Ex Lovers in Dreams

April 14, 2010 at 5:02 pm

Dreams about exes mean there are unresolved issues. Why the dreams if you no longer love them? Maybe you’re hoping to get back together with this past lover. Dreams of a former lover or husband are some of the most common dreams we receive from readers. Usually one of two feelings arises from such dreams. Either the dreamer wonders why they’re dreaming of a past relationship when they no longer love that person, or the dreamer is hoping to get back together with their ex. Either way, the dreams usually point to some unresolved feelings connected to the past relationship — or break-up — that can hinder them from moving on to a new relationship. The following dreams illustrate vividly why ex-flames come back to haunt us.

Sandra’s harrowing elevator ride reveals a relationship fear connected to her ex:

I dream that I’m with a married couple I’m not close to. They are urging me to attend a private cocktail event with them. I attend the event reluctantly because it’s on the penthouse of a 300-floor building, and I’m terrified of the elevator ride. Both the elevator ride up to the 300th floor, and the ride back down and after the event, are terrifying. As we leave the building, a group of other guests arrive for another black tie event. My ex is among them. He approaches the couple I’m with to greet them, ignoring me at first. As he’s about to leave, he nods in my direction. To make him feel guilty for ignoring me, I give him a disapproving look that says, “I know you aren’t better than that.” Upon which, he walks towards me, shakes my hand, kisses me on the cheek and asks me how I am.

In the next scene, I’m sitting among a group of women. One is holding a child and telling us how her man — who happens to be my ex — has changed. He is no longer flirting and dating around, but is committed to her. She continues that he is a new man, an honest man, a man ready for a lasting commitment. I look at her with pity, telling her that someone like him will never change. Eventually I lead her and her baby to him, on the stairs of the building (from the beginning of the dream), knowing he’s marrying her because they have a child together. And knowing that is the only reason he is committing to her.

Sandra is exploring her attitudes and concerns about marriage, as symbolized by the married couple who beckon her to the private cocktail event. And . . . what’s the ultimate private cocktail event for many of us? A wedding, of course! Which brings us to the harrowing elevator ride. It symbolizes the emotional ups and downs Sandra experienced with her ex. Three-hundred floors? That’s a steep climb, followed by an equally steep drop. What she’s really terrified of is the emotional turbulence that accompanies a relationship. She might ask herself if this fear is stopping her from opening her heart to a new partner. Get personalized advice from a psychic!

As for the ex’s rudeness, I wonder if he ignored Sandra’s feelings when they were together. The guilt trip might have been her way of making him pay attention to her, or to make him feel bad for his neglect. The woman with the baby is the “what if” scenario that Sandra might have found herself in if she’d stayed with him. Not the kind of forced commitment she’d want, certainly. She needs a man who offers his heart freely without having to be “guilted” into it.

So why is Sandra still dreaming of her ex? She probably needs to forgive him for his behavior toward her, and forgive herself for choosing him as a partner. Then she’ll be free to move on to a healthier relationship.

Sexy dreams about Bethany’s ex are interfering with her current relationship:

I keep having intimate dreams about my ex-boyfriend, who I think I still have strong feelings for. I haven’t had any closure from him since he broke up with me four years ago. I don’t feel any spark between me and my current guy, who I have a child with. Do you think my feelings for my ex are interfering with my current relationship?

In a word, yes. Unless there’s closure with the past, it’s difficult to connect deeply with someone new. The recurring dreams reveal the sexual attraction Bethany still has toward her former flame, which are hindering her current relationship. The dreams also suggest another problem: the lack of sexual connection with her current partner, which may not reach its full potential unless she lets go of her ex. If the chemistry just isn’t happening with her current guy, even through she’s released her ex, at least Bethany will be free from the past to meet someone new, if that’s what she chooses to do.

