Discover Happiness After the Pain

November 24, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Let Life’s Hardships Shape You Into a Better Person

The communications I receive from my callers and colleagues shape much of the writing that I do. I reflect on the problems, topics and challenges that I hear about.

Recently, a lady I know was having deep problems in her life. Her love relationship had crumbled and she had a sick relative to care for. She also had the challenge of moving her residence. All of these things were happening at the same time and she felt overwhelmed. There was no one there to support her emotionally, and she felt very hopeless and alone.

I feel for the people I communicate with, whether they be callers or colleagues. I told this lady that believe it or not, I had been through very similar problems in my earlier life. It was very, very painful. Terribly distressing. I could not find my emotional footing and there seemed to be no logic to the situation when I was trying my best. As the old song goes “If I had no bad luck, I’d have no luck at all!”

It’s bad enough to have to emotionally support yourself in a trying time, but worse when you must emotionally support another simultaneously. And I suspected she felt she felt guilty over the breakup in her love relationship, that she could have done more to prevent its failure.

I told her then that she was doing the good things she was meant to do!

I know it to be exhausting, trying to care for yourself, another and work, as well. But I could definitely tell her that this was not for forever, that someone else was coming into her life who would help lighten the load.

The work we do here at California Psychics can be hard at times. Many of the calls are troubling. I try to draw on the positive feelings that ARE in our callers and enjoy the calls whenever possible. Our callers want answers to their problems but are also interacting with us in other ways.

It was hard for this lady at that time. But I told her that these experiences shape who we are and develop our compassion and empathy for others. Unfortunately, I have never seen that growth occurs as a result of complacency and inertia. Many people do have luxurious lives, never have had to fight for anything, have never suffered great pain and are content with themselves. They have had no need to question, no need to feel empathy for others, and this is foreign to them.

I KNOW that if I hadn’t had the experiences I’ve had in my life, I wouldn’t have been able to relate to this lady and express my belief about better times that were coming. I would lack the capacity for empathy and would not have been concerned about easing her pain. There are many people who think “Well, it’s not my pain,” and that is the end of it for them. But they are losing a great opportunity for growth with this attitude.

This lady was being shaped by circumstances to grow. She was becoming MORE of a person, daily. She carried her load with willing grace.

Even the best of us grow tired!

I have a Christian background, so I must say that I don’t believe the Lord sends anything to us that we cannot bear. The stronger we are, the heavier the load, at times. But I don’t believe God sends or allows these circumstances to us in order to break us. It is in order to shape us and bring out our essence. I wish it were otherwise but I have never seen where continual happiness and placidity makes us better people. It always appears to be the hardships we undergo that make us MORE. And so we learn in this way about ourselves and God, and then how to help others.

The people I speak with stay in my prayers. I feel supportive of them as they go through each day. And I want them to know that nothing is forever, that happiness does come after the pain. This I absolutely believe.

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10 Responses to “Discover Happiness After the Pain”

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  1. Lils December 6, 2011 at 3:01 am

    Your article is so true. I am 48 lost my dad at 20 and had to take care of mum and my sis. Relationships came and went but none that were concrete. Finally 10 years ago I met someone who promised me the sun, moon and stars and when all the arrangements were made for the wedding walked away. Since then mum has undergone breast cancer, osteoporosis of the spine and hip. It is hard to tend to her, go to work and run house all alone without any emotional support. I am a buddhist and we are brought up to understand that all we are going though is our past karma, nevertheless it is hard to accept and hard to keep going on.


  2. debi December 4, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    Your article brought me to tears. I have been a Kidney patient on dialysis for over six years. I dialysize every night. I’m on a strict diet and exercise daily. The one thing and probably what I miss most is a human companion. A man that would love me for who I am and would allow me to give him my love in return. I’m 58 years young and have so much to offer to the right gentleman. I know you said that God gives us hardships in order for us to grow stronger and develop more character. However,
    being alone under these circumstances is really difficult.
    Many Blessings,
    Debi


