Ex Lovers in Dreams

April 14, 2010 at 5:02 pm

Dreams about exes mean there are unresolved issues. Why the dreams if you no longer love them? Maybe you’re hoping to get back together with this past lover. Dreams of a former lover or husband are some of the most common dreams we receive from readers. Usually one of two feelings arises from such dreams. Either the dreamer wonders why they’re dreaming of a past relationship when they no longer love that person, or the dreamer is hoping to get back together with their ex. Either way, the dreams usually point to some unresolved feelings connected to the past relationship — or break-up — that can hinder them from moving on to a new relationship. The following dreams illustrate vividly why ex-flames come back to haunt us.

Sandra’s harrowing elevator ride reveals a relationship fear connected to her ex:

I dream that I’m with a married couple I’m not close to. They are urging me to attend a private cocktail event with them. I attend the event reluctantly because it’s on the penthouse of a 300-floor building, and I’m terrified of the elevator ride. Both the elevator ride up to the 300th floor, and the ride back down and after the event, are terrifying. As we leave the building, a group of other guests arrive for another black tie event. My ex is among them. He approaches the couple I’m with to greet them, ignoring me at first. As he’s about to leave, he nods in my direction. To make him feel guilty for ignoring me, I give him a disapproving look that says, “I know you aren’t better than that.” Upon which, he walks towards me, shakes my hand, kisses me on the cheek and asks me how I am.

In the next scene, I’m sitting among a group of women. One is holding a child and telling us how her man — who happens to be my ex — has changed. He is no longer flirting and dating around, but is committed to her. She continues that he is a new man, an honest man, a man ready for a lasting commitment. I look at her with pity, telling her that someone like him will never change. Eventually I lead her and her baby to him, on the stairs of the building (from the beginning of the dream), knowing he’s marrying her because they have a child together. And knowing that is the only reason he is committing to her.

Sandra is exploring her attitudes and concerns about marriage, as symbolized by the married couple who beckon her to the private cocktail event. And . . . what’s the ultimate private cocktail event for many of us? A wedding, of course! Which brings us to the harrowing elevator ride. It symbolizes the emotional ups and downs Sandra experienced with her ex. Three-hundred floors? That’s a steep climb, followed by an equally steep drop. What she’s really terrified of is the emotional turbulence that accompanies a relationship. She might ask herself if this fear is stopping her from opening her heart to a new partner. Get personalized advice from a psychic!

As for the ex’s rudeness, I wonder if he ignored Sandra’s feelings when they were together. The guilt trip might have been her way of making him pay attention to her, or to make him feel bad for his neglect. The woman with the baby is the “what if” scenario that Sandra might have found herself in if she’d stayed with him. Not the kind of forced commitment she’d want, certainly. She needs a man who offers his heart freely without having to be “guilted” into it.

So why is Sandra still dreaming of her ex? She probably needs to forgive him for his behavior toward her, and forgive herself for choosing him as a partner. Then she’ll be free to move on to a healthier relationship.

Sexy dreams about Bethany’s ex are interfering with her current relationship:

I keep having intimate dreams about my ex-boyfriend, who I think I still have strong feelings for. I haven’t had any closure from him since he broke up with me four years ago. I don’t feel any spark between me and my current guy, who I have a child with. Do you think my feelings for my ex are interfering with my current relationship?

In a word, yes. Unless there’s closure with the past, it’s difficult to connect deeply with someone new. The recurring dreams reveal the sexual attraction Bethany still has toward her former flame, which are hindering her current relationship. The dreams also suggest another problem: the lack of sexual connection with her current partner, which may not reach its full potential unless she lets go of her ex. If the chemistry just isn’t happening with her current guy, even through she’s released her ex, at least Bethany will be free from the past to meet someone new, if that’s what she chooses to do.

Sanja has trouble hearing the messages offered in this dream about her ex:

I dream I’m at the restaurant where I work as a waitress. I’m dining with two girlfriends. My ex-lover shows up — in my face — kissing the girl that I think he replaced me with. I don’t know what to do or where to look; I’m extremely uncomfortable. My friends and I leave restaurant and get into a car. I receive two text messages from my ex. I can’t read the second one because I wake up, but the first one says something like . . . Well, I can’t recall exactly, but I do remember feeling excited because he is contacting me; it doesn’t matter what he is saying. I tell the bartender about the text message, and he laughs it off, saying that is how a man tries to put the blame on you. I feel like my ex thinks I’m trying to trap him or something.

Sanja didn’t think what her ex said was important? What is she not paying attention to when it comes to men? In reality, she probably missed a lot of clues about her ex, like how he treats women or whether he was really ready for a commitment. If Sanja looks back on her relationship honestly, she’ll undoubtedly see the truths that were in her face (as she put it), but which she ignored. The bartender offered some wisdom when he told her the meaning of the text messages. He played the role of her inner voice, the intuitive part of her that sees the truth. If Sanja pays closer attention to what her inner voice is telling her, she’ll have an easier time attracting a guy who will treat her well.

It’s all about acknowledging the lesson, letting go and moving on. If you frequently have dreams about ex-flames, perhaps it’s time to do some soul-searching about releasing the resentment, anger, longing or even the love that is keeping you from moving forward.

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4 Responses to “Ex Lovers in Dreams”

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  1. dare to dream January 13, 2014 at 9:11 am

    Recently I have been having dreams about a boyfriend from high school. We dated for 3years and not only was he my first love, he was my FIRST sexual partner. In the dream we are a couple sometimes back in high school. In some dreams we are very intimate. He and I had plans to marry. Now im married with 3 kids and he has 2, not aure if he married. I lovw my husband dearly, but im wondering if there are feelings for him deep down still. Are there unresolved issues from the past? I really need advice…


  2. Helen July 19, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Amber-We LOVE, LOVE, LOVE our pictures! In fact we have got nohting but compliments. You were fabulous! We didn’t even know you were there once the wedding began. Thank you so much for everything we can’t thank you enough!Much love-Daniel and Molly


  3. Iracema July 19, 2012 at 6:35 am

    you just need to be honest with her, just talk to her with out being too pushy. she obloiusvy needed some time and you’ve been reasonable and given it to her. bare in mind she is only 18 and she probably needs to just be independent and live her life. i know you think you may need her but if you hold out she should realise what shes got with you. dont drive your self too crazy about it, if its meant to be then it will work out. our tip: try and keep yourself busy so you don’t think about it too much and you’ll feel loads better. dont let her drive you under it’s not worth it honest xx


  4. nelsongonzales February 23, 2012 at 6:07 am

    ide like to know my dreams

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