Elegance Lessons

June 1, 2010 at 5:00 pm
By tracy lyndon

The pace of modern life is breakneck. And juggling roles of parent, lover, and breadwinner, tend to underscore or marginalize old-fashioned concepts like elegance and etiquette. But do we have to be rude to get things done in today’s world? Would a modern twist on elegance be a welcome antidote?

Elegance, at its very core, is the refusal of all that is unnecessary and vulgar. It implies embracing simplicity, that which is pleasing, and behaving in an effective albeit genteel manner. It’s a state of mind. Some of our most cherished modern goddesses of grace and good manners can offer some simple ways to bring their teachings of style and class into our often messy days.

Think Coco Chanel, Sophia Loren, Audrey Hepburn, Lena Horne, Joan Collins, Cate Blanchett, and Michelle Obama to name just a few. What these women possess is an ease within themselves, and a comfortable yet vibrant sense of style born from a secure knowledge in who they are.

Knowing yourself
Self-knowledge is the core of elegance, carrying important implications spiritually and physically explains fashion writer Diana Vreeland. “The only real elegance is in the mind; if you’ve got that, the rest really comes from it.”

What does this mean in real life? You can begin by appreciating the small, beautiful things — dark, rich coffee in a gleaming white cup, the whimsy of a child’s drawings, a loved one’s laugh. In so doing, you’ll notice life taking on a simple voluptuousness that will translate into feelings of ease and well-being that will in turn make you magnetic and irresistible.

Then, take the time to get to know your figure and skin tone — and dress it accordingly. Wear your clothing, don’t let it wear you. This means truly listening to your own likes and dislikes, feeling and appreciating the clothes you’re buying and making sure that they make you feel vibrant, attractive, and comfortable.

Not about money
“There are people who have money and people who are rich … elegance is refusal,” Coco Chanel once said about the economics of style. She meant that being rich in style is not about having a lot of clothes. It’s about having the clothes that make you feel attractive: a beautiful scarf over a simple blouse, or one striking set of earrings that you can wear over and over as a “trademark”, a well-done haircut, one set of well-made boots you can wear with jeans or skirts.

Class act
And elegance of course, isn’t just about style — it’s about behavior. If there is a single overriding concept at the heart of elegance and etiquette, it’s learning to pay attention to yourself and others. Elegance demands self awareness, introspection, and a healthy desire for self-improvement internally as well. The active realization of “do unto others…” That means giving your bus seat to someone who seems more exhausted than you are, saying please and thank you, and most importantly recognizing fellow human beings as we encounter them, which does wonders in spreading light-hearted Chi exponentially.

According to a BBC story entitled Modern Etiquette, “A smile, a kind word or a good deed costs nothing, but gives you and the recipient a warm feeling in your heart. And a good heart is a healthy happy heart.”

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Reincarnation Explained

May 29, 2010 at 5:00 pm
By sanora bartels

Most people have some cursory idea of reincarnation — if we don’t get things spiritually right in this life, we are brought back to try again in a subsequent life. Depending on how well or badly we behaved in our previous incarnation, we might come back as a lower life form or with fewer amenities. If we’re good, we might return a little richer, with a higher IQ or higher social status.

This is most people’s casual idea of reincarnation. But what if reincarnation is not a small “s” self, individual soul phenomenon? What if it is not a system of checks and balances to punish or reward? Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase becoming ONE with the universe?

If you ascribe to the belief in Advaita, the experiential understanding that all is One — manifest and unmanifest at the same time, then we are each of us, wholly One thing experiencing Self through the illusion of multiple individuals.

If that idea seems too complex to grasp then think of what you feel when you sit in meditation – a connection to the universe, one soul, one Pure Consciousness. This Pure Consciousness could be like the white light that shines through the prism of existence, refracting in all directions creating a rainbow of individual colors. The rainbow is an illusion. Orange is still white. Purple is still white.

Hold on, you may say, there are people who can remember a past life and Clairvoyants who can read your past life. Doesn’t that indicate individual experience? Not necessarily, if there is One single consciousness, then I may well have a memory of living as Napoleon Bonaparte. I am That, he is That. All of this (throughout history) is nothing more or less than That. It would explain why two people can have the same past life memory, and why several people remember being the same famous person. Along that same vein, the Clairvoyant is accessing this consciousness database as well.

