this does take time but I know and see the rainbow pass all this I hope you can too. let me know how you are and the kids are doing take care. ox JP


  16. Y April 30, 2010 at 8:35 am

    Jp – All would be great if he was with me. he works out of the country and i see him every other month for a week at a time. this is the way it has to be. he cannot do anything else for a living but what he does. he is super specialized and there is no work in america currently for it. when i do see him , you would think he would want me, but no he doesn’t. I’ve watched it, it’s takes maybe three days of being nice then meanness. but for seeing him 3 times this year so far, i’ve intimacy for a grand total of 1 for 2010. when he was out of work for 10 months and home- no sex . this is where i begged him for 4 days. he’s a great dad, and a great provider. i do know that he has used the internet for stimulation though when he is away. thanks for the fun tips! Bob is the current boyfriend but it’s not enough like you said. i want to feel appreciated , desired etc…here’s the thing, not to sound arrogant or anything, after he told me i was too fat to have sex with after i had my second child, i did everything to lose weight. within the last year i have lost 50lbs had a boob job and i look hot! when i got them done he doesn’t even reach for them. what is wrong with this picture? attenttion from every other man but my own…


  17. Brian April 29, 2010 at 5:38 pm

    Shrewd wife has it right. My wife has been attacking (physically and verbally)me for over 20 years for infidelities that have never happened. Have I flirted,,,yea usually after my wife has been Medusa again. I am like her 2nd type…I hung in for kids and because despite her behavior I lve her. I willl not go into the gory details. Nevertheless a fair number of women find me attractive…unfortunately most are young enough to be my daughter.

    Nevertheless there are three ladies that if the opportunity arises I will “jump” I have been on the layaway plan for infidelity for a long time. I would not lie to my paramour but would to my wife. Plus it is obvious to aany woman tthat there is no marriAGE in me…divorce maybe but not marriage. I am smart enough to know I am stupid when it comes to relationships. I find a woman’s appearences make little difference as long as she takes care of herself and is healthy. But a kind lady with a certain timbre voice with a few smarts just knocks me out.


  18. jp April 29, 2010 at 9:05 am

    for any who is reading this you might want to read Feb 05,2010 Annuciata… Pandora’s box of facebook
    I put that one in my favorites and this one 2


  19. jp April 29, 2010 at 6:55 am

    Y I think you will do the right thing you know what the out come would be I do understand how you feel the lonlyness of not being touched, held ,needs that need to be met, and the everyday mom, wife, school homework, kids afterschool sports or what ever, the house work cooking,job, and the whole time you keep thinking of your needs that havn’t been met or concidered, have you through about asking someone to take the kids for the night or hell the weekend and setting up the house for YOU & HUSBAND aldult theam. for a week before you put a plain in action start sending sexy tex message, leave some nice undies in his car with a card so before he goes to work or when he gets out of work he knows what on your mind. send him flowers at work, hell I sent my husban a 6 pack of beer and sexey thing in a box to his job, Y while he is driving undo you top and let him see some boobies reach over and touch him undo his pants and start with little kisses & tease him remeber it is about you getting some, so just tease him untill you get home, I had a great marriage once a month I would send my kids away for the night or weekend and just had husband & me time, but my husband started pushing me aside for the internet, I would plan nights or weekend and he have to have the computer. now that he know what he as lossed he wants it back, Y I have been married for 25 yrs. and hate to see it end but he put us in trouble with money, the afaire, the drinking and more bull crap. he even stooped to a have a friend try to bring his girlfriend to our daughters wedding, our daughter didn’t want her father to walk her down the aile the only way she let him is if I walked with her too.try to find what you once had and if husband don’t respond divorce the kids will be fine but if you cheat you will never has the respect and love of your kids they will always think what you done to their father and the family. I prayed for you last night and will pray for you tonight, good luck and hope all will be well for you and your family.


  20. Y April 29, 2010 at 3:30 am

    Thanks for your reply jp. :-) I wish you well.


