With the abundance of honesty in the media about cheating and affairs, it’s safe to say that a lot of couples deal with this hurtful (and quite damaging) act. Perhaps this has become ingrained in society – like a habit – that needs desperately to be broken to salvage any last hope of a “happily ever after”. Why do so many turn to cheating?
People who habitually cheat, in my experience, tend to have several reasons. The foremost reason being: 1) the need to supplement what they feel is lacking in their primary relationship, and 2) the need to feel the excitement of a new appreciation from another.
Both of these needs are intertwined with the inability or unwillingness to communicate honestly, and a lack of of self-esteem. Rarely, I believe, is cheating in a relationship a one-time offense with the person but a habitual way of dealing with challenges in relationships. This could be a lifelong, adult habit.
I have observed in readings that frequently one party in a relationship will feel that overall the life they have with their partner is rewarding — they own property together, have children, mutual social interests. There’s also an established network of friends, relatives and acquaintances in common, which is gratifying to both parties. However, there is a lack of emotional honesty, which either has never been developed or which has not been nurtured as much as necessary. One or both are unable to express to the other what they feel is a lack in the relationship, a lack which needs to be addressed.
Along with the inability to fully communicate is a lack of self-esteem. One might feel that he is not worthy of his partner’s full appreciation, or anyone else, for that matter. To superficially obtain a feeling of self-worth, he participates in an affair, where he can obtain the new and exciting appreciation from another, without the burdensome details of everyday life interfering.
The lack of an ability to communicate honestly with another in an intimate relationship, and the inability to appreciate oneself and accept appreciation from others — are problems that could be addressed with counseling. Whether cheating occurs during the honeymoon, or after ten years of marriage, or during a long-term committed relationship, I believe this will occur again and again until these issues are resolved.
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Bluexi it sounds like your very young, you are right talking leads to a little more each time you talk or meet up it will go further and a little further and it will come to the point of hurting the person you are with. look at it this way does the guy you are with love’s you? then cheating on him would hurt him, if you want to take a break and live a little then tell him that, you don’t want him to ever tell your child you cheated on him. if you loved him the way he loves you would you want to be cheated on? would you want someone to hurt your child’s heart one day when they grow up by someone cheating on them? your a mother now it’s time you put the child first, and if the problems you are having with the way he acts don’t you think its better to break it off? how do you think he will act if he finds out your cheating? I understand that you want to live a little, date and thats all fine these are thing you should be doing but please talk to your doctor about birth control there is more out their then just the pill, you sure don’t need to be dealing with a bunch of baby daddys and you don’t need to have the one child you have put in to the mix either thats not right to do to a child. put your child first and the safty of that child before you and the party. good luck I hope this helps you.
i em cheating on my boyfriend ,i want to experint new things ….i em not really ccheating but with this other guy i just talk to him but u know after talking something else comes i already have 1 baby that just 2 mnths but he dont understand me i want to have time with me he all the time with me and i git tired i love him but we have alot of problem we just have 1year together and i dont like how he act what should i do
Amber got the email check your and thanks for a great time last night !!!!!!!!!!!!! have a great day
GM JP,
Well, I put on Cher’s Believe Music Video last night at 9pm and danced my A… off complete with cooler in hand! What fun!!! Of course, I had to it in my bedroom as Clay was watching the Stanley Cup playoffs downstairs, but it was still fun..
So far, our 12th anniversary today has been nothing spectacular. Not sure why I thought it would be. We woke up early this morning and he let me, you know…[do something to make him 'happy'], but no affection comparable was returned to me. Then after, having our coffee before he left his home, he briefly acknowledged that today is our anniversary, but that’s it. I got a got and kiss goodbye and he told me loved me and that he would see me tonight. I don’t know if that means he’ll actually take me out for dinner, he made no mention of it, so if I don’t bring it up or make reservations, he most likely won’t.