Now, am I literally saying that I remember being Napoleon? No, the fact is I have manifested as small “s” self with a specific set of spiritual lessons to experience. But lately, I have realized that I, individual Sanora, am not the center of this existence. I am the conceit, the form, the physical vehicle that moves through lessons about money, knowledge, commitment and communication. The physical vehicle is circumstantial and ephemeral, as is the emotional database, the intellect, the ego – all of these will drop when the body drops. The experiences though will be absorbed and recycled again and again in other vehicles that allow the unmanifest One to manifest as Self.

And yes, we can remember those experiences because we are That. Is there reincarnation? There can be no doubt, but as a system to make you, small “s” self, a better, more pious individual? Not necessarily, think about your own existence in this lifetime. What are your recurring themes? How do they bring you in contact with other individuals? That contact is the point of multiplicity.

Perhaps reincarnation is simply Oneness living as many selves over and over in order experience itself through the eyes of an Other — in order to ultimately experience the greatest unity – love.
If this makes you feel small or unimportant as an individual, you merely need to go back to the immense beginning: I am That. Thou Art That.

We are the One experiencing Self through multiple manifestations and the colors refracted through the prism are infinite – as is the conscious storehouse of memory.

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Why Less Options Make Us Happy

May 5, 2010 at 5:00 pm
By Staff

Apparently freedom of choice can be a stressful privilege according to several recent studies. Does a person’s personality type or self-esteem make a difference in whether or not they welcome many choices? Does the type of choice — life changing versus an evening’s entertainment — make a difference? And does choice-stress vary person to person, or according to the situation? What about people who are developing their intuition, like CaliforniaPsychics.com newsletter and blog readers? What kind of decision-maker are you?

Personality Types
The Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator, a popular test, available in the classic book by Kiersey and Bates, Please Understand Me, offers an excellent way to analyze your particular decision-making style. Taking the test helps you learn whether you’re a “judging” or a “perceiving” type. Ps (perceiving) like to keep their options open; Js (judging) are all about closure. Ps will obviously be more comfortable with having lots of options, but Js will be more skilled in plowing through options to a choice they can live with.

Self Esteem and Self Reliance
Faith in your own judgment is one of the most critical factors in decision comfort when faced with an abundance of choices. If you have learned that you usually make good choices, being faced with a lot of options isn’t so daunting. Even better, if you know from experience that even if you make a “wrong” choice you can recover and thrive, then choices can be intriguing and exciting rather than alarming.

8 Steps for Effective Choosing
If you’re overwhelmed by too many choices, too little information and not enough time, here’s what to do.

1 – Take a deep breath! Not only does that deep breath get you to pause and de-stress, it also oxygenates your brain, which helps you think more clearly.

2 – Ask others to let you decide. Your most satisfying choices are ones which you make. Once you’ve done your inner work, you may want to bounce ideas off friends or experts, but first you need to center yourself and source your own values and desires.

3 – Eliminate the obvious. If you don’t like something, for whatever reason, cut it from the list. Others may see advantages, but if you hate the idea save yourself time and trouble and just cross it off.

4 – List the pros and cons. As you narrow the choices on either side of the pro and con ledger, you’ll begin to understand what else you really need to know in order to facilitate final decisions you can feel good about.

5 – Investigate further. Now that you have a sense of what’s really important to you, some fast, focused research will help you narrow the choices even further.

6 – Consult others. If you’ve done 1 through 5 and still can’t decide, then invite people you trust to offer opinions. Tell them about your process so far, and ask them to stick to your narrowed list of choices rather than opening up the field again, unless they have new information that’s crucial.

7 – Consult oracles. If you’ve gone this far and still have choices remaining, it’s time to break out your Tarot or Runes, to call a psychic or astrologer, or to connect with your Spirit Guides. This last step can alert you to invisible factors operating in each choice, surprises and future developments that you can’t predict with logic and research.

