Why Doesn’t He Respect Me?

August 25, 2010 at 11:00 am

Respect is one of the most important attributes of any relationship, and without it, a relationship invariably suffers and ultimately ends. Men seem unable to fall in love with a woman if he does not respect her. He may date and sleep with a woman he does not respect, but nothing serious will ever come out of such a relationship. Whether you have just met the guy, or have been involved with him for some time, there are certain pitfalls to look out for when it comes to that delicate relationship dynamic called respect.

Low Self-Esteem

Perhaps the most important factor in gaining another’s respect is by first respecting yourself. A healthy self-esteem is manifested in all of your thoughts and actions, and men quickly pick up on that. If you’re constantly putting yourself down, you inadvertently betray the most unattractive side of your psyche. Most men don’t want to deal with self-sabotaging women because it makes them feel responsible for having to make you feel better about yourself, which is exhausting. Often, the men that do look for women with no self-respect are either looking for an easy lay, or someone they can use as their emotional or physical punching bag, and we definitely want to steer clear of that!

Too Fast and Loose?

It’s a cliché, but the rule still applies. If you sleep around with a lot of guys and that information gets out, many men will still want to sleep with you, but they most likely will not respect you. The same goes for sleeping with a guy upon first meeting him. It may make men seem hypocritical and shallow, but perhaps it is better to think about it in a different way. Everyone wants value in their life, and you tend to appreciate that which you have to work for versus the things that are simply given to you. If you give up the goods to a guy so easily, he’ll presume you do that with every man, and there’s no value in something that anyone can have.

A Clinging Vine

It’s just not attractive to cling to a guy, melding part of his identity with yours. In this day and age, most men want independent women who have their own voices, who are not “yes” girls so eager to please their guys that they consistently compromise their interests and lifestyles for their men. This holds true for jealous behavior as well. You need to give your guy some room to breathe, and if you’re constantly getting on him about his female friends or any conversation he may have had with a girl, your suffocating behavior will surely lead to his loss of respect.

Pulling the Strings

Some women feel that love is a battlefield, where it’s every man and woman for themselves – and may the best tactics win. They think that they need to control and manipulate their men in order to get them to do what they want. A guy may put up with some of this if he really cares for you, but unless he’s stupid, he’ll eventually come to resent your behavior. It’s hard to trust someone you feel is manipulating you and, worse yet, it looks cowardly when you attempt to get what you want underhandedly instead of forthrightly saying it. If a guy feels your behavior is deceitful and cowardly, you can be sure there’s not much room for respect there.

Don’t Be a Nag

Are you whiny all the time, never satisfied with what the two of you are doing, what he’s wearing, how he chews his food, etc.? Is it never good enough, no matter how hard he tries? You may think that you have the upper hand if you always act dissatisfied, while he’s always trying to please you, but that will get old fast. The high maintenance girlfriend role will eventually feel like more work than it’s worth, and your lack of appreciation will make him feel disrespected. If he feels you don’t respect him and his efforts, how can you expect him to do the same for you?

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13 Responses to “Why Doesn’t He Respect Me?”

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  1. Bunny October 14, 2014 at 8:34 pm

    In regards to Viols, seems to me he just used you. You are a beautiful person and deserve so much more. I also strongly agree with the Diadriel’s reply.


  2. Bunny October 14, 2014 at 8:29 pm

    This article has certainly opened my eyes. I am currently I’m this kind of relationship. I do stand for myself but he consistently ignores me and I realize it’s me who has to change. Boundaries are important although it’s harder to implement them. Speaking up is the best thing to do and if they can’t handle that then it’s there loss. Everybody deserves to be respected.


  3. C January 1, 2014 at 4:14 pm

    Don’t agree with the low self esteem. Actually before I met my partner I was/im a strong woman, I have my own voice, and to be honest, I am completely happy with myself. But him, well…. all he wanted to do was demolish what I had about myself. Everything thing he tells me I don’t believe because I know the person that I am.
    Ladies…. men do not only disrespect you because you have low self esteem, in general they just do not respect you why? Idiots! Its a power thing with some males because they feel insecure, so it gives them a sense of true strength when they bring a happy, strong woman down. Very sad indeed!


  4. Swthart April 4, 2012 at 12:38 am

    Hi, I am in a relationship where my boyfriend doesnt respect me, he calls me names, grabs me and throws me from this end to that end, he swears me and makes me feel worthless. I am with him for 1year and 6months now and in the beginning it was all a bed of roses. He started getting possessive and started controlling me. He tells me to leave if I dont like it. He doesnt like other guys looking at me or me even talking to any. He doesnt like me socializing. I had to lose all contact with my friends. He doesnt like me spending time with my family because he’s afraid they will introduce me to another guy or something like that. I have broken down recently, and told him exactly how i feel. I asked him to fix our relationship because its heading down a very nasty path. I know his good side and I do love him alot, im hanging onto the hope that oneday he will change. I have had 4 relationships before him and he always picks that. Up until today I know that my boyfriend only sees what he chooses to see. He is always assuming the worst and is very pessimistic. I really dont want to lose my boyfriend but i also dont want him to think he can take advantage of that. Am i not respecting myself?