Clay’s oldest [his daughter] turns 26 in a week and his son, who turns 25 this year [he and his longtime girlfriend have just bought a house together]. They don’t have much to do with dad, his daughter doesn’t even call him on Father’s Day. So, pretty much the only time he’s sees them or talks to them, is when his and my daughter go to fair grounds with rides or on things like Clay’s birthday [when I take him out for dinner and invite them along] or at Xmas when we do dinner. He doesn’t understand why…I told Clay it’s his own fault, a person only gets out of life what they put into it and every relationship [even with your kids] requires effort and if he’s not going to put in the effort, why should they. When the married skank he was cheating on me with came forward told me about their affair, she also told that he had been including his kids in outings with her [after they knew that he and I were a couple]. I told him that even though they didn’t say anything to him, they knew he was cheating on me and even though, they love him because he’s their father, they don’t respect what he did, so that’s probably part of the reason they were spending less time with him or communicating with him less.
I’ve talked to Clay’s exwife about this, her and I have become friends over the years and she’s been very supportive. Clay doesn’t know that she knows about his affairs, but I promised her that I wouldn’t say anything to their kids [as it's not my place to do so].
So, what do you think, should I make reservations somewhere and make Clay take me out for dinner or mention it to him and hope he suggests something or not say or do anything and hope he comes to senses on his own and does something special for me without having to be asked or pushed to do so?
I hope your Sunday is off to a great start! Is your family Memorial Day bbq today or tomorrow? You said your Clay is taking today and tomorrow off work…hopefully he has the common sense to leave his skank at home and not spoil the bbq for you and your family!
The snow here has finally stopped, but now it’s raining again…can’t win for losng! Oh well, we need the moisture and it helps to green things up and make the flowers bloom. There is a bright side to everything, sometimes you just have to look a little harder to find it! LOL..
Talk soon sweetie!
Love Amber
xoxoxoxox
Hi JP,
Sounds like our Clays want to have their cake and eat it too. Unfortunately, everything in life comes at a cost and sometimes, other people, like you and I are paying the price for what they want, have and take.
I went over to the corner liquor store and picked up some coolers [orange flavoured], they taste like creamsicles…YUMMY and I’ve got in my ‘the best of’ Cher dvd of her fav music videos. So, I’m all set for our dance at 9pm. All we need now is a disco light/ball we’d be all set! LOL..
See you soon! Love ya all the way to the moon and back!
Amber
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Hi JP,
I sent you an email to the address you set up, did you receive it Meantime, let me respond to your post above.
It truly like we must have been twins in a former life, as the more I hear about our lives, the more we sound like the same person, living the same life..LOL! I’ll need the help in court, so I hope it all goes smoothly. No, in Canada I can’t charge for being her care taker or charge my brother for it. You can claim that here when you file your taxes though [if you were a caretaker of someone]
What you said about our moms not wanting things to be like this between their kids is true, but wouldnt’ want to see this happening either. That was one of my mom’s greatest fears that my brother and I would become more estranged after her passing [kind of like her one brother and sister mentioned did]. But, as I tried to explain to my mom before she left us, I didn’t do this to my brother’s and my relationship, he did and I’m not trying to hurt him, just defend myself and what’s mine. My brother has been like this since he was a small child and the duo of him and the thing he lives with..it’s like dealing with a living nightmare and he only lives a block away from me, in my old home that he kicked me and me daughter out of, to live there [another long story], so I know where he lives, but he’s never been in my home.
Isn’t that nice of Clay’s sister to come over and take out her dad and let him pick up the tab and then ask for money..I’m just sitting here shaking my head. My Clay has one older brother and sister, both live in Ontario and Clay one generally talks or see them a couple of times of year. He now travels back there across Canada once a year from Alberta to go visit [not just them, but old friends he knew from his growing up years], which is actually just around the corner. I drive him to the airport in just over a week and he’s be gone for one week. Clay’s sister is on hubby #2 and no kids. Clay’s brother is been married twice has two kids and is living with another woman. I haven’t met any of them yet, as I said before, Clay’s really private, it took him a few years before I met his own kids [at their grads] and exwife.
