Why Overly-Successful Women Are Single

January 12, 2012 at 12:00 am

Do You Need to Be Single to Be a Success?

Can the success of a woman hold her back from relationships? Is she doomed to be single? “I think, therefore I’m single.” This one-liner by Lizz Winstead exemplifies what many confident and successful women believe; the more abilities they have, the more likely they’ll remain unhitched. Let’s take a look at how a woman’s success may lead to a life of singledom.

Dismissing His Needs

Forging ahead on a date or in a relationship based on your needs or ideals is certain to harm your chances of a lasting happy connection. All too often, strong, confident women do this without realizing it.

Regardless of the strides women have made achieving equality with their male partners, men still need to feel masculine and needed. For example, if you are significantly more successful or earn more money than your guy, he may feel slightly emasculated given the male’s primal need to feel like the provider and the protector. This is not to say you can’t move past this, but are you sufficiently sensitive to the problem? To feel financially superfluous is emasculating and can put pressure on the relationship.

In contrast to a male’s “he-man” nature, many men have a curious desire to feel “taken care of” (the old every-girlfriend-becomes-his-mother), and if you are a strong career women with no time to cater to these needs, he will feel slighted.

High Expectations

Very accomplished women often have high expectations, some of which are not wholly realistic. If your acceptable dating pool is tiny, you may want to consider a more open-minded approach to mate selection. Career and financial success do not make the man so if that’s the basis of your search, it could be a long wait.

The Flip-Side

It is well to remember that every positive trait you possess becomes a liability when carried to an extreme. An assertive, career-minded woman can morph into an overbearing workaholic; an analytical mind can be seen as difficult, and a bright person might seem opinionated. Determining how your “wired for success” personality is perceived spells the difference between dating delights or disasters. Take the time to be honest with yourself to understand better exactly what you are projecting.

From Zero to Sixty

Strong women who know what they want can come across as overly aggressive, so a good mantra is “easy does it.” It is easy to overwhelm a date with attention and affection in an effort to receive the same in return, especially if this is how you approach your career and job everyday. Allowing the date or relationship to unfold naturally versus attempting to control its every move is the only way to go.

“Whether you want a job, a house, a friend, a mate, lead with your strengths.” – Reed ext. 5105

The Independence Conundrum

A high degree of self-reliance, control, and independence is a requisite of success today. This trait of strong independence becomes a way of living, which is difficult to change. Trusting and relying on someone when it’s just been you for so long takes effort. Turning off, or dialing down, the “hard-driving,” opinionated and meticulous traits that boosted your career may reduce your need for control in the relationship. After all, these are not considered ideal feminine traits, perhaps making you appear “too difficult” to make the cut when you’re in the market for a mate.

“To attain the love you want, be prepared to be, or work to become, the type of person you want to attract!” – Yemaya ext. 5143

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38 Responses to “Why Overly-Successful Women Are Single”

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  1. Alison September 8, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    I think the world really needs to wake up lately! I am an extremely sucessful career woman who is shocked by the number of match making advises out there and articles written about the professional women by not so professional women themselves trying to analyze why they are single. Most of them are simply single BY CHOICE ! Men they meet do not measure up at all in any shape or form.
    Yes, I agree that the traits that made these rather special group of women sucessful are the same that may incapacitate them in intimate relationships. However, why any of these women want to downplay who they are or even worse to carry a burden to be with a looser man?!?! They are looking for somebody who is stronger than they are which perhaps is a rather small pool but is indeed the most suitable pool of men for them! Why on earth any of these women would even want to consider an inferior match with a fragile ego they would have to boost every day?!?! If a men is lloking for a mother in the relationship please ladies RUN AWAY as fast as you can! If they don’t feel comfortable with your level of education or sucess — get rid of him without wasting your time or just have fun with him as a short term fling without considering him seriously. Professional women are a breed on their own and please stop giving us some less than adequate advises on how to get a LOOSER male! Let a man be a man? What type of craziness is that?! They can go out there themselves and make something out of their lives without us making them feel like a man — instead they SHOULD become MEN these top tier women want to be with! I am not talking about how much money they should make — it’s not often about the salary it’s about many other traits that are often than not missing in most of the guys !
    On a side note — I am in a wonderful relationship with an extremely sucessful hedge fund manager who is 3 years younger than myself and I myself is a very sucessful surgeon who owns multiple practices and we have a son together.