  21. realist April 28, 2010 at 11:51 pm

    Hey Sally, Do you REALLY think that love is enough?? this guy is making you look like an ass and you are taking it. Do you have zero self esteem???? You need to kick him out of your life! You are willing to put up with being treated like crap just because you LOVE him? thats crap..they are PLENTY of nice guys out there that will treat you like gold. Do not even put up with this for another second unless there is something to be gained..and from the looks of it there is not. Do not wait until you are 50 and alone and childless and thinking of your “glory days” do NOT be a cliche!


  22. jp April 28, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    Y just a little FYI. a little time by your self with a R rated movie and BOB!!!!! battery opt boyfriend I love my BOB untill I get the divorce I’m still marriage in name and I have to look myself in the mirror, as well as look at my girls and grandchild I’m better then a cheater . and I have no worries LOL it is true. I enjoy my self and my life a little more if you are going to cheat just have the balls to divorce your kids and husband don’t need the Bull Crap and the hurt YOU WILL BRING to them so divorce or bob I’ll take Bob, cheating is not the answer. Have some pride in yourself work at your marriage or buy a bob & a movie


  23. jp April 28, 2010 at 7:40 am

    Amelia I agree with most of what your saying but in to days world money counts I’m in the same life style cheating husban yes it hurts but what I have done is worked through the pain, the anger, and finding out who she is. my soon to be x put us in det so it is my turn I have paid off all my dete NOT HIS!!!!! his creidt
    is so bad he can’t even think. I have saved money NOT IN A BANK!!!! no paper trail and I’m almost there so when I hand him the divorce papers I won’t have to file bankrupted. when I first found out I asked him for a divorce he wouldn’t give it to me and he wouldn’t leave. so no way out of this I worked on my self I see a rainbow in my life I got strong. and in that time his girl friend are no longer together, at least not that one, I’m thankful that my kids are of age. and my crited is in great shape, what my soon to be x is doing now is working on the marraige it’s gone for me, a note for the (girl friends) are you that DUM!!! realy he is cheating, lieing, what makes you belive that his marriage is that bad,because he said so but he not leaving his wife, No Divorce for YOU!!! HE LIES or is it about the kids WELL cheating with you takes time away from his kids. and he would get vistion, wake up dummey he treats you like you let him you are a extra pice of BUTT!!!! that it you are a booty call. I belive in what goes around comes around in a ten fold, may your son or daughter marrie some one like you! may you watch your child and grandchildern go through a cheating spouse, may you watch your child& grandchildern have to see what you done to another person & family the hurt you caused. the fighting between the parnets,the crying and the fighting that your child will do as your grandchildern have to SIT and WATCH and HEAR that mom and dad will be getting a divorce.may you watch and hurt so bad that you see the ten fold come in full circle, is being with a marriage man worth all that because you will answer to god, you will live with what you give in ten folds.


  24. Anna April 28, 2010 at 5:56 am

    Jinny – what a fool he has made of you. You should seek counceling as you need it badly now- before the man ruined your life like he ruined his wife. Your complex is the one that characterised as trying to save somebody. He is no victim. Want to be on her place? Seek help


  25. Y April 28, 2010 at 4:45 am

    Ok girls, now I have one for you. How about a man who has been sexually starved? If the woman doesn’t want to perform sexually but wants a provider for the family, what if the woman “doesn’t care and says go do what you have to do, as long as I don’t hear about it?” This is what I have been told last week by a man I know who said he never wants to leave his family but occasionally needs an escape fantasy and needs his sex drive filled. He said they tried to get help but she doesn’t want to take the testosterone pills to help her drive. How about the opposite, how about a woman who has a higher sex drive than her husband and desires to be loved held and have passionate sex and is denied but doesn’t want to ruin if for her children? He is the best father in the world, but a lousy husband and lover. I face this right now. I have been denied sex for four day when I needed it, and I am contemplating the consequences of sneaking an affair because I don’t want to ruin what I have. I did everything I could from counseling, talking, letters, etc. He is not going to change this is who he is. I have a nice house, nice car, vacations etc… However, I am lonely in my relationship. He is faithful physically, I know this for a fact, and I had him investigated. So girls what would you do? Live wondering where your next meal is coming from because you could not support yourselves ( I am in school btw), hurt the children by ripping up their comfy home or be a martyr for the rest of your life? There no guarantee at my age, 48, that I will even remotely find another stable relationship again and I do love him despite my desires being unfulfilled. and I don’t want to die old hated by children for ripping their family apart and alone. I wonder about the feelings of regret or remorse following breaking my vows which I think keeps me from doing it currently. I NEVER in my whole life thought I’d be on the end of wanting to be the cheater as I have always detested cheaters. Ugh!

