Can Couples Get Over Infidelity?

September 11, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Is Infidelity the Last Straw?

Infidelity may seem like something you can work through as a couple, but is it really? Or is it the end of the line for the relationship, the point of no return, the compete and utter hopping off point?

“Trust is so important in relationships and it can be a deal breaker when trust has been broken.” – Psychic Deejay ext. 5435

US News reports:

Try screaming into a sink full of water; it absorbs the sound.

That’s an exercise that relationship guru Laura Berman suggests to couples coping with infidelity. The need for, and agony of, such a release reflects both the immense trauma of romantic betrayal and its flip side: the deep capacity of human love.

But given the emotional toll it takes, can anyone truly get past an affair? Can trust ever be restored? Should it be?

For Helen Fisher, a Rutgers University anthropologist who studies the biological underpinnings of love, her male partner’s affair 15 years ago didn’t end their relationship. But it certainly changed it. “You can get over it. You can get over all of the feelings; but in my experience, you never forget it,” she says. “You’ve got to have enough pulling you toward the relationship to want to make this thing work,” she says, “but romantic love is one of the most powerful brain systems on earth.” In fact, it fires up the same neurological response as serious addiction—”a perfectly wonderful addiction when it’s going well, and a perfectly horrible addiction when it’s going poorly.”

Fisher, who has studied 42 societies around the world, theorizes that humans have evolved three distinct drives—for sex, romantic love, and the stability of attachment—all of which can coexist for what anthropologists consider the ultimate human drive: propagating the species at any cost. When it comes to adultery, that cost can run quite high—from excommunication to execution, in some cultures.

What do you think—can couples get over infidelity? Call Psychic Joyce ext. 9598 if you are on the brink of an affair!

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4 Responses to “Can Couples Get Over Infidelity?”

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  1. Tracy November 1, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Infidelity is probably the main reason that couples break up. Let’s think about what usually causes infidelity, lack of intimacy in a relationship, lack of communication and lack of true love. If they cheat on you then they can’t truly love you or they wouldn’t do it. They wouldn’t want to hurt you like that if they really did. When my husband cheated on me, I kicked him out and stayed away from him. We are divorced and I am finally in a great relationship with
    a man who loves me and I trust him. If you can’t trust the one you are with then what is the point of being with them. Life is too short to for that. Thank you for another great article.


  2. Nikke September 12, 2012 at 9:23 am

    So if there are 3 distinct drives, if all you have in a relationship is two out of three does it work or does it require all three to make it work?

  3. Gina Rose ext.9500
    Gina Rose ext.9500 September 12, 2012 at 9:02 am

    I’ve seen couples get over infidelity and move on together, but usually with many hours of counseling, involving both parties .

    I’d say the percentages are around 15% to 20% for those that do get past infidelity and stay together .

    It’s like trying to glue Humpty-Dumpty, after he fell off the wall, back together again…..
    ….it’s extremely difficult.


  4. Marc from the UK September 11, 2012 at 11:19 pm

    I think you can get over it of you want to , that is the key, if you want too! However it is the ultimate test in any relationship, it just means that a boundary has been tested. You will not forget it, but it means the dynamics has been altered from romantic to reality.

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