    PLESE do not listen to these articles and DO not settle with the losers out there! Life is too short to pretend for some inferior insecure men just so you can mate and please him! It’s your life — live it!!!


  2. Eirren Remis January 23, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    Being a single lady is a choice every women has. In some cultures women are forced into marriage and they don’t have a choice. Now we live in a different era and in a civilised world. If a woman wants to remain single because she feels she doesn’t need a man, Let her be.. If a woman wants to date or get married and start a family , and be committed as a wife to start a 20 yr project of raising another life , thank God, for this is the most important thing that God says which should be done to fill the earth. So Ladies choose what’s best . Don’t let any one water you down with what they say.


  3. Pearl January 18, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    To be being single is a destiny not a choice…cuz i really believe that no one wants to be alone in their life…sometimes or most of the time frustration make someone to focus to one thing so that they can move on…not knowing that he/she will achieve or accomplish the unplanned success in their life…


  4. Pearl January 18, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    To be being single is a destiny not a choice…cuz i really believe that no one wants to be alone in their life…sometimes or most of the time frustration make someone to focus to one thing so that they can move on…not knowing that he/she will achieve or accomplish the unplanned success in his life…


  5. Yosha Ellis January 18, 2012 at 1:44 am

    “Nought loves another as itself,
    Nor venerates another so,
    Nor is it possible to thought
    A greater than itself to know.
    “And, father, how can I love you
    Or any of my brothers more?
    I love you like the little bird
    That picks up crumbs around the door.”
    -William Blake


  6. shaveta January 16, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    This article explains a very practical everyday situation.
    Most men have an ego and always want to be the head bread earner of the home. And by chance if the woman is earning more than him or is more successful, it burns them to hell.
    I would prefer to stay single rather than be in an uncooperative relationship.


  7. Carrie January 15, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    It’s a little unbalanced to advise ‘successful’ women to yield. First of all the term ‘success’ is nebulous and is a trait that is shaped by the artificial environment most of the planet is influenced by. There is a passion in all people to be a co-creator and use their gifts to realize their creations. In our quiet places, as we search for ways to make room for our authentic selves to guide our decisions, artificial rules of gender, creativity, and relationships become nooses around our necks in our drive to connect with our true divinity. Why are we encouraging women to ‘baby’ men (even if only a little) instead of encouraging them to become steadfast in a consciousness that moves us all closer to expressing our authentic selves. Babying a man, or objectifying a woman does nothing to help us connect to our divinity. We all just cling to this superficial nonsense because it temporarily pacifies the unbearable pain that being inauthentic inevitably brings. Until we can trust that the social construct will afford us the support to be our authentic selves, we’ll have to continue to busily attempt to take measures to reduce the discomfort of toning down our divinity or we’ll have to be trail blazers and be willing to endure aloneness so that we don’t compromise our purpose.


  8. Cheryl January 14, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    I can’t wait to see the day when we see the Article “why overly successful men are single.” Maybe women like it like that, being single and dating instead of getting married. Or just being single.


  9. Sibila January 14, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    Thank you Felicia, I agree mostly with your comment. I’d like to add that I am a very happy mom because I chose this to be my priority and don’t feel the need to manipulate anyone into thinking they are happy. People should become happy from the inside out and not the other way around.
    Feminism (I have 2 MAs and insider knowledge but even without, same thing) has long confused itself with feminity to such a degree that it declared women’s true feminity trait as non-existent and a fabrication of the ideal seeking male mind. Wrong!
    We are feminine, divine, beautiful, nurturing, creative, inspired and all other wonderful traits that you may want to add if you’ve discovered them. What the so-called successful and strong women nowadays do is confuse force and power. Femininity, sacred motherhood, etc. is a wonderful power that needs no disguise. Enjoy your journey discovering for yourselves, sisters! With love to all


  10. puddle January 14, 2012 at 3:59 am

    Career women usually are independent in reality, but speaking the way they would become as a single for life is certainly a big difference. We women are born to love and be loved / a woman of dignity , compassion, perseverance , whether you earn more as compare to a man it doesn’t matter, as long as you are healthy in general life is beautiful indeed so, why not take life easy career women be humble don’t be amazed it’s not a competition, it is how you two get along together and form a harmonious relationship. It’s not all about who earn more, your career , your personality and how great thinker you are . In every type of relationship whether you are married or single / life has no guarantee at all , however understanding , love and respect should be present at all time to build a strong willed foundation and chemistry is the best element.. In addition I would suggest all single women don’t stay alone for life as well as men ! don’t make it happen …It’s not a destiny . it is how you assist your life to be , bottom line God created men and women as partner in crime…So it is what it is . Goodluck !.God bless you all


