Thinking the Unthinkable… Going Back to Your Old Partner
Most of us will have to face the choice of giving a partner a second chance at some point in our relationships. I can say from my own experience, it usually never pays to travel down a road that has already been paved with failure. However, there are enough success stories out there, to prove that occasionally the second or third time around really is the charm. The reality of these situations, is there is never one right answer to this dilemma, but rather a series of questions you need to ask yourself to know if it is a good idea or not.
Will I be able to bring closure if I walk away right now and never look back?
It is sometimes a good idea to give a relationship a second try, if for no other reason, but to put your mind to rest. If you’re afraid of “wondering” for the rest of your life what could have been. Wonder no more, and put your best foot forward (just watch out for any excrement you may trudge through as you enter some of those old, familiar stomping grounds). You can always step out if you need to.
Why didn’t it work the first time?
Sometimes a couple’s timing is off, or there were certain obstacles in the way of love (school, another relationship, career, etc.). On other occasions, the breakup might have been pushed by one side, leaving behind a trail of misunderstanding and hurt. In order to move forward, you will need to discuss the cause of the original breakup. Don’t make this discussion all one-sided, as both partners will need to accept some responsibility. However, if during your negotiations, you find that you do not have the same overall values, goals, and direction in life, then no amount of trying will ever be enough to work through your differences. Get personalized advice, contact a psychic today!
“Life is full of changes, and a broken heart is an opportunity to grow.” – Lacy ext. 5494
Are there things I could have improved?
When couples give it a second chance, their concentration is usually focused on trying to forgive their partner’s shortcoming, to be more accepting, or reduce their anger. It takes a lot of effort to dumb down these emotions, which can leave the overall relationship weak with exhaustion. Rather than trying to find ways to ignore your problems, it’s best to devise a plan to fix them. There is no better time to set a different course for your relationship, then after spending time apart. This is your chance to create new and improved habits, before falling back into the old.
What was working?
Before you can know what to change about your relationship, you should assess what was working. These will be the traits you miss about being with your partner. The moments you remember most about the relationship in general. Be careful about following down fairytale memory lane, as certain moments can appear happier than they really were through the magic of hopefulness.
What wasn’t working?
The purpose of this question is to target the specific areas of your relationship that need the most work. Look for the biggest reasons you have been upset with your partner, and earmark them as the most important things they’ll need to work on. Be as specific as you can. Once you have your list of problems, approach your ex, and ask if they would be willing to make these changes. Ask them to do the same evaluation for you. If you both have a clear direction of where the relationship needs to go, there will be less confusion on what needs to be done.
Can I forgive him/her?
Both partners must be willing to forgive each other for previous hurts, in order to trust each other. This is the question that should remind you of moments you would never want to put yourself through again. Some relationships can expose patterns for certain people who are easily sucked into unhealthy relationships, and have a difficult time getting the courage and confidence to crawl back out. If it was a long and painful road to recovery, you may be able to forgive them, but not be willing to put yourself in the position of experiencing that pain all over again.
Be cautious before entering into any previously failed relationship. It could open a floodgate of previous emotions, that will sweep you away, right back to where you started. Don’t let a smooth partner seduce their way back into your life, without some logical reasoning on your own part!