When Friendship Blooms into Romance

September 29, 2006 at 12:00 am

Crossing that line from friendship to romance can be both beautiful and extremely tricky. In social psychology, friendships that merge into love fall under a type of love called Storge. Many people may have a secret crush on their friend but resist pulling a When Harry Met Sally for fear that the relationship will turn sour. What if you happen to lose the friendship altogether? On the other hand, what better basis for love than an intimate friendship? If the union is a solid one, it will hopefully be able to sustain an unsuccessful attempt at adding romance.

Just to be safe, however, here are a couple of things to keep in mind in order to increase the odds:

Maintain Honesty
Just the mere thought of having a romance with your friend has already changed the way you are thinking about him. As friends, you would disclose just about anything to this closest person in your life. How about now? People in the throes of romance can begin to hold secrets and play the game of love. Are you beginning to hold back?

If openness, self-disclosure and candor were the basis of your friendship, why not continue along that path? You shouldn’t use insider knowledge you have about each other to manipulate or take unfair advantage.

“Acknowledge the change in your relationship and express an interest in retaining the friendship. The best lovers are the ones who are also friends,” says Kathryn Alice, relationship expert and author of Love Will Find You.

Assume Nothing
Don’t assume anything! For instance, you are not exclusive until this is discussed. Now that you are lovers, you may have different expectations. Therefore it’s doubly important that you connect openly. People tend to relate more to the fantasy than the reality of their relationship. Discuss your trepidation, as well as your affection. If your feelings are mutual, then you can proceed with the same honesty that you have enjoyed in the past and allow the relationship to blossom. If the feelings are not mutual, you can share your disappointment, and move on with the friendship; the disappointment will fade and you will still have the friendship.

Lip Service To Change
Pay some lip service to the change that has occurred, so that your partner feels honored, adds Alice. “This means going on a few formal dates, giving a romantic gift, dressing up a little more than when you were just friends.” To just continue to hang out in the same unstructured way doesn’t honor what is going on. Romance is special and should be treated that way.

Things to Consider If You Wanna Up The Ante
There is the popular belief that men and women can’t really remain friends to begin with. Critics will argue that men cannot think of a woman without thinking of how she would be in bed, while women cannot relate to a man without trying to seduce him. So if you are interested in becoming FTL (friends turned lovers), here are a some tips:

Next time you are hanging out, incorporate touch into the mix. Offer a back rub or slightly touch his arm. Whisper something into his ear. Also, make sure you are always well-groomed. Add a splash of perfume and dress sensually. “This can help your friend to start thinking of you differently,” adds Alice.

If things don’t naturally evolve from there, bring up the topic of becoming more than just friends and see what your “friend” has to say. If (s)he says (s)he’s not attracted, believe him or her and move on. But if (s)he’s willing to try a romantic relationship, then go for it, using the closeness you two already share as a good start for connecting.

Before you go through all the trouble of trying to win over your friend, keep in mind that if you (the female) is the one making the first move, there’s a strong chance that he’s just not that interested, says Greg Behrendt, one of the authors of the popular book He’s Just Not that Into You. He may want to upgrade the relationship to friends-with-benefits but that doesn’t mean he wants a meaningful romance.

That whole ‘I don’t want to ruin the friendship’ excuse is a racket, says Behrendt. “It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we’re really excited about someone, we can’t stop ourselves — we want more. If we’re friends with someone and attracted to them, we’re going to want to take it further. And please, don’t tell me he’s just “scared.” The only thing he’s scared of … is how not attracted to you he is.”

In the end, just know that you are taking a chance. Do you deny your feelings or do you risk affecting the friendship? No matter your choice, stay in your center and do not give all your power away.

Do you want to know if you and your friend have what it takes to be lovers? Find out! Call 1.800.573.4830 or click here now.
More on: Uncategorized
Share:
comments 5 Comments  

5 Responses to “When Friendship Blooms into Romance”

Leave a Comment

  1. Ayla July 15, 2013 at 12:02 am

    8 years ago I met a wonderful guy, who became my best friend. We didn’t actually meet up with each other (due to him moving to USA – we’re from Denmark) until last summer, but we kept an online relationship. He is one of the few people I’ve felt I could tell everything. Well, we met up last summer after years of not seeing each other and though the thought didn’t cross my mind at the time, being close to him felt easy, safe and incredible right. We didn’t make any thing of it and thought it was because we’re such good friends. A few months back I decided to meet up with him and we had a blast, we talked about how great a friendship we have and that we want it to stay that way, but after a few drinks we ended up kissing. Best feeling ever. We ended up in the same bed – the attraction took over, but only fooled around a bit. I was afraid if it was going to be awkward the next morning and was scared of losing his friendship but we had a nice couplely day. We had a talk about what this meant to us and if we had just started a relationhip. He expressed his fear of losing my friendship as well. We decided to give it a go since it felt so right. It still does and I’m happily in love with my best friend. I know we’re still in honeymoon fase, but we kept the honesty and I have a good feeling about this relationship. It’s right and I’m going to fight for it during the expected hard times – it’s worth it. :D


  2. Joanne December 2, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Have you ever had a big crush on the most handsome man in the world so bad that it hurts and the guy doesn’t even know you exist? Someone introduced us in church Wednesday night. Then another person introduced us again on Sunday morning and he didn’t even remember us being introduced. Dang!


  3. estieeee190 November 30, 2012 at 11:15 am

    I Knew This Guy For 5Years He Was Like My Boy Best Friend New Everything About Me And My Past Relationship , We Are Together Now And The Relationship Is So Deep And Understanding !!!


  4. Snowflower May 9, 2012 at 3:54 am

    Gonzo! Thank you!!! I am in love with a friend and he loves me. We are very close. He has a girlfriend now. Broke my heart but we both admitt we can’t stand lose each other so we keep the emotional bond. Truth be told we have an “emotional affair” with no sex. His girlfriend is sex but little emotion. So yeah guys love deeply and need that bond! it’s not just sex. And you can love and stay friends!


  5. Gonzo September 9, 2011 at 2:28 am

    That whole ‘I don’t want to ruin the friendship’ excuse is a racket, says Behrendt. “It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we’re really excited about someone, we can’t stop ourselves — we want more. If we’re friends with someone and attracted to them, we’re going to want to take it further. And please, don’t tell me he’s just “scared.” The only thing he’s scared of … is how not attracted to you he is.”

    Sometimes if you really care about someone you will risk never becoming intimate because you couldn’t stand living without them. Why can’t women understand that this is a real reason why a guy will not initiate a relationship from a friendship. We can’t all handle being rejected by the person we love. Men don’t walk around all day cold as a rock, we are just as much emotional creatures as women even though most will never admit it.

Leave a Comment or Register