Sanja has trouble hearing the messages offered in this dream about her ex:

I dream I’m at the restaurant where I work as a waitress. I’m dining with two girlfriends. My ex-lover shows up — in my face — kissing the girl that I think he replaced me with. I don’t know what to do or where to look; I’m extremely uncomfortable. My friends and I leave restaurant and get into a car. I receive two text messages from my ex. I can’t read the second one because I wake up, but the first one says something like . . . Well, I can’t recall exactly, but I do remember feeling excited because he is contacting me; it doesn’t matter what he is saying. I tell the bartender about the text message, and he laughs it off, saying that is how a man tries to put the blame on you. I feel like my ex thinks I’m trying to trap him or something.

Sanja didn’t think what her ex said was important? What is she not paying attention to when it comes to men? In reality, she probably missed a lot of clues about her ex, like how he treats women or whether he was really ready for a commitment. If Sanja looks back on her relationship honestly, she’ll undoubtedly see the truths that were in her face (as she put it), but which she ignored. The bartender offered some wisdom when he told her the meaning of the text messages. He played the role of her inner voice, the intuitive part of her that sees the truth. If Sanja pays closer attention to what her inner voice is telling her, she’ll have an easier time attracting a guy who will treat her well.

It’s all about acknowledging the lesson, letting go and moving on. If you frequently have dreams about ex-flames, perhaps it’s time to do some soul-searching about releasing the resentment, anger, longing or even the love that is keeping you from moving forward.

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7 Ways To Market Yourself

April 13, 2010 at 5:00 pm

If we think of the dating field as a vast market from which we, as consumers, get to choose what we want, we need to remember that we too, are commodities, to be packaged and marketed accordingly. If we are seeking a high-end commodity, then we must have something equally appealing with which to barter! Here are a few key pointers to give ourselves an upgrade, rather then putting ourselves on sale.

1. Appearance counts
We’ve all heard that first impressions matter and that is never truer than in the dating game. Since our physical appearance comprises a great deal of that first impression, we want to advertise ourselves in the best possible light … which means careful personal grooming and extra self love. The basics are obvious — looking neat and clean versus dirty wrinkled clothes are not sexy. Beyond that, putting in adequate grooming time — hair, makeup, nails — will enhance that enticing overall appearance that draws the flock to you. Knowing what colors and styles of clothing look best is key, and let us not forget that regular physical exercise and a healthy diet is crucial to looking and feeling your best!

2. Honesty: Still the best policy
When we meet someone we want to impress, it can be tempting to ‘embellish’ facts about ourselves. This only works if you are in the market for a one night stand, since the truth will come out as you get to know each other better. Trust is one of the biggest factors in a successful relationship, and if you start your connection off with lies and gross exaggerations, you might never succeed in creating trust again. Why take that risk over a few tall tales?

3. Get out there
It’s a big world out there, with plenty o’ fish in the sea, as they say. But if we are not willing to do the work to make ourselves available, we will not reap the rewards. Being open and friendly will make us seem more approachable and available. Socializing with friends opens us up to meeting more people, and therefore, more dating opportunities. Getting involved in group organizations and activities — such as biking, hiking, snorkeling — puts us in the pool for meeting others, makes us more interesting as a person, and offers common ground between you and your potential Romeo or Juliet.

4. Listen with an open mind
The key to any good conversationalist is being a good listener — this is true for every relationship, romantic or otherwise. We already know about our own lives, so why not learn about our date sitting across from us. We all have the need to be heard, and understood … all it takes is listening well with an open mind. If your date feels that you are too self- involved to be interested in what he has to say, or are too judgmental in your views of them once they open up, let’s face it, the date is over. The same holds true if the roles are reversed … we don’t need to waste our precious time on critical, egocentric dopes either!

5. Be confident
Confidence is extremely attractive. It says, ‘I’ve got it together’ and it shows self-respect. We must first love and respect ourselves before anyone else can. It is exhausting for one individual to feel like they have to keep complimenting and validating the other person due to their low self-esteem, and is very unappealing to a date! We must come from a place of confidence and security if want to stay a float in the dating market.