8 – Choose what excites you. It’s almost always possible to go back to what appears to be a sober, wiser choice if your dream doesn’t work out, but once-in-a-lifetime opportunities can be very hard to resurrect. If you’ve done the first 7 steps and you’re down to “smart” choices versus “risky” choices, follow your heart. You can always to back to practical if the big dream doesn’t pan out.

Our day to day lives, with the hustle, stress and challenges, can make it seem easier to follow a pretty narrow path and avoid taking risks. But life’s real magic is most often awakened by taking the road less traveled, especially when it’s a wide open boulevard you’ve chosen with your heart and soul.

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Reiki Symbol Meanings

April 26, 2010 at 5:00 pm
By Phoenix Adoni

In Reiki l, a student is “attuned” for the first time by a Reiki master. Through the course of Level l, students focus on harnessing energy by learning not to “control” it, but to let it flow through them. Some students are encouraged (as I was) to do a thirty day self-healing treatment while keeping a journal to mark any changes or shifts in body, mind, and spiritual consciousness. In Level II, the student is attuned again, and provided with ancient symbols. So what are they? What do they mean and what are they used for?

Cho-Ku-Rei
Cho-Ku-Rei is the first of the three symbols and is translated as “put all the power of the universe here now.” It is used to increase the flow of Reiki through the practitioner, to increase slow or dense energy of specific chakras on the client and to cleanse rooms of heavy, dark or negative energy. It is used at the very beginning of a treatment and at the end, to seal the healing that has occurred. This symbol is also used for “protection” from having your own vital life forcedrained by other people and negativity.

Seihe Ki (say-hay-key)
Seihe Ki is the second symbol which translates to, “the power of the universe and humanity become one.” The origin of this symbol was derived from the Buddha, Amida Nyorai, found in Japanese esoteric Buddhism. The energy of Amida Buddha is love, compassion, and emotional energy which is why the Seihe Ki symbol is used for emotional healing. It is used for alleviating fear, anxiety, depression, anger, sadness and other forms of emotional issues. Seihe Key does help heal these painful emotions but it is very important to state that it also helps if you’re aware of the root issue/cause of emotionaldistress.

Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen (hon-sha-zay-show-nen)
This is the last symbol learned in Level ll, translated as “the Buddha in me reaches out to the Buddha in you.” Its function in Reiki is to do what is called, “distance healing.” With this symbol, the practitioner can send healing energy to someone across town, across the country, and even across the world. This is because everything we see and don’t see ISenergy and energy is not limited to time or space. It can heal the past as well as, sending energy to build a beautiful future.

Do distance healing on yourself, sending energy to every year of your life from gestation to the present moment. I can’t begin tell you how powerful, healing, and liberating this great act of kindness is to me. Long forgotten memories arise and issues are brought into awareness with crystal clarity, then processed and healed. True forgiveness and understanding toward the people who have hurt or wronged us can begin. It’s like washing your soul in the waves of the loving energy of the universe.

A few things to remember on your journey through Reiki:

The symbols learned in Level ll are not to be mistaken as holding the power of Reiki. Think of the symbols more like triggers. It is the universal life force that is the true power. The symbols are different representations and functions of this force. It’s like showing a peace symbol to someone who has never seen one and has no understanding or knowledge of the peace movement or its history. To this person, it’s just a circle with three lines.

But once the person learns and understands more about the peace movement the symbol becomes alive holding its own energy and meaning. Basically, the symbol holds power once it is embraced and understood, but it’s the energy behind the symbol which has the power.

The practitioners themselves do not actually do the healing. It is the Universal Life Force (Reiki)which performs the healing. We as practitioners are merely attuned to the Reiki energy and are conduits (or channels) for this profound honor to assist healing and development of othersIn Love and Light!

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Tomorrow’s Not Guaranteed

April 20, 2010 at 5:00 pm
By Staff

It’s easy to get bogged down in everyday reasons for why we don’t live our dreams. The economy’s a mess, we’re too busy, too many bills, we’ve got no one special — there’s never a shortage of excuses!

