The pace of modern life is breakneck. And juggling roles of parent, lover, and breadwinner, tend to underscore or marginalize old-fashioned concepts like elegance and etiquette. But do we have to be rude to get things done in today’s world? Would a modern twist on elegance be a welcome antidote?
Elegance, at its very core, is the refusal of all that is unnecessary and vulgar. It implies embracing simplicity, that which is pleasing, and behaving in an effective albeit genteel manner. It’s a state of mind. Some of our most cherished modern goddesses of grace and good manners can offer some simple ways to bring their teachings of style and class into our often messy days.
Think Coco Chanel, Sophia Loren, Audrey Hepburn, Lena Horne, Joan Collins, Cate Blanchett, and Michelle Obama to name just a few. What these women possess is an ease within themselves, and a comfortable yet vibrant sense of style born from a secure knowledge in who they are.
Knowing yourself
Self-knowledge is the core of elegance, carrying important implications spiritually and physically explains fashion writer Diana Vreeland. “The only real elegance is in the mind; if you’ve got that, the rest really comes from it.”
What does this mean in real life? You can begin by appreciating the small, beautiful things — dark, rich coffee in a gleaming white cup, the whimsy of a child’s drawings, a loved one’s laugh. In so doing, you’ll notice life taking on a simple voluptuousness that will translate into feelings of ease and well-being that will in turn make you magnetic and irresistible.
Then, take the time to get to know your figure and skin tone — and dress it accordingly. Wear your clothing, don’t let it wear you. This means truly listening to your own likes and dislikes, feeling and appreciating the clothes you’re buying and making sure that they make you feel vibrant, attractive, and comfortable.
Not about money
“There are people who have money and people who are rich … elegance is refusal,” Coco Chanel once said about the economics of style. She meant that being rich in style is not about having a lot of clothes. It’s about having the clothes that make you feel attractive: a beautiful scarf over a simple blouse, or one striking set of earrings that you can wear over and over as a “trademark”, a well-done haircut, one set of well-made boots you can wear with jeans or skirts.
Class act
And elegance of course, isn’t just about style — it’s about behavior. If there is a single overriding concept at the heart of elegance and etiquette, it’s learning to pay attention to yourself and others. Elegance demands self awareness, introspection, and a healthy desire for self-improvement internally as well. The active realization of “do unto others…” That means giving your bus seat to someone who seems more exhausted than you are, saying please and thank you, and most importantly recognizing fellow human beings as we encounter them, which does wonders in spreading light-hearted Chi exponentially.
According to a BBC story entitled Modern Etiquette, “A smile, a kind word or a good deed costs nothing, but gives you and the recipient a warm feeling in your heart. And a good heart is a healthy happy heart.”



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