  11. glenda January 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Boy, am I so busted in this article! The more powerful I get, the more difficult I think I might actually be becoming. The problem is finding a balance–not going ‘into orbit’ around a relationship so the man can feel ‘powerful’. Tricky balance! :/


  12. Jenneh January 13, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Very interesting article


  13. Felicia January 13, 2012 at 6:53 am

    Let me boil this down, be who you are as a female, not as a man with boobs. I am not a business success, but I am very strong minded, independent, and a thinker, but I’m a house wife, so this goes into the home. I am HAPPY in my house BTW. I have noticed that I need to be less authoritative with my husband. I try to go ‘off duty’ when he comes home, so he can be the man of the house for awhile.

    Women do have all the power in a relationship, the trick is to make him think he has it, because it makes him happy. I am happy making him feel good. My husband is a wonderful provider and I tell him so all the time. I tell him he is a good husband all the time too.

    Women who grew up on feminism don’t want to hear all of this, but the truth is, some traits are masculine and some feminine. Develop the more feminine ones and tone down the manly woman thing. You can still think and be opinionated, just be more diplomatic. It’s never what you say that’s the problem, it’s how you say it!


  14. jen January 12, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    Thx so much for this interesting topic.It tickled my imagination.


  15. Margie Aves January 12, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    I am 26 years old and single.Many friends asked me why I’m still single.Well, I just answered them that, Being single isn’t about having no choice.It’s a result of making intelligent choices.Because intelligent people decide based just in emotion.


  16. Arnee January 12, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    What a ridiculous article! Did I not get the memo that we have all morphed back to the 1950s? I agree with Saeyruh–how about just concentrating more on being our authentic selves and less on playing games to “catch” a man?


  17. Galina January 12, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Men who feel intimidated in the presence of an intelligent, financially independent, successful woman perhaps need to work on their self-esteem. A man who is comfortable in his own skin will support a woman’s growth. And a truly successful woman will exude quiet confidence. She does not need to prove herself. Such a woman will be looking for a partner who is loving and supportive, and will feel and behave as an equal in her company, allowing her to be herself. Of course, like attracts like in most cases. Strong women love and often need strong men – excluding those women who are seeking domination. There are plenty of men who love to be dominated in a relationship though.

    In most cases being more successful does not mean that a woman should and will wear trousers in a relationship. A true woman will be supportive of her man and will do everything to let him be a man, and feel worthy of her – like he would be supportive of her and help her grow. A truly loving relationship is based on sexual chemistry, respect and equality, and not competiton.


  18. carmy ramos January 12, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    I stongly believe that being”SINGLE” is a personal choice not a destiny.
    And we are already in the MODERN ERA,where women work not only to help their mates but also for their growth and development in all aspects of life.
    It’s a negative attitude if men will think that a career woman is a threat for their masculinity,likewise with women……
    If you enter in a relationship,it doesn’t matter who is more successful or not..it’s the love,trust and understanding with one another that matter most..


  19. Fabulousness January 12, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    I find this article to be degrading to men. It makes them seem like they don’t want self aware women. It has been my experience that many men are unwilling to live life the it’s fullest! They are content sitting at home watching TV or playing video games instead of exploring the wide open world! As a women I am well aware that my success can overwhelm men so I make it a point to emphasize the greatness that have had or will be attepmting in their life. Let’s all give each other a break and love one another for who we are right now.


  20. CareerWoman January 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    I am a daughter, sister, f— buddy and physician and I take offense to this on multiple levels…..

    1. I am a successful, ambitious professional woman in my mid thirties. I am single at this time; which does not mean I have not been a part of wonderful, fulfilling relationships. To put successful women under the microscope and fault them for not being able to “keep” a man is archaic. From my understanding, forging and nurturing any relationship, requires two willing, comitted adults.

    2. This article infantilzes men! They do NOT need or want to be mothered all their lives.

    3. This article also makes the assumption that stay at home mothers have all the time in the world to “cater” to their man. Are all home makers unambitious, passive women? I think not!! Raising one child is a full time job. Raising 2…2 full time jobs!!

    I feel a great sense of power as a woman when I can make my voice heard and my opinions count at work, and then come home to cook dinner and take chicken soup to a sick friend.

