Tracy from South Africa asks:
I often read your columns and find your advice and honesty most rewarding. I recently broke off a relationship with a Taurean, because I felt like he was somewhat ashamed of me (I am a Scorpio). For example, when we are out watching a game, there is no physical contact what-so-ever. That was the deal. He didn’t want people to know, because his ex likes to make issues about everything. He did say he can’t offer more than that, but I don’t think I am prepared to go on like this. And, yes, I love him very much, but I can’t be something I’m not. I mean, I have to switch off my affection towards him in company. Like I said, I knew upfront what I was getting into, so I can’t really blame him. Sadder still is that we have a great connection, emotionally, soul, mentally and physically, but sometimes things are maybe not meant to be. How can I move on and start to heal, or is there any hope of fixing this relationship?
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
I really wish that what I want to tell you and what I have to tell you were closer to being on the same page. Unfortunately, the best I can do is express my heartfelt apologies, and warn you to brace yourself for what you are about to read…
You have a sweetness and a purity about you that anyone with any level of intuition whatsoever can pick up on inside of five minutes. Your Taurus has more than a glimmer of intuition, and his IQ is also a couple of points higher than the norm, as well. When you combine his intuition, IQ, and personality—what you end up with is one heck of a player.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that he is this horrible person, with a different girl at every crossroads he passes, because that’s not him or his style. He’s this weird dichotomy of typical Taurean down-to-earthiness and honesty mixed with a love for what is basically psychological and emotional strategy and warfare. You fell for him. Most would have. Heck, most do.
The thing about this man that makes him so “real,” so tangible, is that he actually doesn’t lie. He has a gifted ability to swirl truth and manipulation into a very concise line of believability. He wanted you to fall for him. He wanted you to help him, to be open with him, to take things to a deeper level. For you, it’s this very real connection. For him, it’s an exercise of his talents and abilities. I know that sounds horrible. Ruthless, even. But, he’s an “unintentional” a-hole, because he holds no malice; he has no desire to cause you heartache or pain, just a complete lack of comprehension or consideration for your feelings and reactions to his actions.
He was never ashamed of you. He actually wouldn’t be seen with anyone that caused him shame or second thoughts. His reluctance of openness or public affection was strategic—he was never actually your boyfriend. While there were plans made and dreams discussed, there were never any promises from him. Not because he didn’t care, or because of any lack of attraction, but simply because his intentions were never long-term. He would give you just enough; just enough to keep you trying to move things forward. Anytime you would question him or the relationship, he would shut down and back away, leaving you with some head-spinning explanation that somehow made you think you pushed, or disrespected his boundaries. There have been lots of signs and warnings throughout this relationship, but someone like you—who loves deeply and truly—is more likely than not to dismiss them or explain them away. It’s part of why he chose you.
Tracy, you really only have one course of action: Let Go. You’ll never have the kind of relationship you want with this man. You don’t even have the type of relationship with him that he led you to believe you had. His choices and issues run too deep for you to fix. Let go, and do what you can to work through the betrayal and pain. He doesn’t deserve you now, and when you’re able to look back with clarity—you’ll understand that he never did.
I’m so sorry.
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