  26. Amelia
    Amelia April 12, 2010 at 4:17 am

    Excellent Article – and sadly true. I have been reading with California Psychics and working as a Consultant/Counselor for many more. I have heard this same story more often than I care to think. Both women – the mistress and the wife – need to be very firm with the men they are seeing. The minute the wife hears of this infidelity, the divorce papers need to be sought. The mistress needs to also cut off all communication until she knows the true story. Remember that no matter what the final outcome, the TRUTH will alway prevail.


  27. Lisa April 11, 2010 at 8:09 am

    tarusatar said it correctly: We are so accustomed to taking crumbs that ill-treatment seems natural. “Boys will be boys”, and we harden our hearts to co-exist in the same space. But we are women, and women should not be so hard. The brittle break.

    If women would stop accepting the behavior, there would be a lot of lonely men who would have to re-consider their choices. We women are the prize, yet we act like doormats too frequently. Why is this? Why do we give away our hearts so easily? We are to blame if we had an inkling that he was not a kind man.

    If he never said, ‘I love You” and hasn’t proposed to you, keep your heart.


  28. Jinny April 11, 2010 at 3:13 am

    I have been seeing a man for 8 months now and he says he loves me very much. However he is married and won’t leave his wife. Why? Because she has and continues to run him up into massive debt in order to keep him. She knows he is too honourable to leave her to pay the debts herself. She also emotionally blackmails him saying she is depressed and will do something desperate if he ever leaves her. So he stays with her out of guilt. He doesn’t love her (maybe he does in some sort of way) but they lead a loveless, sexless existence (she won’t have sex with him due to ‘medication’ she says). Therefore he has gone out and sought his pleasures elsewhere. They have been married for 20 years and for 11 of those 20 years he has been cheating on her as a ‘swinger’, having sex with hundreds of other women and couples. She finds out, rants, threatens to kill herself and he stops, for a short while. So, some men stay with their loveless, fat, sexless, manipulative wives through a sense of loyalty and desperation. Maybe someday he will ‘bite the bullet’ and leave her but who knows?


  29. taurustar April 10, 2010 at 10:48 am

    are we as women so used to being misused that we actually allow these men to cheat and we stay. I don’t understand being lied to and not knowing okay. living in pologamy ok you choose to accept. but to suspect and not approve but shallow it and deal with it. these men will continue to cheat as long as we continue to left it em. time to take off the rose colored glasses and demand better stop being scared to be alone.


  30. Donna April 9, 2010 at 7:41 am

    Depends about the term “Man” or “Men”….A real man would never cheat or hurt his family. He is grown up. A “Child Dressed Up as a Man” Cheats on his wife and family. There are very few “MEN” these days…Lorretta Lynn said it best in her song….”They Don’t Makem Like My Daddy Anymore”….

    There are very few men these days….more children than men…too childish to grow up and take responsiblity for their awfaul choices to hurt others, then they blame the ones they hurt because it was their faul they cheated….anything to absolve themselves from their wrong doing or sin. Which ever you prefer. Bottom line…”They Don’t Makem Like My Daddy Anymore”……I have a great dad who has been a wonderful husband to my mome and a great daddy to us 3 girls.


  31. Moouse April 8, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    New flash. If you do not leave when you find out their cheating . They might become even more self-destructive and bring you home a sexually transmitted disease. That could possibly kill you. Just food for thought. That is why my mother always said do not keep a man in a relationship he does not want. Or He will make you regret the day you were born. His learning lessons should not be yours. Especially if he did not marry you. Most of them are undercover psychological basket cases hiding under the pretense of man.
    Think about it.