  3. Jessy November 28, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    These articles are always inspiring in their own way. Sharing similar experience with other people makes you grow stronger,in a way. I have had a very similar experience recently. I found out that my boyfriend was actually planning to get married to another girl who he has been with for the past 2 years. While we were only together for 6months but the effort he put into making me fall for him was shocking, I would have never expected he had someone else in his life. Then I had to come home because one of my family members fell sick. So all this together, break up, moving and design with illness was overwhelming. I truly felt that the world had no more oxygen and that I could barely breathe.
    For me to get over the guilt of being the “other woman” in this guys life, I contacted the girl and told her what was happening. I felt that before she makes a life changing decision of marrying this guy, she should know what he has been doing. Because honestly if I were in her place, I would want to know! I felt at that time that this was the right thing to do. Later on he contacted me and told me that I ruined his life. I did believe that to some extent and felt very guilty for interfering, but then with soul searching and reflection, I noticed that he was the one that did this to himself. He shouldn’t dated me while he was in a relationship, and make me believe that what we had was special.
    Sometimes I feel that I have been so strong for a long time that now I was simply falling apart. But as you said I. Your article, it’s moments like these that help us define who we are. Now I’m here for my family as they are the ones that need me, and as for my heart, I’m sure that I will find someone who is worthy of my love.


  4. Janet Ramon November 27, 2011 at 4:57 am

    I myself have been experiences difficult times. This has been happening off and on since 2006. I’m hoping that eventually everything will turn for the better and stay that way. Sometimes I feel like a yo yo. Some of my hardships were self inflicted in a way. I was uncomfortable with my job, or I wished to pursue more pleasure with my art. Unfortunately though, I have also suffered great loss of family members and six wonderful pets within these few years. Hopefully I will turn out to be a better person and become even more empathetic to others pain.


  5. Wendy November 26, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    I, too, have recently had a relationship crumble along with, and partially due to, outside events. I have basically spent 2011 trying to convince my boyfriend that he didn’t do anything to deserve the bad treatment I’ve been giving him, and to end the relationship while we still retain some good feelings toward one another. Last week I dislocated my shoulder, and he still doesn’t understand that my problems are MY problems, not his responsibility and unfortunately nothing he can or should solve for me. Intellectually I know that God, the universe, or however you choose to call that entity won’t ask me to deal with more than I can handle, but while my shoulder was hanging out of its socket I truly learned what my limits are, and I really am ready to give up. It’s good to know there’s someone who might help me figure things out. Thank you.


  6. Tina November 25, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Great article! I can really relate to this. In the past 8 years, life has been a whirlwind for me. Let’s just start with the past two months! In September, I was rushed to the hospital with an intestinal attack. In October, I had an accident. After that, I had botox injections under my eyes to relax the muscles, which caused paralysis in the left side of my face. I also had to deal with awful problems at work. In November, I ended my 10 year relationship with my boyfriend. I sustained a massive amount of abuse and he drained me out mentally, physically and financially. He was also disloyal. I don’t know how I fell so hard for this piece of s***. I’m grateful that I can take a deep breath now, although I am very heartbroken. Hope things get better for December!


  7. Angel Heaven November 25, 2011 at 11:16 am

    I have had a reading with you Tansy before and yes, you did strike me as a quiet woman whose strength is loud and clear. As the lady you’re talking about in your article, I also wonder: Lord, how many more times do I need to suffer in this life? Then I immediately sense (at least) some of the answers forming in my heart: “I am responsible for some of my pain, my Lord did not just threw them on my plate just because… And, yes, I am growing in the midst of it all.” Thank you for your prayers Tansy!

  8. chloe
    Chloe ext. 9421 November 25, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Hi Tansy,
    Thank you for sharing these thoughts.

    It reminds me of the Tarot Card Temperance which counsels us that all emotions run through us. Emotions are in continual motion like water flowing from one cup to another.

    Whatever hardship we may be experiencing will always pass. The cup that is empty will eventually be full again; through it all we are given an opportunity to grow and discover new strengths within ourselves.

    Love & Light!

    ~Chloe (ext.9421)

  9. Reed x 5105
    Reed x 5105 November 25, 2011 at 9:33 am

    In order to grow, we must change – and we rarely make conscious decisions to change while we are comfortable. Sometimes it takes hardship, hurt feelings, and trying times to help us our characters evolve.

    Reed 5105


  10. gill November 24, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    after reading your page I feel that happiness does come after pain
    I also agree that having experienced unhappiness and problems one after another
    I began to be a much better person.

    MY feelings about life now are completely different. An old lady once told me that
    I was here for a reason and that because of circumstances I am able to help
    more needy people than myself.

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