I know what you mean about not wanting to grow old. I don’t know if want to be married again, but there are times I REALLY miss having some adult company [wink, wink] or even just a friend talk to, spend time with and hug, like you. My dad’s on wife #3. He told my mom many years ago that he wouldn’t grow old alone, but he also wouldn’t stay in an unhappy marriage. I have a cousin who lives in Simi Valley, California, who’s been married 4 or 5 times and has 8 or 9 kids [most of them she adopted and most have some sort of special needs, autism, fetal alcohol, etc.], I’m probably closest to her out of all my relatives on both my mom and dad’s sides. And, I have a great, great grandmother on my mom’s mom’s side that was married nine times [you heard right, NINE time], sometimes to the same guys over again! LOL…CAN YOU IMAGINE! My mom and I used to joke that even Elizabeth Taylor hasn’t caught to her yet.
I know what you mean about your girls. LOL..I tell my daughter the same thing, I love you, but there are sometimes, I don’t like you very much! Elementary and junior high were tough my daughter so I’m glad she has a couple of friends in high school.
I love Cher’s song, Believe in life after love, actually on that same album there’s a song called, Strong Enough. Great song!!! I don’t know that song by Kelly Clarkson, but I like a couple of others she does, including, Because of You. I have Cher’s believe song on dvd. I’ll put it on at 9pm [my time, not sure with the time difference], when it will be 9pm there. Are you a hour ahead or behind? I think California from here is a hour or two time difference, so maybe, you’re a hour ahead [us mid west]? Maybe I should have drink in hand be dancing at 8pm, to your 9pm..
Frozen Kula? Never tried it, sounds yummy though! Maybe you and I can sit and have one together someday! I would prefer a cooler or a rum & coke to wine any day. If I have to drink wine though, I prefer Zinfindel. Getting drunk is fun [as long as you don't the room spinning or crawling on your knees to the bathroom or the hangover the next day]…those reminders of younger years make me stay away from drinking too much.
I wish I was there with you too. Sounds like a lovely way to spend a day and finishing it off my laughing, drinking, eating, dancing, sharing smiles, hugs and stories into wee hours watching the stars.
Glad you get to have a family bbq this Memorial Day long weekend. What’s your fav thing on the bbq? Our long weekend was last weekend and our next one will be Canada Day, just a few days before your 4th of July holiday. I’ve actually got some American blood in my background, so I’ll have a drink across the miles with you then too.
See you tonight at 9pm [your 9 or my 9] LOL… I did my minor shop this morning, but stayed indoors for the rest of the day, due to the weather. So, I’m staying warm for now..may venture out to get something better than Clay’s yucky old wine to drink to share with you! Something fun and spirited! Like Us!
Thank you! But, you’ve already helped put a smile on my face again and a warm glow in my heart, just by being there and being a friend! See you soon…! Love Amber xoxoxoxoxo
G.M.Amber you are right god made us twins in all ways LOl. you will do fine in court with your brother, can you charge your brother for care taker of mom? this way he gets less and you get more I know this isn’t what you want to do because fair is fair,and you took care of mom with your heart and not with greed. and it’s not what mom would do but mom sure in the hell wouldn’t want this either in the states we can charge the estate for care taker and being P.O.A. we can get paid for the job that we have done, to be honest I have been thinking of filing care taker fees for clays dad I am the only one who takes care of him all doctors appt. lawyers. cooking cleaning, laundry, it’s so much his dad calls me Rom dad wife who passed away 11 years ago. Clays one sister comes on saturdays to take him out to eat” dad pays” and gets money off him. Clay has 1 older brother and 2 older sisters and I can’t get any help from them I have to tell you he is a mean person and was is crap for a father but I belive we can’t change the passed we can only change what we have today and it is up to you to let the pass be the passed how you treat people today is how you will be treated tommrow, let me tell you Clay and his family IS and WILL grow old alone, they will all live long lonely lifes. I keep reminding Clay of this look at your family mom married twice and alone and her kids including Clay don;t have much to do with her, brother married 3 times and his only kid has nothing or very little to do with him, frist older sister 4-5 times and this marriage isn’t good and only one of her kids are around, 2ed. older sister married 1 time 2 kids and nither one of her is around by the way only his one sister the 4-5 one is married all the rest are growing old alone. in the 40′s and 50′s with no one,