  32. Jenny April 8, 2010 at 5:56 pm

    If this ain’t the truth, I don’t know what is. Weak married men want the best of both worlds. They want their cake and to gobble it down too…with champagne! BUT, like the psychic advised, if you give them an ultimatum, leave or else, they will be FORCED to make a choice. Great article, I think it touched upon the heart of the issue, that’s it’s the women that enable them to live double lives which cause them to do it!


  33. k April 8, 2010 at 11:13 am

    This is a subject with which I have a lot of experience. I too was involved with a man for 12 years that continued to meet, date, live with many women. I tolerated it all due to the fact, 1. I loved him, 2. We were not married, and 3. I had faith. I knew in the end God would give me what I deserved.
    While I knew this man had problems, I chose to continue our relationship. What he gave to me was a friendship that I cherished and NEEDED most of all, so it was a decision I made with myself to keep this man in my life.
    I believe men have a ‘need’ to have many women. It is an animal instinct to procreate and they are all face with this desire.
    What we as human beings (homo sapiens) have is the innate ability to reason. We have a choice in every situation presented to us. We can say yes or we can say no.
    Simple for a woman to say.
    I wonder if a lot of men understand what their needs wants desires are all about.
    I see men everyday jump from relationship to relationship and never really know who they are themselves so how the heck are they going to know someone else.
    We as women, accept men for the way they are and yes good or bad. How many women you know tend to gravitate toward the ‘bad’ boys. We are all guilty. Well at one time in our life we probably had a crush on the ‘bad’ boy. We all didnt marry them, of course.
    So, as a woman, we choose sometimes to tolerate what we tolerate. I chose it. I could have moved on. For more that just 3 reasons I chose to stay.
    After 12 years the hardest thing I have ever done was say goodbye. I had hurt enough and it was time to give myself, my heart, my sanity a break. I have cried many rivers and it nearly sent me into a deep depression. Holding on just makes the letting go much more difficult. My children/granddaughter saved me from one of the saddest times of my life.
    Not a day goes by I wonder if I should have ended this sordid relationship but it would be more of the same. He will not change. I know that now. The woman he is with now will do the same. Tolerate or move on. It is just a matter of time.
    So, look for the man that is not the ‘bad’ boy for one. Two, you have a better chance with a man that spent time alone, to get to know himself. Three, you will know it if he has ‘been there, done that’, many a man has learned tough lessons and have pulled through a better man.
    And lastly, a strong man will be faithful. Strong men are out there. They are the ones that are living a spiritual lifek and that, my dears, is the man for you.
    peace and love to all


  34. cindy April 4, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    The thing is about men…they HAVE to fee their ego…they MUST or they think they are going to die…I guess. My son-in-law is basically a good guy…but after seven years and one child later, he decided to cheat on my daughter. She knew about it for two years and confronted him. He said they were just friends, but she knew different. Two yrs later he admited to it. She fell apart. At the very same MOMENT, I called her on the phone (thousands of miles away) and told her grandmother was in hospital and going to die. I mean..the very same moment….as they sat in their kitchen talking. She told me on the phone that he had just confessed. Grandmother died and my daughter came to be with her family. She was with us for two months and never spoke to him. Before she left she asked him to get into therapy and see the pastor. Well he did nothing. Now, almost a year later he acts like she should have forgiven him by now…but nothing has changed. Things that bothered her in the relationhip before his affair needed to be delt with..as well as his infidelity. He never did one thing to ease her pain. now they just live in that house and don’t talk. The do interact in front of their 7 yr old daughter and NEVER aurgue in front of her..but she knows something is up. After three years of hell and lonlyness she will serve him the papers after school gets out. I am sure the dung will fly because he will want “HIS” house “HIS”man cave in the garage.. The law will rule though.
    I think the whole problem here is HIS ego, and one day, if he ever grows up, I am sure he will be very very sorry and it will be too late.


  35. lucy!!! April 1, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    some men are just inot men!!!!!! they leave a n kids!!!!! n them lie to ther parents !!!! then they die from heart attack!!!! some men!!!! shouldn t!!!! be fathers or husband!!!!!