6. Know what you’re looking for
Dating takes time and energy, so we should know before hand what we are really looking for in a person. We need to be realistic about what we have to offer, and know what we want. Do we ultimately want commitment and marriage? If so, we need to know what qualities we desire most in a mate, and not waste our time on dates that don’t fit the bill.

7. Upgrade yourself
Being happy with who we are, automatically attracts others to us, but it’s comforting to know that we can always work on ourselves (and change the things we don’t like). Perhaps we’d like to take more classes, to learn new skills or to change jobs. Or maybe we’ve been thinking about that makeover that we never seem to get around to. Whatever it takes to make ourselves more confident and happy inside, will prove quite valuable in the “date mart” … have fun shopping!

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Healing from Emotional Scars

April 12, 2010 at 5:00 pm

In its pure undamaged form, sexuality is one of our most basic expressions of joy, creativity and love. In its sinister form however, sexuality is used in the service of addiction or power. In fact, according to the Centers for Disease Control, one in four women and one in six men will be victims of sexual abuse by the time they are eighteen … so it is no surprise that many of us have a fraught or ambivalent relationship with the subject.

The great news is that as a culture we are coming into a new consciousness about the pervasiveness of trauma and the damage it causes to our need for love and intimacy — our inalienable rights as human beings. With a fearless, but extremely gentle look at how trauma affects us, and considerable help from people who understand what it does to the body, mind, and spirit, healing and true connection with our selves and others is possible.

One of the more destructive aspects of trauma is that it drives us from our bodies, our only true home. In some situations, the pain and injury experienced can be so brutal that the victim is forced into a black out. However in some instances, it is not uncommon to experience pleasure, which then forges an almost indelible connection between sex, domination and pain in the psyche. This can cause just as much devastation to the survivor and how s/he relates to herself and the world.

To make sense of the senseless, we can blame ourselves for the abuse. We may dissociate or “check out” in any situation that reminds us of the trauma. We believe we were too “sexy,” or “enticing,” and come to hate our bodies, making ourselves overweight or under weight, or wear clothes many sizes too large for our frames. Or, we can believe that we are not good for anything but sex, and use our sexuality as a means to get validation or attention, presenting a “hyper-sexualized” image. We can be sexually anorexic or compulsive and swing from one state to the other. In extreme cases of abuse, we can be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, or multiple personality disorder. In all cases, our sexuality is a reaction to the trauma, rather than an expression of our selves or of love.

In essence, unless we work through these traumas, the body and mind reacts to “triggers” as if the trauma is still happening, and we are hideously locked in the past.

If you are trying to believe what your body and emotions are trying to tell you, the book, The Courage to Heal, is an invaluable resource in grounding yourself before you venture out for real human help. RAINN, the Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network has a 24-hour help line as well as listings of local counseling centers. If you have a drug or alcohol addiction that is preventing you from dealing with these issues, Alcoholics Anonymous has chapters in every major city. 12-step programs like Survivors of Incest Anonymous can also be an invaluable tool in taking a spiritual approach to healing and in helping you find local survivors who are also walking your path.

Books like The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide to Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz, and Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines, also offer solutions on how to relearn touch, deal with flashbacks, create physical boundaries, and have your needs met.

In a message of hope to victims everywhere, Staci stated in an interview, “One has to risk being trusting again — not as a good idea, but as a real act of vulnerability. A survivor has to re-learn skills that trauma destroys, like recognizing what they need, allowing a full range of sensations and emotions, boundaries, consent — the ability to say yes, no and maybe — and combining intimacy with sex…I find survivors of sexual trauma, of trauma, really, who are engaged in healing some of the most courageous people I know. “

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Aries Bad Boys

April 11, 2010 at 5:00 pm

Fierce, fiery and formidable — these men set hearts aflutter. Let’s take a look at three Aries bad boys and see what makes them tick.