    Shame on you Ms. Mikos, for suggesting that women assume different personalities for their work and private lives. It is this mind set that keeps women second guessing themselves, and blaming themselves for being single.

  21. Gina Rose ext.9500
    Gina Rose ext.9500 January 12, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Good One, Virgo 2757 !!! I liked that !


  22. Frances Faye Adams January 12, 2012 at 11:53 am

    I don’t like men who are too pushy or opinionated. In other words, it is not only unattractive in a woman who is too opinionated or pushy, it is just as unattractive in a man.
    I agree with the old adage, “To thine own self be true”. In other words, a woman should not have to turn herself inside out to get or please a man, especially if it is against her basic nature or her belief system. It is unfair to her and to the man to pretend to be something she is not.
    Being kind and fair is the obligation of both sexes, not just the woman’s.


  23. Denee Diamonds January 12, 2012 at 10:28 am

    “I think, thererfore Im single” is a stupid belief. It says “I know the menality of every man and I dont stand a chance of marriage or long term relationship if I have anything going for me at all outside of the bedroom; when in fact they have said something very prejudicial and wrong about men in general.

    As a psychology major and having raised three sons and grand sons, I can tell you…ALL of them have WANTED and married a thinker. They wanted and want a women of success, talent, ability, independence and above all a thinker.

    It sounds to me like those who do think this way, are insecure in themselves and just need to read up and find out how to be feminine and still powerful, as this artical points out.

    It takes practice to be a real confident woman. Relationships take work, yet its not impossible for these very successful, capable ladies to become nonthreatening to a man.

    They have probably been taught that the man holds all the power in the relationship and they arent willing to relinquish theirs, but they dont have to. In truth, they have all the power in the relationship, as the woman, they just need to learn how to use it.

    Rori Ray is one great lady online who teaches young women confidence and how to do relationships with men successfully. This would be excellent for any woman that thinks that by using her brain she sacrifices marriage or a relationship with a man.


  24. mike gentry January 12, 2012 at 9:59 am

    on the subject of success women , i luv independent and driven girls….. to me, it doesn’t matter if they earn more at all. but with my wife she is not very driven and reluctant to accept any promotions has managed to get to a place where she is making more than i at this time… now i don’t care other than now she thinks she gets to make all the financial decisions… i am independent and driven on the other hand and started my job the same year did 28yrs ago … difference is i went from knowing nothing about the business to running in 10 years. i have started 2 other very small business’s since then ….. also into the mix she had extreme health issues for 5 years that reeked havoc on my ability to handle stress with having 2 new business’s just firing up good and my son in a demanding ball schedule and my wife then chances of dying were much greater than living…. i never regained my ability to handle stress due to some type of post traumatic syndrome or chronic fatigue syndrome . i still know what to do and how to handle various situations as always, just if i get into a debate or confrontation or overloaded with work, i shut down and cant think or function too well.. my wife has some mind impairments from her surgeries and medicines before but is getting better.. now that its slow for me in both business’s, i am in conservative mode and . also not feeling i can take on more clients do to demands they would require so i am working with the ones i have that know me and will work with me when i get over loaded. my wife now doesnt like the conservative way anymore since she is making more now than she ever did. i find my self fighting her every week on something she thinks we need like new furniture,new car, new paint , new headboard ect. its very stressful to debate her on these but i really feel because she works with independent and driven women she hears then talk of things they just bought and such. in return she whines about how i wont let her buy stuff so they tell her to just do it whether i like it or not…. so needless to say i am kinda in a loosing battle and yes, in this situation i dont like the situation of her for once finally making more money than me. and she is getting quiet cocky !
    ps whos the girl in the photo about single to be a success ?


  25. virgo2757 January 12, 2012 at 9:54 am

    “Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.”–Gloria Steinem


  26. jasper January 12, 2012 at 8:39 am

    so u say ur single?