  36. tris April 1, 2010 at 2:29 am

    I am in a relationship with a man who is 31 I am 41 he claims he has not had a girlfriend before me and that I was his first sexually I want to believe him and have no solid proof either way but he is addicted to porn pictures he says he likes pretty women dressed cute but I have found a variety of pictures he tries to hide things I told him I don’t like it he says delete it but when i do i end up finding it on his computer again when i confront him he gets overly excited and tells me some BS when i tell him his behavior suggests otherwise he replies i hate being accussed when i have done nothing wrong i know something is going on but dont know how to catch him i told him i wanted to leave because it wont stop but it would put me in a very compromising position that i am not able to handle i know if i could have proof beyond doubt it would make thing much easier to handle


  37. Christy March 31, 2010 at 10:02 am

    My ex-husband had one affair I found out about, but who knows how many others there were? I stayed 23 yrs. for religious reasons, the kids, and I truly loved him & wanted to believe the best. One day I realized life is too short, God loves me & wants me to be happy, and I value myself too much to be with someone dishonest & abusive. I left him LIKE THAT. He & everyone else was shocked. Guess what? I focused on making my life & myself the best I could, & am now married (4 yrs.) to the most wonderful man in the world, who adores me, is good to me & thinks I’m all that. I wised up & decided I don’t NEED a man to be happy & I’d rather be alone than with a jerk. I found PEACE & joy inside of me! That’s when I met someone GOOD.


  38. Hummingbird March 31, 2010 at 8:30 am

    Right on. Polygamy is consensual, a person knows what’s up and is willing to share the spouse. Monogamy is also consensual, a person enters it with the full understanding that they are required to be with one person. Only an extremely shallow person would make a comment like that about physical changes. Someone who must have the “cute little girl” forever in order to be content does not need to be married to ANYONE, EVER. Why? Because every human physically changes over the years- weight gain or loss, wrinkles, illness, etc. If you know ahead of time that you are too silly to accept normal physical changes, then DON’T GET MARRIED. Finally, there are cheaters and there are honest people. A cheater is often little more than a sociopath. In other words, they don’t care about what’s right or wrong as long as they’re happy. This type of person will ALWAYS cheat. Even if they leave the spouse to be with the other person, they will just cheat on that one too. Don’t be surprised if they also cheat in business dealings or betray their friends. An honest person will make a genuine effort to tell their spouse that they’re unhappy and want out so that they can leave in a clean manner. If you “forgive” the cheater and let them stay, then don’t cry when they cheat again (and again, and again). Breaking a tea cup is an honest mistake. Cheating is a deliberate, selfish act which requires thought and planning. Forgiveness is nothing more than permission. In the case of dishonesty, it’s permission to walk on you, to lie again, to cheat again.
    Regarding marriage in Islam, adultery is a sin in Islam. Regardless if a man has 1 wife or 4, he is STILL MARRIED. If he has secret relations with a woman outside the marriage, without consent from the wife/wives then he is committing adultery. Furthermore, if he clearly understands and accepts prior to the marriage taking place that his wife (the first one)wants a monogamous marriage then this will be formally agreed upon in the marriage contract and he must remain faithful to her. While divorce is strongly discouraged in Islam, both parties have the right to divorce if they so choose. There may be Muslims who disagree with this, as some prefer the words of a Hadith over the words of the Quran, but the Quran allows plenty of room for honesty, good judgment and ethical behavior in marriage.


  39. nitebird March 31, 2010 at 7:26 am

    You can not love others, if you do not love yourself…If you love yourself, then you can find love in others…If you are with someone you are not happy with, then there are a lot of options before you decide to cheat on your partner. There is no honor in cheating. If you are a man that wants four women thats your deal..and your crazy…lol..i dont know how anyone can deal with that…MOST MEN do not uphold vitality and youth either..but most women do not complain about Physical attributes..when you base your complaint like “300-pounder” it shows me an immaturity…and vanity that would be very tough to deal with…and the human that looks for the next best “Physical” thing will never be happy..that is not love..its lust.


