Hayden writes:

How do we practice the art of detachment? How do we let go? What should we tell our mind to do? I want to release a bad relationship and I’m finding it difficult.

Dear Hayden,

Before this freeing art can be practiced, there must be a letting go. Letting go does not mean you forget the person, place, or situation. Instead, it requires you to take an honest look at what you are holding on to.

We are usually surprised to realize that the only things we are holding on to are pain and disappointment … Letting go is simply releasing whatever it may be that is not healthy for you. Try to remember the last time you thought about the situation without feelings of loss. Is holding this memory in the present worth all the sadness it causes you?

As hard as this is to hear … Sometimes we get caught up in staying attached to negative situations because we are afraid if we don’t, nothing will be there to replace it. We feel this was our one chance for happiness, and it is hard to believe that things did not work out. We are afraid that if we let go, we will be alone forever. Think about it — we are already alone! Our mind loves nothing more than to take us off on tangents of non-acceptance — it keeps us locked in the cycle of endless heartache. Sometimes we hold on to the past because we feel if the same thing happens again, we will not be able to bear it. We unconsciously decide that it is easier to hold the pain we already know than to risk having to go through it again.

Read the rest of this entry »