Are You Dating the Same Person Over and Over?

September 8, 2011 at 5:00 am

Let Go of Your Exes and Find Mr. Right

While the notion “better the devil you know” may work for some aspects in life, when it comes to relationships, the devil is often driven by the fear factor. Instead of wasting your dating years on has-beens that you know won’t ultimately work out, unshackle yourself from your painful past and explore some new frontiers. Let’s look at some great motivators for cleaning out the ex closet.

Closure

The funny thing about moving on is that you need to be fully willing to do so or it simply doesn’t work. This means cutting off all emotional ties you have built with that person. Coming to terms with why things unfolded the way they did allows you to release emotional attachment. You can hardly be open to taking applications for Mr. Right if you still in the emotional clutches of Mr. Wrong.

Self-Growth

It’s a sad fact that stale, negative relationships often hold up personal growth. If you are focusing all of your energy on dead-end relationships and their attendant negative aspects, you can be sure that you’ll have a hard time remaining open to new dating experiences.

Sexuality

Dating and sleeping with your ex just complicates old emotions. Women tend to bond easily with their sexual partners, so don’t disrupt the transition process by sleeping with an old beau when there are plenty of new and exciting sexual partners out there to discover.

Positivity

While most women know that staying involved with someone after things have gone sour will not improve personal happiness, letting go can be very painful. Even if you have convinced yourself that the emotional baggage no longer exists, be on the lookout for feelings that prove you haven’t really moved on. While possible in the best of worlds, it’s rare that two people can start completely fresh.

Keeping it Real

Ask yourself why you are staying with this person. Dating someone makes you less available to others, so be honest about the fact that a part of you may not feel open to new relationships. It takes strength to put yourself back out there in the dating minefield, so own up to any cowardice and make the courageous move to win at love!

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13 Responses to “Are You Dating the Same Person Over and Over?”

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  1. Natalie Holmes September 10, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    I have tried getting back with exs, not once but several times. It has never worked. What I came to realize was that the person was an addiction pure and simple. It has taken me years not to choose men that were wrong for me. I would know it in the beginning, as Hello–I was unhappy, break it off, continue to obsess about the guy, them try again–never worked–the same things were there, and the same anger and unhappiness would appear again. I think the answer is to get out there, circular date, give people a chance, and break the addiction to males who were not good for me. There are some really nice guys out there.


  2. Confused September 10, 2011 at 5:24 am

    My love was my first love for 5 years.throughout college we had many issues. We were strong for two years but when he crossed a fraternity eveeything changed. Our relationship went down hill. He began to cheat , lie, acted like I didn’t exist in front of his friends, and talked bad about me to where the whole campus thought I was crazy. But yet I still stayed bc I “loved”him.was not happy.lost weight from being depressed. A heart break is one of the worse things a person can go thru. Once I got myswlf together, I began to move on and date other people and learn alot of,things about myself . the fifth year he began to come around. Wanting to start fresh and he really was changing. Treating me like a quen,and,then I,found myself being mean to him and treated him like crap bc I was still holding grudge. I found somene else and quickly was n a,relatinship. It has been seven months and I miss him like crazy. Every night I think about him . My current bf wants me to erase all my pics of him amd get over him completley. Its like a piece of me gone and that hurts. I dont kno wether respect my relationship now or keep my memorys bc they r mine and me and my new bf is not guarantee.. But the article gave me closure. if it is meant to be it will happen.life is to short so I try to live everyday even when my heart is with someone else.


  3. Lynn Rose September 10, 2011 at 4:04 am

    Hey, it’s Lynn again! Could you futher extrapolate Paragraph #4 (Positively)….. “looking for signs you haven’t moved on…” I realize that “stalking” her or him is one of the signs. After my 13 years of breaking/making up roller-coaster ride affair. The “relationship edges” appear to be “just a idy-bidty” smudged and not as clear as they once were. On average we part 3 to 4 times a year. The longest was 8 months, (next) 6 weeks, then2-3 weeks… After 13 years this September 24th….. Everyday, from the first day has been better…. Not just the SEX! But, the good stuff! (Did I say that?) The trust, the sense of each other (the insight of what each other thinks inside), dislikes and loves (even with politics, religion and foreign affairs) No! Not a joke about foreign affairs after being in an affair for 13 years! IN LOVE, are things changing? “Open Marriages”, as a example? If I was the married one, it wouldn’t last…….
    13 seconds.