  40. S March 30, 2010 at 5:36 pm

    Maybe his wife was so much like a nag everytime he came home to her…I would have someone else too. Maybe there is true love after you have married someone. What is true love….How do you really know until you try.


  41. Sally March 30, 2010 at 6:19 am

    But when you really love a person.. its really hard to leave that relationship…
    My Boyfriend, i know boyfriend, we only been together for 6 years had an affair with another woman. when i found out the extent to which it went.
    (she got very upset that he could not go on holiday with her because i had planned a holiday at the same time so i got the brunt of her anger as well as the details of the relationship)
    I gave him an out. i told him we should break up and he can carry on the relationship with her and we both move on. i was very calm about this beleive it or not. i thought it through long and hard.. two days to be precise. the very next day he wanted to come back and was not taking no for an answer. we are still together but at times the pain flares up again especially during a disagreement and we both bring up the past… at times its just so hard!!!


  42. Pasia March 30, 2010 at 5:00 am

    From my understanding, this is different from monogamy and polygamy. When you agree to a monogamous marriage, it is in exclusion of others. It is the Muslim tradition and they faithfully accept it and have learned to happily leave with it. A man whose marriage is polygamous knows he can bring in another woman, but just make it legal. Atleast the first woman knows what she was getting into in the first place. I dont understand why you are so bitter and talk about cute little girl and fat 300 pound women.People love despite of the physical appearance and see the inner beauty not the fat you are talking about. If a man feels he doesnot love his wife anymore, then he should leave her rather than cheat on her.Nobody will want to be cheated upon even if you are a cheater yourself.


  43. Real Test, Real Love, Real Facts March 29, 2010 at 10:43 am

    I personally think just about every man cheated on his wife. Theres alot of men I know whose done it maybe not in the begining but eventually it happens. You have to have a good noble God seaking man to not have to face those problems and even then its still a chance just little less out in the open n more shame for the man that is. Take it or leave it either you stick by your man or you tell him to ride out! All I can say if the picture perfect life is all it takes to complete your happiness than thats you but if you chose to be a strong well valued single women that knows one day you may find true love than go girl cause in the end its how you feel when you lay down at night if you worry to much your missing to much, But just keep your faith cause in the end hes all yours when he cant get up.One last thing if God choose for you two to be its just a test and you will be Okay and Happy in the end and another thing if your worried about what someone else thinks bout your relationship more than what you want to do than leave cause you your self truly dont love your partner and its just the picture perfect image that you LOVE.


  44. Shrewd wife March 29, 2010 at 9:07 am

    Hving read all the comments about why men don’t leave their wives, as a woman who’s worked with men all my life 7 heard how they talk between themselves; I really believe there are 2 classic types of unfaithful husbands, those who were the “lover” type, to begin with, you know, the handsome, got all the girls, then marries the good quiet girl that’s basically flattered that he asked her, then looks after his every need & flatters his ego, but as my Grandmother used to say, if 1 woman isn’t enough 50 wouldn’t be too many for him!! Unfortunately these wives often accept the role they’ve been given & concentrate on their children, as they closed their eyes to what he was really like all along & contiue to do so, until one day the situation gets blown wide open! However there is the 2nd type, who genuinely started out loving his wife & with good intentions to remain faithful, but the personal relationship gets lost under the daily problems, or for whatever reason. The wife isn’t interested & never appears to remember why she married him in the first place, or maybe she was looking for a good “husband” & not really ever interested in him as a lover, but he feels obligated to stay & look after his family, but eventually finds somebody to satisfy his personal needs, Every wife who meets unfaithful behaviour in her marriage really needs to look at the situation & decide for herself where the root cause of the probelm is, before she decides whether to try again or throw him out!