Alec Baldwin (April 3, 1958)
30 Rock star Alec Baldwin has been turning heads since the 1980s when he was known for breaking hearts with his baby blues. Now 52, this still-sexy Aries has proven that he can make us laugh as much as he makes us swoon. With his Sun in dynamic Aries, Baldwin’s devilish charm is evident in all he does – from hosting the Oscars to courting Meryl Streep in last year’s hit It’s Complicated. No doubt Baldwin can thank his Libra Moon (and Jupiter, also in the sign of the scales) for some of his charisma. Add to this his Mars and Venus in independent Aquarius (making him an eccentric bad boy in love – and sex – as well) and Neptune in dark, mysterious Scorpio, and his allure becomes clear. Baldwin is the saucy, sexy, go after what he wants guy with a darker, deeper side lurking just beneath the surface.

Robert Downey Jr. (April 4, 1965)
With Mercury, Sun and Venus in fiery Aries, Robert Downey Jr. was born to achieve great things by pushing himself as far as he could go. Of course he also pushed the limits of his body, with a reputation for excess that at one time preceded him! Why so wild? All that Ram energy combined with his attention-loving Leo Rising and indulgent Taurus Moon easily explain his once world-renowned penchant for partying. Likewise, the healthy helping of Virgo he has (with Mars, Uranus and Pluto all passing through the sign of the Virgin at the time of his birth), offers instant insight into the grounding he’s long since found. These days, settled down and sobered up, Downey implores his sharp, pointed wit and impressive physique (products of all that Aries influence), to tackle his starring turn in Iron Man, which has become his signature role.

Russell Crowe (April 7, 1964)
Known as much for throwing telephones as he is for Oscar-winning performances, Ram Russell Crowe has got the bad boy part down. With his Mars, Sun and Jupiter in physically focused Aries, he takes naturally to transformation (which explains how he can play anything from a gladiator to a paunchy, washed up executive). Trouble is, he’s reported to transform from incredibly talented actor to angry and antagonistic as soon as the camera is cut. With his Moon in imaginative, idealistic Aquarius and Mercury in simple-speaking Taurus, it’s possible that Crowe is actually quite rational and compassionate, but too stubborn to explain himself or his actions. Venus in Gemini, on the other hand, suggests that there are simply two sides to the story – and to this Aries bad boy.

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Your Numerology Forecast

April 11, 2010 at 5:00 pm

The incisive intelligence of this 7 Universal Month should help you keep a clear head in spite of the building confusion which precedes the start of Mercury retrograde on Saturday.

Early in the week you may find yourself with your feet on both the breaks and the accelerator, since the week opens with the quieter astrological energies of a “dark” Moon, but Monday’s numerology is all about get-up-and-go. The New Moon in dynamic Aries early on Wednesday revs up the work week, while numerology and astrology combine on Sunday to create a powerful opportunity for deep, spiritual thinking and galactic mind travel.

Monday – The typical tighten-your-seat-belt-and-hit-the-gas energies of this 1 Universal Day are dampened somewhat by the waning lunar influence, which encourages meditation and introspection. To blend these influences, meditate on what you’d like to start when Mercury returns to forward motion on May 11.

Tuesday – The reflective, visionary vibrations of this 11/2 (1+1=2) Universal Day are right at home with the deep quiet of the Dark Moon. If you have clear skies tonight, take advantage of the absence of lunar light to indulge in some stargazing, and let your mind and heart take flight.

Wednesday – The sparkling, gregarious influence of 3 rules today, as we greet the New Moon in Aries. Aries wants to charge forward, but the increasing pressure of the upcoming topsy-turvy Mercury retrograde requires caution and careful planning.

Thursday – Practical, grounded 4 is today’s Universal energy, but with a twist. The date adds up to Karma Number 13/4, which inspires you to build a vehicle for transformation instead of a monument to history.

Friday – Out-of-the-box 5, on this day before Mercury begins its retrograde, will help you laugh off any messes and confusion and find surprising solutions to snafus that would normally leave you (and your coworkers) stumped.