  5. hair January 6, 2012 at 12:41 am

    It helped


  6. Bhakta Babu December 24, 2011 at 10:53 am

    I learn here how maintain my respect from others. I fill like.


  7. Linda September 11, 2011 at 5:07 am

    Very nice. This was what I was needing to hear and understand. Great information.


  8. viols August 21, 2011 at 9:04 am

    this is certainly a very informative information. i am actually in a deep loneliness right now. just recently broke up with my boyfriend though i dont realy want that to happen but i have given no choice but to do it.
    when it was mention on this article about the the Clinging Vine.it was the same thing that had happened to me but in some other part i was not sure if its all my fault. my ex and i had been known each other for more than 2 yrs and we just met personally last may of this year only.(by the way its a long distance relationship). i had considered our relationship before as an almost perfect coz we seldom had fall out and it was always resolve in a good way. we had so many dreams and plan together.

    he went here in our country to meet me personally, i introduced him to my family and friends and he left me with a ring as a signed of our engagement and good future.

    we were planned that i will go to his country by this coming october. when he went back to his country on june then he met a couple. the girl was a filipina like me. they became friends but he was much more closer to the woman. they always went out and have fun stayed in his house, cook for him and always accompanied him in every events. at first, i tried to understand that they were just friends but i was already feeling jealous inside. but i was trying to hide it coz i know that he wouldnt like it. until he had changed his behavior and he never texted me back, no time for me and often time not answering my call. when i raised my problem to him about being jealous he became very defensive to me and got easily upset. then until he already stop texting me and not answering my emails. one time when i checked on his facebook account. it was all of their pictures, not even a single pic of mine was seen.

    i had tried to communicate with him becoz he obviously avoiding me ,that actually killing me with sadness and fear. then one time i had caught him online and talk to him and he was furious at me said why i was stalking on him. he changed a lot and never respected me anymore. i was chatting on him and obviously he was also chatting with someone else on the other line coz it took him more than 3 mins to answer me and there were several times that the messages he sent me was intended on the other person. it actually broke my heart. he even blame me for everything, said that i was trying to control him. then he told me that he doesnt love me at the moment becoz of that.

    then after that talk, i came to my realization that he was already a different person. he was not the one that i have love and shared my time and emotions for more than 2 yrs. thus i decided to break up with him. though i dont want that to happen but i was thinking how can i insist myself to a man who does not love and respect me anymore. when we broke up as if everything was just fine with him. i never saw any regrets from him and that’s really broke my heart coz i know that i was the only one who feel the pain and value the memories.

    right now, i am still trying to cope up with my lost. i am still in love with him and the future that we had planned together was just vanished in thin air. obviously before we broke up someone already own his heart. that only make me feel worst.i am thinking if its really my fault to lost him. i am really in despair and suffering from extreme sadness. i am still asking myself, how can a person easily forget all the memories that we build up for years to someone he just met for only a month.

  9. ivyx5198
    ivyx5198 September 8, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    OMG!! Awesome! I feel like attracts like. When I respect myslf, really respect myself, so will you. How I respect myslf in relationships of any kind is like this. My yes means yes. My no means no. It may sound simple but it took me some time to live it. I just love my forties!! Thank you for your article and your time.
    Namaste, Ivy oxox


  10. diadriel September 5, 2010 at 8:21 am

    I completely agree with the respect issue. ” I measure how much you love, honor and respect me, by how I see you love, honor and respect yourself ” — Will Rockingbear. However, the line you stated about not valuing something that comes easily or free, well, That is a domestication. Water, Air, Earth, Fire/Warmth, plants, animals, stars, oceans, etc….. We have a lot of abundance, including the love we have to give and receive, which doesn’t cost anything except our integrity to live by what is right for us. Again, giving and receiving the love in all things. I’m not saying jump in the sack with everyone you meet immediately. I’m saying that if your heart says ‘yes’, then follow it. If he doesn’t value your gift to him because you gave it freely and what you shared, I’d say that is His issue. Just because you work for something does not increase its inherent value to your life or the world. I’ve received many gifts, with little of no effort, that had just as much meaning and value to me as others I have struggled for. Value is in our perception. I’d say be careful and pay attention to what he perceives as value/worth to himself.


  11. maryannex9146 August 25, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    Hi,

    Thanks for a super article about respecting oneself.

    I have had male clients tell me that they are not required to respect anyone more than they respect themselves.

    You’ve mentioned all of the “Big 5″ weaknesses we all need to watch for and help clients work on.

    Sincerely,

    Maryanne
    X9146

  12. Gina Rose ext.9500
    Gina Rose ext.9500 August 25, 2010 at 3:10 pm

    Hi,
    Best article written in this blog since it started !!!!!!!!!! I wish that every woman, especially younger women, would read this and use it as sort of a rough , general guideline.

    Way to go, Alina !!!!!!!

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

  13. velvetoversteel
    velvetoversteel August 25, 2010 at 11:22 am

    Another Great, Great article, Alina! Respect is so important! & it goes both ways. I certainly want to find a man whom I respect in return too.

    I used to be ‘too eager to please’ and didn’t realize that was probably why I wasn’t respected and treated the way I should be.

    This post can help many, many woman!! Thank you, Alina!

    Big Hug,
    Coreen @ VOS

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