5 Signs He’s Not In It for Love

January 15, 2011 at 5:00 am

Every relationship requires give and take, but if the two of you have a deep love and affection for one another, there will always be a healthy and happy balance in your partnership. Some men (and women) get into relationships with motivations other than love in their mind, which is fine if both are on the same page. However, when the love and devotion of one party is not reciprocated, the relationship is in serious trouble. So whether he’s committing to the relationship out of a sense of duty, rebounding from a failed romance, or just using you for money or power, there are certain signs that point to a man with something other than love on his mind:

1. He’s Always Checking Out Other Women

If he seems consistently interested in other women, this can be a telltale sign that he is still “shopping around” for other women, and in some sense still considers himself available. If he spends as much time observing, complimenting, and befriending other women that he’s attracted to, you can be sure that he’s not fully committed to the relationship. Even if he is monogamous, he still considers his “heart” available, which simply means that he hasn’t given it to you.

2. Every Good Deed Seems to Come With Strings

Does every helpful gesture or favor seem to be followed automatically by something he needs from you? In a loving relationship, both people should want to do things for the other, without expecting something in return. If he’s boastful about the newest sweet thing he’s done for you, and then you find yourself instantly requested to reciprocate, or to reward his good deed, there’s a good chance that what he’s looking to get out of the relationship isn’t sweet everlasting love.

3. He Doesn’t Make the Effort to Spend Quality Time With You

One of the ways men show their interest in and love for women is the time they make to spend with them. Making time for you shows that you are a priority to your man, as does his attitude when you are together. Men who are in love with their women are excited to see them and share special moments. If he’d rather be hanging out with friends, going out with coworkers, or generally doing anything else that doesn’t involve quality time with “his girl,” then you may want to re-evaluate where his heart actually resides.

4. He Doesn’t Share Much of Himself

How much does he open up to you in the relationship? If a man truly loves a woman, he will want to share himself with her. Whether it’s his dreams, his goals, his fears, or just the type of day he’s had at work, if he’s in love, he’ll want you to be a part of the totality of his life. He’ll want to show you off to his friends and family, and it’ll be because he’s really into you; not due to the amount of money you make, or type of job you have, or because it will get his family off his back about finding a girl.

5. He Only Shows Interest in You as it Relates to Him

A loving partner will be interested, supportive and excited about every aspect of your life, whether or not it affects him directly. He may even make sacrifices in the relationship so that you can receive some joy in an experience that may take money or time away from the two of you, but that he knows will make you genuinely happy. If he responds to all of your successes and disappointments in your life from the standpoint of how it either aids or hampers his life, he is exhibiting a selfishness that comes from someone who is only out for himself.

There are many reasons people get into relationships, and sometimes it’s just not about love. As long as both people are OK with this, the partnership can be beneficial to both in a utilitarian fashion. But if you’re looking for that one true love – the real thing – then it’s best to be aware of whether or not he feels the same.

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3 Responses to “5 Signs He’s Not In It for Love”

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  1. RS July 10, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    Sounds like my boyfriend!!!


  2. Nasir Dambatta August 17, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    This analysis is great


  3. Tina Ketterman May 18, 2011 at 8:10 am

    Omg, he is def not in it for love…how many of you have the same kind of man?

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