  27. irene January 12, 2012 at 7:36 am

    What I would like to suguest is that there isn’t always a far judgement in place. Meaning in that while a srong level headed woman is making a commitment at lot of things can go unsaid. It’s not making ” Her ” to fault when things go disaray. The level of commitment takes time.
    Up untill things are open in any relationship and equallually decided on it’s only then you begin to trust that level of commitment. In the beginning of a relationship your bound to have something of yours not exactually trusted.It’s a back and forth issue. Hopefully your trying to have something meaningful and building something lasting.We can never be in one place twenty-four seven exspecting our selves to be doing right by the people we choose as a partner all the time. So at some point we usually ask is this worth the effort applyed.It’s a journey and we can’nt aford to take things serriousually. As it’s not all know what is right from either ourselves and for the people we are or happen to be with..I valued all of what was mentioned in this artical.Sometimes I think whatever mistakes are made.People tend to foreget, there is a applyed changes going on.Which in it’s self is difficault.Because when having maybe lived with whatever commitment from ” before ” then when moving into what might seems different our expectation changes..Suguesting our emoitions pleage us to the point whereby beleaving in change isn’t straight forward and while we are working out this ineviable apperence like thing we can question our own behavour.Regersting a connection isn’t as easy as people think.Rather just comming up with our own devises,communication would play a important roll.Putting the strenght into any relationship is and should be a give and take comodity whereby people should feel equal but reconized as individuals.So thanks for having placed the defentition together in the way you have OR what was because I could believe in my strenghts and my faults.


  28. Esthi Girl January 12, 2012 at 7:13 am

    Thank you Alina…. Finally someone talks about women who are successful or are independent women. I’ve been married before for 7 yrs and also in long relationship in which I have a wonderful son. I have noticed how so many men say they want an independent women but when it comes down to it they don’t. They end of with the women like you said would take care of them or they want an established women but not more successful then them and they also want u to be a whore in bed. I have met many men that say they love independent women but in reality they don’t, they just don’t want a needy women. So thank you for writing ur article. It would be nice to read more on how a women should be able to shut off our “go getting opinionated” attitude for work and into a selfless person who isn’t so opinionated or as independent to find and keep a relationship with a man. I know men want a perfect package but need to realize that when they want independent women what characteristics come with that and accept that.

  29. Gina Rose ext.9500
    Gina Rose ext.9500 January 12, 2012 at 6:36 am

    Hi,

    There is some truth to this…..

    in fact, I’ve never met a guy who isn’t somewhat spiteful about my earnings…..so I just stopped dating men who earn less than I earn.


  30. saeyruh January 12, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Seriously. You go through the entire article telling women to dial it down, not to be their authentic self and the last comment is “To attain the love you want, be prepared to be, or work to become, the type of person you want to attract!” – Yemaya ext. 5143″

    So, if you’re looking for a man who is smart, funny, self sufficient – a partner in the true sense of the word, be that way (but don’t be that way)?
    How about just being that authentic self, and not worrying about the rest?


  31. irene January 12, 2012 at 6:32 am

    Having worked out and curved my apitite for my independence dosen’t just stops because you’ve willed it death. In this effert I’m still in the need to conect.


  32. Tracy January 12, 2012 at 6:07 am

    The women I know who are single prefer it that way. I think this article relies too much on negative sterotypes. It’s the “every woman must have a man” philosophy and has that tinge of punishment for being too independent. As for being too opinionated or pushy, I see that much more in married women.


  33. BARBRA January 12, 2012 at 5:27 am

    overly successful women want to be independent always. They dont want problems from the relationships which will give them stress. So by being independent you can do what you want at your own time and no one will stop you or will come and interact


  34. BARBRA January 12, 2012 at 5:23 am

    I REALLY NEED TO KNOW WHO MY REALLY LOVE IS?


  35. mengistu hagos January 12, 2012 at 2:38 am

    hi sweet
    how ru
    me elso single and i need u
    all ur maind
    i like u
    i belive u


  36. Yosha Ellis January 12, 2012 at 2:22 am

    I WANDERED lonely as a cloud
    That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
    When all at once I saw a crowd,
    A host, of golden daffodils;
    Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
    Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

    Continuous as the stars that shine
    And twinkle on the milky way,
    They stretched in never-ending line
    Along the margin of a bay: 10
    Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
    Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

    The waves beside them danced; but they
    Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
    A poet could not but be gay,
    In such a jocund company:
    I gazed–and gazed–but little thought
    What wealth the show to me had brought:

    For oft, when on my couch I lie
    In vacant or in pensive mood, 20
    They flash upon that inward eye
    Which is the bliss of solitude;
    And then my heart with pleasure fills,
    And dances with the daffodils.
    1804.


  37. Yosha Ellis January 12, 2012 at 2:19 am

    To thine own self be true. -William Shakespeare


  38. Minette January 12, 2012 at 1:26 am

    On that note… perhaps ‘finding’ a mate is not the be all and end all…

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