But the saddest reason of all, and one that’s all too common, is that people forget to dream beyond the mundane like financial security or home ownership. There’s nothing wrong with being responsible, but if you had only a few more tomorrows left, how would you feel about the way you’re spending your life today? You’d probably change your top priorities pretty quickly, right?

Here’s a step-by-step process to help you make healthy dream choices that will work better with your “real life” goals and responsibilities, including improving relationships, bringing more joy into your life, or even starting your own business.

Step 1: Dream!
Sometimes you have to go all the way back to childhood to rediscover some of your most important dreams, buried under “grown up” goals you adopted with the belief that achieving those goals would help you realize your dream.

And maybe, once you find them, you’ll realize that the old dreams really don’t suit you anymore, and it’s time to dream up some new ones.

But whether you’re rediscovering or creating them, vivid, detailed dreaming is a vital step in infusing your day-to-day existence with freshness, vitality and hope.

Step 2: Start the Energy Moving
Plant seeds — perhaps you want more love in your life; and we’re talking love here, not just romance. You could start by planting the seeds of love yourself and nourishing them. Tell your family and friends that you love them, or if the L-word gives you lockjaw, why not show them. Volunteer for an organization that provides compassionate support for others. Or spend time every week sending healing energy to disaster zones, political hot spots or environmentally threatened areas around the globe.

Another way to start is by taking baby steps. Let’s say you’ve always wanted to travel and experience different cultures and environments, but you never seem to get far enough ahead to do it. Why wait? You can go on weekend driving trips, or relax for a night or weekend in a luxury B & B, or read travel books and magazines. In other words, give yourself something to dream about!

Research and planning will also help make your dreams a reality. Let’s say you’ve already got a good job, but you’ve always really, really wanted to own a small pastry shop so you can spend your life creating mouthwatering sweets. As important as the dream itself, your first step is to learn more about the realities of your dream business, scouting the ideal location, choosing the décor, pricing kitchen equipment, not to mention imagining one-of-a-kind pastries; you might investigate internet sales for pastries and cakes. Dreams are wonderful, but it’s wise to do some planning that’ll prevent turning your fantasy project into a nightmare. It doesn’t cost anything to be well-informed.

Step 3: Find the Time, Money or Opportunity
Once you’ve got your dream scoped out, the next step is to generate the means, just like the old saying, where there’s a will, there’s a way.

If a cruise is your ultimate dream, you can create a budget that allows you to put a specific amount into a special travel budget with every paycheck. Or you could start a side business and earmark the entire profit for your travel budget. You might enlist friends and family to help you brainstorm ways to fund your fantasy trip.

Perhaps you’ve always wanted to act. You’ve pictured yourself on stage, seen the audience applauding wildly. What’s next? Start trying out for community theatre. Get a portfolio together and send it to agents. Why not form your own acting troupe, which is how most of today’s movie stars started out.

Step 4: Flow with the Results
“Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it now,” the German novelist Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said. “Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves, too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.”

In other words, just do it! And when tomorrow comes, you can look back and smile, because you didn’t waste your precious life minutes putting off what brings you joy.

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Peace Begins with You

April 15, 2010 at 5:00 pm
By Justine McKnight

It’s a wonderful notion (and might be a better world) if the majority of mankind put more effort into being peaceful. But a task of this magnitude takes immense resolve, discipline, and inner strength. Each of us have a responsibility to live to the fullest, to develop inner resolve, selflessness, and genuine compassion for others. Though it sounds unattainable and Utopian, there are small ways to get there. Here are some critical ingredients to becoming an inspiring peacemaker …

Inner Peace
Going along with the idea of, “one must love themselves before they can truly love another” … outward peace is a direct result of inner peace. Inner peace is by far the most important factor to our human existence. We can hopefully assume that it is one of humanity’s most common goals — but what does this actually mean? In today’s world things move faster and faster, we get bored quicker, and are constantly looking for the next thrill to provide us with momentary happiness. This is not inner peace. Using materialism in place of connecting with actual consciousness will lead to a vicious cycle of highs and lows. This is due to a dependence on our outer environment … what we should be focusing on, is our inner environment.

