Just when you think he’s gone for good, your ex-lover comes back to haunt your dreams. But it’s not really your former flame that’s “haunting” you, but rather, something about your relationship that’s still stuck in your psyche. Most likely it’s an unresolved issue that will likely reappear in a new relationship if you don’t deal with it now. Working with the symbolism in your dreams will help free you of emotional minefields so you can attract a healthy relationship. Let’s take a look at two dreams of ex-flames to discover what revelations they hold for each dreamer.

Helen in Long Beach, California is fleeing from her ex, and other things in this dream:

I am currently going through a divorce from a sex addict and alcoholic. I filed for divorce in June 2009, but we are still in the court system trying to work out child custody. Here is my dream:

I am in a twin bed, and my soon to be ex-husband is supposed to be in the other twin bed. But instead, he crawls into the room through the window as I am pretending to be asleep. He checks on me and knows I’m not sleeping. Inside, I know he’s cheating on me again. But instead of confronting him, I just want to leave and run as fast as I can from him. I tell him I don’t want to hear any more lies, and he just keeps telling them to me, like I would believe them.

Next, I run into my boss. She’s his latest victim/tryst, but she doesn’t know that I know. She wants to talk to me, but I don’t want to talk to her because I know the truth. So I try to run from her, too, but she keeps chasing after me. I run into a hotel elevator with other people, but I know I can’t outrun her, so instead, I try to outwit her by stopping on a floor where I can hide from her. I stop at the parking level, where I see my daughter’s favorite blankie, and pick it up. Then I run and jump over a car hood to hide between two cars. My boss stops so close to me that I’m scared she’ll get me. And even though I don’t see my ex running after me, I feel he is right there, too. I wake up still feeling like I am scared and running, my heart pounding, fearful that they will catch me. What does this mean?

I’m out of breath just reading this dream! Needless to say, Helen is going through a difficult time with her divorce. In her dreams and perhaps in her waking life too, she’s relentlessly running from something — let’s see if we can discover what that is.

Front and center is her husband. In Helen’s dream, he’s not where he’s supposed to be (home in bed), but sneaking in through the window. His stealthy actions symbolize his subterfuge in waking life. The twin beds point to the lack of emotional/sexual affinity between them. Pretending to be asleep symbolizes her reluctance to become aware of what’s happening in her relationship. She’d rather just run away from it, hoping to escape the emotional pain, most likely. Even so, she courageously tells him to stop lying to her. Speaking up suggests she has more inner strength than she gives herself credit for.

As for her boss, I believe she symbolizes the capable, independent part of Helen. The fact that Helen describes her boss as her husband’s “latest victim/tryst” is very telling. It’s actually Helen’s self-esteem that’s taken a hit. Her sense of security (the blankie) has been shattered as well. Most likely, her intention to escape indicates she doesn’t feel up to the task of taking back her personal power. Still, Helen’s inner “boss” is determined to find her, which means that if Helen can access the capable part of herself once again, she’ll have an abundance of inner strength to draw upon when she needs it.

For Blanca in Garden Grove, California, recurring dreams hold the key to relationship success:

For the past two weeks, I have been dreaming about a guy I had fallen in love with. Although we dated for almost six months, we were never really a couple, and we didn’t communicate very well. I finally broke it off and said we should just remain friends.

In the first dream, I’m at his house, and my family and his family are there, too. Suddenly, more people are there, like it’s a party. But the weird part is, he and I aren’t communicating, just ignoring each other. I’m always alone, waiting for him to come and talk to me, but he never does.

In the second dream, we’re headed to a hotel somewhere that looks like Vegas. I am going with my friend in her car, while he’s already there with my friend’s boyfriend. I call him to see where he is, but he never answers the phone. Then we go out to dinner and a child was there with us. I’m sitting next to my ex-boyfriend, feeling secure and warm. There is this sexual feeling to it, too. While we are waiting for our food, he is texting someone on an old, scratched up phone. I am on my phone, texting another guy. At least in this part of the dream we are talking a little. I show him my phone and he shows me his. I call him “boo.” The child is sitting near us, but was eating. I really want to know why I keep on dreaming about him.

Blanca’s lack of communication with her ex-boyfriend is what’s haunting her. But it’s not just his problem — it’s hers too, or else these dreams wouldn’t keep pestering her. What stands out in both dreams are the distractions in the form of partiers, separate cars and texting other people. I wonder if outside influences and old family patterns are blocking Blanca’s ability to express her feelings when she’s in a relationship. Her guy’s decrepit phone points to his own outmoded way of communicating. The meaning of the name “boo” will likely come to Blanca if she meditates on it. The child eating dinner symbolizes the relationship between Blanca and her guy, a bond that needs nurturing in order to thrive. Mainly, the dreams are encouraging Blanca to examine the dynamics of her family’s way of communicating feelings, which will reveal some insights to help her express herself with her next beau.