Understanding the Life Stages of Men

June 3, 2010 at 12:39 pm

There are several key stages in a man’s life that will drive his passions, relationships, and fears. The three pivotal stages which will decide ultimately who he is and what he will accomplish will occur sometime between his early twenties and late forties.

The Guy in His Twenties

The man in his twenties is focused on leaving his mark. Men gauge much of their worth by their job performance, so it is not uncommon to find men of this age becoming workaholics. Beyond work, the younger man is busy discovering who he is and what he cares about. If he fails to find a stable partner, it may set the stage to enter his thirties in stagnation, self-absorbed and fearing commitment.

A good woman can save him from this, but she will need to learn to communicate with him.If a woman wants to get something across, she has to come right out and say it in concrete terms. When a woman complains of being unhappy in terms like, “Even when you’re here, you aren’t really here,” he’s going to look at her like she’s speaking Dr. Seuss. Instead, she could say, “When you come home from work, I understand that you may need time to unwind, but I really enjoy talking to you, and would like to do it more often.”

A man in his twenties may doubt his ability to make a woman happy, compensating by dating as many women as he can. Younger men seek safety in numbers (of women), but what they fail to realize is that women hate the numbers game, and those numbers can dwindle quickly once one number starts talking to another. Use these five rules to get the younger man to commit to just you.

The Guy in His Thirties

A guy in his thirties (depending on if he is married) may not feel much different from his twenties. He may be slightly irresponsible and selfish, but will soon realize that he is not as indestructible as he once thought. These are the years when he will realize his inevitable decline. This may benchmark a sadness over his lost youth, but can lead to a renewed drive to find a lasting love.

Working against his search for companionship will be the fact that he is becoming set in his ways as a single bachelor. This can bring about a lot of conflict in relationships, as while he may say he wants to be a team, he lacks the ability to think beyond himself. Getting a guy in his thirties to commit is a bit of a race against time. The longer he enjoys his bachelorhood, the more set in his ways he will become.

One of the first things a woman can do to ease a thirty-year-old into commitment is to understand his fears. One thing all men fear is failure. Failure at work, life, and in their relationships. Men like to be the hero, which means knowing he can please his partner, making her feel secure and loved. Men are more apt to listen and act upon relationship problems when criticisms are preceded by a compliment.

The Guy in His Forties

Being comfortable and secure in life, family, friends, and career are what every man hopes to achieve by the time he is forty – but not every man does. Some men have no more understanding of who they are at forty than when they were twenty. A confused guy in his forties may wish he could start over, pulling away from his long-term partner, cheating on his wife, buying a red sports car, and partaking in what’s been described as a “mid-life crisis.”

The unmarried forty-year-old has lived for himself for over twenty years. He has seen enough weary married men dragged through the mall behind their wives to believe that there isn’t always a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. He may fear commitment and marriage more than ever, and the chance that he will make a lifestyle change is slim. If he doesn’t want to get married (i.e., doesn’t want kids), take his word at face value. What you see/hear is generally what you get.

One of the biggest complaints for older men is that they are stuck in their glory days, wearing the same clothes, listening to the same music, and using the same pickup lines as they did in college. Women, however, embrace the new by keeping up on the latest music, fashions, and hip dialect. This may lead some women to date younger men, but with age comes benefits. The older man is generally more stable (emotionally and financially), a better listener, and in some ways a superior (more controlled) sex partner.

So ladies, when you cast your line out to the man-sea, know that there really is no way to gauge which ones to throw back by their age. All men mature differently, offering a different experience depending on the outcome of each stage. Ultimately, what you are looking for is a man who knows who he is, or is at least well on his way to making that discovery!

What’s your take on how men mature… or don’t?

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10 Responses to “Understanding the Life Stages of Men”

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  1. Ed deangelo July 16, 2014 at 8:02 pm

    Please provide other insight in mans life journey. I’m 68 and very happily married. But I expect much perhaps too much of myself.


  2. jp61 June 10, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    As I would like to say that when a man is over 40, and has never been married, engaged or have kids than that is a BIG RED FLAG! I mean honestly, c’om that guy WILL NEVER EVER COMMIT! I dont care if you stay forever with him do voodoo on him, he will never find his ONE! or love of his life! he will go throught hundreds and thousands of different woman and will say the same thing over and over again,sorry your not the one, sorry Iam not in-love with you, to him your a moron, if you dont get it! he will never change!
    he will hang on to his booty call or insecure wacko woman for life! sorry but it is what it is….a OVER THE HILL PLAYER til the end! just feel sorry for them!