Meditation
This is the first step in heading towards our destination of inner peace. A meditative discipline is crucial in cultivating our self-awareness. We need to take time each day to quiet our minds, slow down our intake of information and focus just on being alive. It doesn’t have to be for a long period of time … ten minutes will be sufficient if that’s all you can spare. Through meditation we begin to become mindful of our lives, which enables us to develop a sense of gratitude and/or appreciation. Appreciate your health, your fortunes, and the people around you … even merely interacting with nature. Reflecting on our consciousness puts us in touch with our innate goodness — our “peaceful” state. Accessing this part of our selves will inevitably start being reflected in our lives.

Becoming Mindful
Through our determination of becoming more peaceful on the inside, taking proper action (meditation), will hopefully lead to a heighten sense of mindfulness. Mindfulness is a very important player in peace not only because it improves clarity, but it generates compassion for others. Being able to sincerely appreciate your own life will no doubt prompt you to appreciate the lives of others. All others — even the last guy that cut you off.

Being considerate of others would have to be one of the most overlooked traits in our society. We have to learn to minimize our self-centerness and come to the grand realization that we’re all connected. The interconnectivity of life is one of the most awe-inspiring concepts we have come across. In order to create a society, or even a world of peace — we all must understand that we are interdependent. I depend on you and I know you depend on me.

A Domino Effect
Now is your time to shine! If you have put time and effort into cultivating inner peace, naturally you’ll feel much more relaxed when dealing with situations and individuals. You’ll feel more fluid, as if emotions flow through you effortlessly. If there’s a difficult situation at hand, you’ll be prepared to conquer it with peace, patience, and understanding. This is when our highest potential as human beings reveals itself. Not only will you feel less aggression, anger, and hostility, but it will also become a domino effect. Positivity will flow and ripple out into your peer group, among coworkers, and in your most intimate relationships. As the adage goes, “A change in one individual will change the entire direction of humanity.” Can you imagine if billions of us understood and put this mentality into practice?

How do you strive for inner peace in your daily life? What do you do to create positive effects in the lives of others?

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7 Ways To Market Yourself

April 13, 2010 at 5:00 pm
By Alina Mikos

If we think of the dating field as a vast market from which we, as consumers, get to choose what we want, we need to remember that we too, are commodities, to be packaged and marketed accordingly. If we are seeking a high-end commodity, then we must have something equally appealing with which to barter! Here are a few key pointers to give ourselves an upgrade, rather then putting ourselves on sale.

1. Appearance counts
We’ve all heard that first impressions matter and that is never truer than in the dating game. Since our physical appearance comprises a great deal of that first impression, we want to advertise ourselves in the best possible light … which means careful personal grooming and extra self love. The basics are obvious — looking neat and clean versus dirty wrinkled clothes are not sexy. Beyond that, putting in adequate grooming time — hair, makeup, nails — will enhance that enticing overall appearance that draws the flock to you. Knowing what colors and styles of clothing look best is key, and let us not forget that regular physical exercise and a healthy diet is crucial to looking and feeling your best!

2. Honesty: Still the best policy
When we meet someone we want to impress, it can be tempting to ‘embellish’ facts about ourselves. This only works if you are in the market for a one night stand, since the truth will come out as you get to know each other better. Trust is one of the biggest factors in a successful relationship, and if you start your connection off with lies and gross exaggerations, you might never succeed in creating trust again. Why take that risk over a few tall tales?

3. Get out there
It’s a big world out there, with plenty o’ fish in the sea, as they say. But if we are not willing to do the work to make ourselves available, we will not reap the rewards. Being open and friendly will make us seem more approachable and available. Socializing with friends opens us up to meeting more people, and therefore, more dating opportunities. Getting involved in group organizations and activities — such as biking, hiking, snorkeling — puts us in the pool for meeting others, makes us more interesting as a person, and offers common ground between you and your potential Romeo or Juliet.

4. Listen with an open mind
The key to any good conversationalist is being a good listener — this is true for every relationship, romantic or otherwise. We already know about our own lives, so why not learn about our date sitting across from us. We all have the need to be heard, and understood … all it takes is listening well with an open mind. If your date feels that you are too self- involved to be interested in what he has to say, or are too judgmental in your views of them once they open up, let’s face it, the date is over. The same holds true if the roles are reversed … we don’t need to waste our precious time on critical, egocentric dopes either!