Saturday – Setting the tone for this 6 Universal Day is a lovely connection between Venus (love and beauty) and Jupiter (luck and opportunity). Delight in relationships with family and friends, since you might as well put off anything requiring organization, accuracy and clear communication, as Mercury reverses direction today.

Sunday – The profound insights possible on this 7 Universal Day combine with a deeply spiritual and visionary connection between the Sun and Neptune, creating a doorway in your mind and psyche for futuristic and humanitarian dreams.

The numerology in these weekly forecasts is Universal rather than Personal. It describes trends and energies which affect everyone. To learn how to calculate your Personal year, month and day, scroll to the bottom of this earlier forecast. Universal forecasts are a great help in business and day-to-day planning, while your Personal numerology affects you as an individual. Your best bet is to use both and watch for challenging or favorable connections between the two.

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Psychic Workout: Color Magick

April 9, 2010 at 5:00 pm

Color is a form of energy, and we all radiate color. Have you ever seen an aura photograph, or been fortunate to have one taken of you? All of us have our own unique energy pattern which can be captured by special photography that demonstrates our vibrational patterns. Additionally, we all know what colors we like, and we certainly know what colors we dislike, but are you aware that we have different levels of sensitivity to colors and their energetic influence on us?

The easiest method to develop color awareness and sensitivity is by working with color flash cards as described in the following exercise.

1) Gather nine pieces of colored paper, one for each of the following nine colors: Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Purple, White, and Black.

2) On the back side of each color, list the corresponding attributes:

RED- Physical desire, love, passion, courage, life, birth, victory, will, ego, potential, anger, aggression, lust, courage, strength, fear.

ORANGE – Promotes understanding (good for students), intellect, social contacts, friendships, community, thought, mental analysis, memory, and creativity.

YELLOW – Inspiration, energy, optimism, freedom, creativity, decision making, enhancement of communication skills, confidence, focus, clarity, aids in visualization, and memory.

GREEN – Promotes prosperity, fertility, success, stress reduction, stimulates good luck, money, harmony, and rejuvenation.

BLUE – Emotion, healing, openness, calming, tranquility, peace, loyalty, good will, purifying, hope, sincerity, truth, patience, sleep, and restfulness.

INDIGO – Spiritual color, helpful in devotional and inspirational work, psychic development, deep meditations, karmic, and spiritual undertakings.

PURPLE – Power, control, justice, fairness, legal situations, success, idealism, psychic development, paranormal manifestations, guidance, divination.

WHITE – A balance of all colors. Spiritual enlightenment, angel contact, cleansing, purity, consecration, truth seeking.

BLACK – The void of all colors, it has the ability to absorb. Banishing of evil or negative energy, reversing, separation, releasing, removing confusion, defensive, grounding.

3) Next, go through each color rapidly, as you take a mental note of your reactions to the different colors. Does purple catch your eye? Does red repel you? Is blue soothing, or too cool for your liking?

4) Next, lay the colors out in front of you, and with your eyes closed, put your hand over the surface of a card. Do you sense any vibrations coming from the color? Remember that colors produce different frequencies. Are you sensitive enough to feel the differences between the longer wavelengths produced by red, as compared to the shorter blue frequency?

5) What else do you sense or feel while holding your hand over the color? Do you think you may know what color it is? Do you feel any sensation of tingling, warmth or coolness? Pay attention to any detail, no matter how small, as these impressions will assist you in the application and use of color.

6) With practice, you will develop the ability to identify color by its feel and energetic radiance. Through color, you are developing your sensitivity to vibrational energy and subtle energies surrounding you. Not only can you feel color with your hands, you may develop your abilities to the advanced level of color projection and healing with your hands, or projecting a specific aura by a chosen color.

The next time you hear someone utter the phrase “green with envy,” or “feeling blue,” you will understand the deeper symbolism inherent in colors. The more sensitive you can become to color, the more you will be able to utilize colors to your benefit. You may find yourself decorating rooms with the use of specific colors, dressing to enhance your mood, lighting a living space with a colored light bulb, and incorporating color in prayer and magical rituals with colored candles. What color are you?