  3. azfromaz June 10, 2010 at 8:18 am

    No kiddng. I am in my 50s and what about us? We are the new 30s, or don’t you get that?


  4. ladida June 10, 2010 at 3:32 am

    No matter how much you read about understanding men, even actually living half a lifetime with a man, can ever help you figure them out. After 25 years, I am recently divorced to a man I love to this day. There was much love between us and there was much pain too but I have moved on. But for the life of me I don’t think I can ever figure out the why’s and wherefores.


  5. Puly June 10, 2010 at 2:36 am

    Hi Jai i agree with you and its difficult for women to make a connection when one meets a men who is still trying to find out who he is in his 30s.Thanks for the artcle its an eye opener..


  6. indigodance June 10, 2010 at 12:49 am

    Jai, that was wonderful !!! You put into words what I have been thinking for years, and also filled in a few gaps from a male perpective. Thank you so much.

    When I look at a man, I dont see body in the physical, I see energy on a path. I see much of the tourment and also the many lessons yet to be learned (this is the same for women).

    Especially the victimisation as you called it of the illusion. Belive me I am one of the few that Eric speaks of, and its a very, very lonely journey – the men in my life treat me with contempt as I dont act like other women. People are also conditioned by each other (and societys mould) what they think and should behave.

    To give such unconditional love seems a gift too far for many.


  7. padda June 9, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    what about 50 a over or dont we matter


  8. kroo June 4, 2010 at 5:36 pm

    Thank you for the clarity and wisdom you have shared here, Jai.
    Do you have a web site and/or articles written on subjects such as this?
    I have studied many cultural/social roles about women and I would love to read more about men from a mans perspective.
    Many women, especially the mature woman, such as myself, would be interested in hearing more about what you have touched on here.
    Much love and peace to you too!

  9. Gina Rose ext.9500
    Gina Rose ext.9500 June 4, 2010 at 7:27 am

    Hi Jai Krishna,

    Your input, your wisdon, is highly valued Jai,……Yes, I agree with you 100%….

    …. in many cases, love is blind…..but, the important thing to remember, is that Karma isn’t !!!!!!

    Excellent article by Eric,…..

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500


  10. Jai Krishna Ponnappan June 3, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    Yes as you put it “All men mature differently” The keys to this man puzzle. At the end of the day, all I can say is that some men fall prey to the temptations of the fruits of their labor while others mature enough and display detachment to the false pleasures and illusions of life. Some men chase after the fruits of their labor like Adam chased after the apple. His love for Eve pushed the weakness of his heart to its very limits. At the end he fell behind as a man consumed with desire, temptation, and delusion of all the false fruits, and fleeting yet deceiving pleasures he chased after. The desire for the apple left his heart with a burning sensation that caused him much suffering. The unwholesomeness inherent in this fruit forced him to leave behind a legacy that chases after the same illusory falsehood. Was he fruitful with all his suffering? Has Eve left us the answers with all her riddled children? We may call and categorize all the stages of a man’s growth as being normal. It’s nothing but the victimization of his heart and hers, whether twenty, thirty, forty or seventy ……….. a lucky few on their death beds realize was it all worth the ride? Being tricked by the temptations and tests of life is a lesson no man seems willing to learn. But a handful of fortunate and wise souls eventually do. As a 12 yr. old boy I remember leaving men 6 times my age dumb founded and startled. Maturity is spiritual; sometimes life may get lucky in adding it to your soul. Look inside a Man’s eyes for they are a door to his soul. See and behold what has become of it so far regardless of all things mundane including all forms of wealth be they material, spiritual, emotional or sensual. In this day and age the women you speak of Eric are hard if not impossible to find. No one is perfect not even this experience we call life. I wish everyone the very best and I hope and pray that they’ll all meet and unite with their deserving soul mates some day. The truth is far removed from my prayers but I still pray in hope, faith, passion and sincerity. Someday true wisdom and her keeper will open up all the stages of every man and woman’s growth and make its presence felt. Until then all men and women are left riddled to figure out for themselves the strange mysteries of the wisdom they’ve ignored in every single stage of their lives.

    - Love, blessings and peace to one and all

    P.S – Love is blindness. Unconditional to its very core. Between a man, his woman and their lives love gels all to add more glory to the truth that it already is.

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