Some of us grow up in families where the loudest one wins. This was definitely the case for me. Germans are loud in nature, and unless you learned how to scream, you wouldn’t get a word in edgewise. Having been raised by a mother who also loved to scream her point across didn’t help either. Even though most would never believe it when they met me, I used to be a quiet, reserved child, but that kind of behavior was trained out of me by the time I reached my teenage years. So why is it bad to yell or raise your voice? Because all you do is getting the other person to be defensive. They are done listening to you and all you say from the “yelling point” forward is no longer going anywhere. So, how can you be heard without raising your voice? Well, here are four ways:

1. Time Out / Cool Off

If at all possible, walk away, take a deep breath and wait a little while before you engage in any further conversation. When we are angry, we are usually not at our best game, because emotions tend to distort our view of what is actually going on, versus what we have imagined in our head. Any extreme emotion will throw us off balance, while cooling down and stepping away from the issue at hand usually allows us to be more objective and detached from the message. Neutral is the way to be! Read the rest of this entry »