    Does that make me Old Fashion, Romantic, Immature or just possessive?


  4. Nena September 10, 2011 at 12:46 am

    I finally got it through my thick dumb skull not to go back to exes. Lord knows how many on again off again relationships I had throughout my life. Finally it dawned on me that going back to these guys was such a monumentally stupid thing to do. I finally can just shove them out of my head and close those doors.

    But boy it was hard. I tend to hold onto things and people way longer than I should.


  5. Mirandah September 9, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    Hey,i read your article and this is reality.i broke up with my ex 2 and half years ago and he moved on after a year and i tried to but i just cant handle the new person in my life.I have a child together with that ex boyfriend and when i look at my son,it still feels like a dream.I am still struggling to introduce a new man in my life.I still feel like i will be cheating to my ex hoping he’ll come back.We still phone each other for long talk and i always tel him how much i love him &he always says he wanna marry his new girlfriend and he will never forget about me.is it possible for this guy to reaaly come back after almost 3years? He some times gives me hope and later ask me if i can handle to be his second wife.i truely love him but can not really handle to share him with some one else and when i tel him dis he says he cant leave his girlfriend but he wanna come back to me,of which i dont knw when and how is he gonna do that? I am trying my best but its seems like i am expecting impossible mission to happen.how can i handle this,please help me out.


  6. moona saleemi September 9, 2011 at 11:36 pm

    i am married and had a deep emotional relationship with a married woman . i know it sounds awful. i am a decent guy. this never happened to me before. she asked for help a few times and we became friends. i helped her a lot over the last 4 years and suddenly she ended it all. we never had any sexual relationship. it hurt me a lot . now i think about it she was using me and never had any feelings for me. i am recovering and glad that she ended it . i wish i had the strength to do the right thing.


  7. Caren September 9, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    I went out with someone for seven months, and there were great things about the relationship, but sexually it never worked. I broke up because I didnt have the courage to speak up about what was wrong. After the break up I thought about him everyday and missed him a lot.

    We tried again, and this time I was very honest, and said I thought he should try therapy and I would be willing to go with if needed because I loved him. Unfortunately he turned it back on me, and was not willing to go to therapy. I know this sounds horrible, but it freed me because then I knew it wasnt meant to be, and am now at peace and open to a relationship with the right person, who is as attracted to me as I am to him. I deserve that!


  8. Karen September 9, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    I split with my ex back in 2009 and spent the next 20 months grieving and completely wrapped up in the “supposed to be” and “should have been’s”. We met back up in April and tried again. Amazing that it never felt right the second time; he couldn’t see that we are different people. He’s still caught up in all the negatives of our past and his love affair with Sam Adams sure doesn’t help any. It’s taken me a long time to realize that he is MY addiction and one that I get over one day at a time. Putting yourself and especially your heart out there again is damn scary, but I’m actually going on a second date tomorrow with someone. Whether it becomes anything is anyone’s guess, but life is too short to spend on people who don’t make you happy, don’t respect you or try to control you. Be happy!!!


  9. Arlene September 9, 2011 at 7:53 am

    I have gotten back together with my boyfriend several times. The last time, we even went to counciling and when that ended things went back to the way they were previously and even worse. All of the above is true and I hope your readers take note…it will save them a lot of heartache. This time, when I think of him, I mentally make a note to myself…stop, don’t think about him or anything associated with him…move on.

    I enjoy your articles….keep them coming.


  10. Melinda September 9, 2011 at 6:10 am

    This was a well written, helpful article for me.
    Thank you!


  11. Quanda September 9, 2011 at 4:57 am

    I was suppose to be getting married March 17,2012, but I havent seen or hear from him in two weeks and I think he just dont want to get married. What should I do?


  12. Nithesh September 9, 2011 at 4:25 am

    Life is short:)


  13. Skywalker September 9, 2011 at 3:30 am

    Hi Alina, I and my Fiancée broke up after 2years, both dated other people and the truth is that though we were dating others we were both in each others mind, had sex with others both the love was just not there. We got back together again after 10months and it was like the rise of the Phoenix, our love and relationship is better, happier and much stronger. We got to learn and appreciated each other better and people that advised both of us then to move on with our lives, are really suprised and amazed that the relationship is much deeper and stronger and we are now about to be married. Guess we are the minor percentage that it worked for. The truth is that love resides in the heart and both partners should know who really keeps the flame burning. I thank GOD and extremely happy that we got back together stronger and better.

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