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April 9, 2010 at 5:00 pm

Sam from Coquitlam, Canada writes:

I dream that the doorbell rings around breakfast time and a courier comes with a check for me for $1.2 million. He says I won it, and it would have been higher but because of certain shortfalls and expenses it got reduced from $2.4million to this amount. In the dream it wasn’t clear if this was a lottery. I tell my friend who is at the dining table, that this means I can open six meditation centers! I am thrilled because the money means that I can open the meditation centers. So, what’s the significance?

Hello Sam,

You may have an array of flaws and challenges (like the rest of us), but whatever they are, you certainly have enough talent, ambition, and luck left over to be successful.

You indicated you’re an Aries, so I mention ambition because Aries typically has plenty of drive. It’s time to use it! The dream may be implying that you’re waiting for fate to come knocking on your door before you move forward. This may specifically pertain to your spiritual path, as indicated by the meditation centers (unless you’re intending to open the centers as a way to make money).

Also, the dream is likely encouraging you to combine your worldly ambitions with your spirituality, such as using meditation to clarify your direction, and/or doing work that helps others through healing, education or spiritual activities. In any case, it’s time to engage your passion, drive and vision and pursue your aspirations.

Sweet dreams,

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’50s TV: ‘I Love Lucy’

April 9, 2010 at 5:00 pm

Long before Everybody Loves Raymond, The King of Queens or any other recent sitcoms anchored by a seemingly mismatched couple, there was I Love Lucy. Chronicling the wacky misadventures of Lucille Ball and her real-life husband Desi Arnaz, the show was a huge hit when it first aired in the 1950s. Now, sixty years later, it’s still syndicated internationally – in dozens of languages, and recently as 2002, I Love Lucy ranked second on TV Guide’s greatest shows of all time. But while audiences (and TV execs the world over) acknowledge that there was magic in the series, what they may not realize is that it was written in the stars…

The lion and the fish
Born on August 6, 1911, fiery redhead Lucille Ball was a Leo of the highest order. With star power and comic timing to spare she was also a classic beauty. Yet, as Lucy Ricardo on I Love Lucy audiences overlooked Lucy’s impeccable beauty and instead saw a reflection of themselves – albeit a funnier, feistier one. Indeed, it was the very combination of her talents with her down to earth relatability that made Lucy the TV star of a generation. And it all began with an Earth-dominated chart, led by three major Capricorn placements.

Beyond her center-stage Leo Sun, Lucy’s Ascendant, Moon and Uranus were all in the hard-working sign of the goat, making her about as driven and focused as they come. Add her Mars and Saturn in stubborn but charming Taurus, the ruler of all things physical (including comedy!), and her Venus and Mercury in gentle but exacting Virgo and its clear that Lucy had the makings of success. Still, for years she languished in B-movies, unable to cross over into superstardom. It was only by adding her husband – Desi Arnaz whose chart was filled with water — that Lucy became an early force in television.

Born on March 2, 1917, Desi was six years Lucy’s junior and astrologically her polar opposite. With his Sun and Mars in artistic Pisces and his Moon, Saturn and Rising in sensitive Cancer, his drives were primarily emotional and intuitive. But they were spot on, too! It was successful musician Desi who saw a television show in his life with Lucy, and when execs thought their status as a Hollywood couple would make them unrelatable, he suggested that their characters be a struggling band leader and his untalented, but star-struck wife. Likewise, it was Desi, guided by his visionary Aquarian Mercury, who did the deal allowing Desilu (the couple’s company) to own the rights to the series – something that was never before done in television and eventually made them very, very rich.

The rest (including Desi’s famous Piscean drinking and tendency, courtesy of his Aquarian Venus, to run around – the combination of which eventually led to the end of their marriage), as they say, is history.

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