Financial Infidelity: Recover From a Cheating Partner

April 26, 2011 at 5:00 am

Your Partner Cheated on You With the Credit Cards and Checkbook… Now What?

As surveys continue to collect information about financial infidelity in relationships, it has been suggested there may be a lot more people currently being cheated on then we realize. According to the numbers, approximately 30 percent of all couples sharing money have lied to their partner about finances, which includes secret purchases and hidden credit cards/bank accounts. In addition, as many as 25 percent of couples have withheld financial information from their partner, which may include bank/credit card statements, yearly earnings, and personal debt.

These indiscretions may seem harmless, but what these liars don’t realize is that over 70 percent of cases of financial infidelity will be found out eventually, and 42 percent of these relationships will experience a steep drop in trust because of it. One fourth of those in committed relationships claim it is more important for their partner to be honest about their finances than about an extramarital affair. This would explain why statistics also suggest 16 percent of relationships experiencing financial infidelity end in divorce, and 11 percent will go through a trial separation until their partner seeks help.

These are some pretty bleak statistics, but let’s roll up our sleeves and see what you can do to put the odds back into your favor?

1. Get the Facts

The first step of financial infidelity is to collect all the facts. You need to see just how much cheating has been going on. You can order a free credit report, which will give you a lowdown of the situation. While most infidelity falls under the occasional pair of shoes or garage tool, there have been cases of partners purchasing vehicles, homes for mistresses, and stealing money out of joint accounts.

2. Understand That a Bigger Problem May Exist

Couples experiencing financial infidelity are often just scratching the surface of the root of the problem. Deceitful spending has many unpleasant origins, which may include infidelity, insecurity, addiction, and revenge. As you’d expect, hidden spending can be a red flag for an affair. It takes money to keep a mistress happy, so if their cover has been blown, pay attention to what the money was being used for (hotels, jewelry stores, airfare, etc.). Insecure partners may also hide money as a means to feel more secure in their relationships, putting it away for a rainy day, so to speak. Be aware that this action can be the pre-stages to a divorce.

Checkbook cheating can be an attempt to fill a void in your partner’s life. Multiple thrill purchases can give some cheaters a momentary high, also known as medicated spending. Addictive personalities may find secretive spending a means to continue a bad habit, such as alcohol, gambling, drugs, or prostitution. Financial infidelity can also be used to get revenge for a wrong your partner feels was done to them. In most cases, however, cheating with the checkbook or credit cards is mostly about buying something that they knew you’d most likely not approve of, so they purchased it without you knowing. This leads to the next course of action, setting aside a slush fund.

3. Set Aside a Slush Fund

If your investigations have not uncovered any serious problems, one way to curb hidden spending is to allow each other a certain allowance to spend on whatever you want each month. It could be as minimal as $20, or as high as $300. The important thing is that the two of you agree to the amount, and promise to stick to it. This slush fund will give both partners enough freedom to enjoy some of their favorite indulgences, while also keeping a cap on the amount of trouble they can get into. If there is an item that will cost more than the monthly allowance, they can either save up for it, or sit down and talk it over to decide if it fits in the budget.

4. Improve Communication

Financial infidelity is as much a breakdown in communication, as a red flag for other problems. Communicating and understanding is a key component to avoiding fiscal misunderstandings. As a couple, you should be able to talk about future purchases and make compromises where necessary. Make time once a month to discuss your budget. Keep these discussions light and friendly, without lecture or blame. Your goal should be to fortify your partnership, while also allowing for (reasonable) individual indulgence.

More on: Eric J. Leech
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2 Responses to “Financial Infidelity: Recover From a Cheating Partner”

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  1. dr September 14, 2012 at 2:20 am

    Hello all,

    I think many of you ask yourself, what if i had the password of my friend / girlfriend / boyfriend, associate, life partner, to know
    the truth about your near partner, and reassuring that they do not hide you something.

    You have the right to be reasured !

    For all that are in need of this kind of services We come to your aid, feel free to contact us on our mail for any information, we will be happy to help you

    “Owning the information, means having the power ”

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  2. Gina Rose ext.9500
    Gina Rose ext.9500 April 26, 2011 at 8:08 am

    HI,
    Number 3 is very important……for many reasons.

    It is not always wise for one person in a relationship to always handle the money, pay the bills, etc.

    BOTH partners should have equal knowledge and ability to handle the everyday financial matters in a relationship, not only because of cheating, but in case of any crisis that might crop up such as medical emergencies and the like.

    I read on this issue quite often…….this is excellent advice, well done, Eric!

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

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