5. Be confident
Confidence is extremely attractive. It says, ‘I’ve got it together’ and it shows self-respect. We must first love and respect ourselves before anyone else can. It is exhausting for one individual to feel like they have to keep complimenting and validating the other person due to their low self-esteem, and is very unappealing to a date! We must come from a place of confidence and security if want to stay a float in the dating market.

6. Know what you’re looking for
Dating takes time and energy, so we should know before hand what we are really looking for in a person. We need to be realistic about what we have to offer, and know what we want. Do we ultimately want commitment and marriage? If so, we need to know what qualities we desire most in a mate, and not waste our time on dates that don’t fit the bill.

7. Upgrade yourself
Being happy with who we are, automatically attracts others to us, but it’s comforting to know that we can always work on ourselves (and change the things we don’t like). Perhaps we’d like to take more classes, to learn new skills or to change jobs. Or maybe we’ve been thinking about that makeover that we never seem to get around to. Whatever it takes to make ourselves more confident and happy inside, will prove quite valuable in the “date mart” … have fun shopping!

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Healing from Emotional Scars

April 12, 2010 at 5:00 pm
By tracy lyndon

In its pure undamaged form, sexuality is one of our most basic expressions of joy, creativity and love. In its sinister form however, sexuality is used in the service of addiction or power. In fact, according to the Centers for Disease Control, one in four women and one in six men will be victims of sexual abuse by the time they are eighteen … so it is no surprise that many of us have a fraught or ambivalent relationship with the subject.

The great news is that as a culture we are coming into a new consciousness about the pervasiveness of trauma and the damage it causes to our need for love and intimacy — our inalienable rights as human beings. With a fearless, but extremely gentle look at how trauma affects us, and considerable help from people who understand what it does to the body, mind, and spirit, healing and true connection with our selves and others is possible.

One of the more destructive aspects of trauma is that it drives us from our bodies, our only true home. In some situations, the pain and injury experienced can be so brutal that the victim is forced into a black out. However in some instances, it is not uncommon to experience pleasure, which then forges an almost indelible connection between sex, domination and pain in the psyche. This can cause just as much devastation to the survivor and how s/he relates to herself and the world.

To make sense of the senseless, we can blame ourselves for the abuse. We may dissociate or “check out” in any situation that reminds us of the trauma. We believe we were too “sexy,” or “enticing,” and come to hate our bodies, making ourselves overweight or under weight, or wear clothes many sizes too large for our frames. Or, we can believe that we are not good for anything but sex, and use our sexuality as a means to get validation or attention, presenting a “hyper-sexualized” image. We can be sexually anorexic or compulsive and swing from one state to the other. In extreme cases of abuse, we can be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, or multiple personality disorder. In all cases, our sexuality is a reaction to the trauma, rather than an expression of our selves or of love.

In essence, unless we work through these traumas, the body and mind reacts to “triggers” as if the trauma is still happening, and we are hideously locked in the past.

If you are trying to believe what your body and emotions are trying to tell you, the book, The Courage to Heal, is an invaluable resource in grounding yourself before you venture out for real human help. RAINN, the Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network has a 24-hour help line as well as listings of local counseling centers. If you have a drug or alcohol addiction that is preventing you from dealing with these issues, Alcoholics Anonymous has chapters in every major city. 12-step programs like Survivors of Incest Anonymous can also be an invaluable tool in taking a spiritual approach to healing and in helping you find local survivors who are also walking your path.

Books like The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide to Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz, and Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines, also offer solutions on how to relearn touch, deal with flashbacks, create physical boundaries, and have your needs met.

In a message of hope to victims everywhere, Staci stated in an interview, “One has to risk being trusting again — not as a good idea, but as a real act of vulnerability. A survivor has to re-learn skills that trauma destroys, like recognizing what they need, allowing a full range of sensations and emotions, boundaries, consent — the ability to say yes, no and maybe — and combining intimacy with sex…I find survivors of sexual trauma, of trauma, really, who are engaged in healing some of the most courageous people I know. “

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