As 2010 began, I didn’t feel this magical weight lifting off my shoulders. I still felt 2009, 2008, heck a bunch of years still filling me with angst. Where had the time gone? Why did I still feel like I was spinning my wheels and going no where?

Most people were starting the year with such positive energy and resolutions and I found myself sinking into a depression. I decided to call Kyra ext. 5215 because I definitely needed to come out of my dark cave. Within a couple of minutes, I realized what my biggest problem was in my career and my relationship…fear.

I am in a good relationship that started out rocky but has since turned into a solid loving relationship. My problem is I was still holding on to the old hurt and as Kyra said “being fiercely independent with trust issues.” Yep, that’s me. Of course, I want to be in this relationship but maybe because I know how to be alone, I end up hesitating and not fully relaxing into my love life. These insecurities were eating me alive.

We’re all susceptible to insecurity and not only was it affecting my relationship, but my career as well. As Kyra put it, I’m not where I’m meant to be and no matter what I do, I won’t be happy till I take that leap of faith. She wasn’t suggesting I turn to unemployment. Kyra was recommending having the confidence to pursue my dreams and taking all the necessary steps to do so.

I have been taking steps but depression will certainly knock the inspiration and motivation out of anyone. A short talk with Kyra and I felt emboldened to go after my dreams. The thing is, pursuing an artistic career is never easy especially when you’re working other jobs. There is no set path or formula to success. Sort of like a relationship. I mean no two people I know have landed in love the same exact way.

I don’t need to waste more time wondering where the years have gone. I need to focus on the present moment. Kyra confirmed my boyfriend wanted things to work and that if I started more aggressively pursuing my career, the ball would begin to roll. Her words “take a leap of faith” really stuck with me. We can’t worry our way to love or success. We can have faith and do the work it takes for work or love.

Do you find yourself struggling with insecurities? Do you end up self-sabotaging love or career? I feel this is something many people struggle with but don’t really want to admit.