  45. Macroeconomix March 29, 2010 at 7:04 am

    The equation is not always 1+1=2, sometimes, it is 1+1=3 or more. I like to think that all of you who gave their advise are fair and wise. But all of this, 1+1=2 is a Christian concept. What would you tell a Muslim husband, who, by the grace of God the Almighty, can have 4 wives,and all at the same time? Apart from good luck and cheap jokes, is he a cheat?
    What is it that makes us, ‘western’ women, want to own the man we marry? What is it that makes Muslim women agree with sharing their man with several others? Why should there be guilt on the one side, and shared happiness and responsibility on the other? Who’s right and who’s wrong? Why can’t a man who has decided once upon a time, to marry a cute little girl, finding himself now with a blood-sucking 300-pounder for a wife, cannot leave her, for the remorse and guilt he has been taught to feel should he let her down? Is love for oneself not more important than guilt?
    I am not married, I do not cheat on anyone, I left my husband ages ago, when I realized it was not fair to him to be tied up with me.
    I know that sex is not love, but housekeeping and breeding is not love either.
    Gavelind


  46. Reb March 28, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    Starr dear,

    You are smarter then him and her. There are programs that can monitor his computer use. You can monitor his cell phone and bank account. You are your wife remember. I am not a fan of being revengeful, but does this woman have a husband? If so, I would definately let him know of your concerns that they talk to much. If you need proof. Get it! There are Private investigators you can hire or you can simply monitor him for a week from afar. Rental cars or a friends car will do. Trust me if hes cheating you will find him out! I believe in finding what you need. a good sources is USpeople search and all you need is a phone number. you can find out addresses, spouses everything you need for just that little information. But first. Protect yourself, save money, pay some of your bills off and if you decide to walk you will be able to financially do it. If you decide to stay and get her out of the way go to couseling. This takes time and professional help.


  47. Reb March 28, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    Excuse me for being blunt hun…. He is a pig. You are giving him his cake and letting him eat it too. Tell him to leave you alone or you a restraining order will follow!


  48. Reb March 28, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    Good decision Dawn. Men and Woman can be players and often the other woman is just used. You deserve a man that can totally commit to you not just part-time. Besides do you want to be the woman that broke up a family, hurt so many people because you would never want karma to come back your way. Move on sweetie…. you can do it!


  49. Reb March 28, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    Deanne,

    You are right on the money. The only reason this woman told is that she realized he loved his wife more than her and was never going to leave her. She had to force his hand. Sneaky and most woman fall right into the mistress hands. Playing on her hurt is evil but effective. You are the better woman, even if you cant work it out, stay with him, go to counseling and try. That skank will lose and you can smile as you see her next. Checkmate baby!

    I know it hurts I have been there done that. My husband cheated with a married woman. Neither really wanted out of there relationship, they just wanted a fantasy relationship with no responsibility, no bad times and the support of each other without financial drain. Once they were found out neither left. I am sorry for your loss, I know my husband feels used but he should! He was because I think he liked her more than she did him. She was half his age and with a young child. She had no intentions on leaving her husband of just one year marriage. She had a history of sleeping with co-workers in higher positions then her. She continued after this affair for years on her husband. Again, She was half his age and with a young child. His and alot of other mens fantasy. We have worked thru it and believe it or not we have a closer relationship. It opened my eyes to life. It made him realize what he was losing. I moved out 3 months after the affair ended and we are still living in seperate houses. He almost lost everything and I gained the knowledge that I can be successful without him. We are about to embark on reuniting our lives but I am wiser, stronger and will not put up with any shit from him or anyone. I have just as much power as he does and if he decide to go or cheat again. I would be ok. My advice to couples that want to work thru this is seek help. Make boundries and realize that it is cowardice to cheat. It is easier to tell your spouse what you are missing or what you need then cheat and risk losing your life, kids, house and break apart multiple families. The pain isnt worth being afraid to ask your spouse to try something different or let him/her know what you are missing. The old saying its cheaper to keep her/him is so true! So your choice, cheat and let him/her take everything you have (in my eyes deserved!) or stay, talk and if you cant make the changes spend the small amount it cost for therapy!


  50. angie March 28, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    I AGREE THERE”S NO PASSION IN BED ITS NOT ALWAYS THE WOMAN ITS BECAUSE HE”S CHEATING AND THE GUILT CAN”T KEEP IT UP

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