Clay has been the only one who has been married once so far LOL HA! HA! HA ! and both of his parnets are in there 70′s nice long life but with no one to share it with. ?????? I don’t know what God has waiting for me but I pray it’s not growing old alone like that. my girls are every close to me I have told them I love them to death, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them, but I also have the right not to like what they have done I don’t have to like you all the time but I love all the same. J.R. high School I don’t look forward to sunshine during those years. LOL 7,8,9, grd. well I pick a song or 2 Cher do you belive in life after love, or & I’m all ready gone by kelly clarkston and I think I might change the drink tonight, what about frozen kula in a bleander a little ice, ice cream, milk, KULA!!!!!! bleand it and drink . try this one while on vaction walking on the beech, just like you not in too wine, I like some when I was a kid back in my 20′s because that was the thing to drink “lady like” today NO bring me a shot and a ginger ale, LOL HA ha ha drunk no not good silly good because I don’t get that way very much so when I can I will try ha,ha,ha, I wish you were here we could sit out on the back deck watch the kids swimm have a few frozen drinks eat dance put kids to bed eat dance drink a little more then sit in the hot tub laughing all the way . it looks like we both have long weekend this weekend to kick off summer, yep the bbq grills are going and the cars are parking on the street the pools are getting opened, familys are getting ready for the kids getting out of school, email address jp44130@yahoo.com no need for you to set one up I did it for us try to email me when you can lets see if it works. lol by the way Clay took off sunday & monday the holiday he wants to have family bbq, ok fine my kids and suuny and my dad will be here so I can live with that any time I spend with dad and kids is a good time for me, I got you and you got me all is good in the world. take care stay warm see you at 9 tonight love you!!!! may god give you the weekend of your dreams that will put’s a smile on your face and the warmth you have in your heart glow, see you soon love jp xoxoxoxoxox
Hi JP,
Snow here again…I wish I was there with you, but yes, at 9pm, I will take drink hand and have a dance together with you! No peach schnapps here though…so I’ll probably do it with a glass of wine in hand. I’ve never been a huge drinker, but do enjoy have a few drinks on occasion and really getting silly [not stupid, just silly...haha] Tipsy can fun, past that…not so much! LOL…I’m sure most of us have been there at some point in our lives though, at least once! I love peach schnapps..Clay will most likely though bring over his beer to drink and a bottle of red wine for us to share. We’ve been together 12 years [well technically, we met, 12 years ago, the last Saturday in May, so today, but May 30th is the actual date...and even though I told him I've never really liked wine, he's keeps buying it, so to be polite, I force myself to have a glass when I'm with him.
I know what mean about wanting to throw your shoes at that woman at SS. I agree, people who haven't walked a mile in our shoes, shouldn't be so quick to judge or offer what they call...easy answers, to problems that are in no way easy. Things aren't always so black n' white, are they? I remember growing up, watching my parents go through their breakup and my dad's affairs, I swore to my mom, I would never get married and never have children...so much for that! Life is what happens, when you're making other plans!
I'm glad your dad was okay and just had a sprained ankle. Funny, god works in mysterious ways, doesn't he? You prayed for your day to change and it did...! A Leo, huh, Leo's has fiery spirits! You go girl..! LOL.. Yes, I've often been in situations where I later thought about what I should have said or done...shoulda, coulda, woulda...oh well and move on past it, like you did!
We received about 5cm of snow and about the same amount in rain, all the snow melted and we got a brief reprieve yesterday, but it's back again today and supposed to be hanging around tomorrow too. Our spring, summer, falls and winters used to be like what you describe. March, April, May, used to be spring, then by the time you hit June, summer was in full bloom until mid September. Then it was fall until about our Canadian Thanksgiving to Halloween in October. Then November through February was typically winter. Now it seems as though we see spring briefly in April/May, when we're not getting spring snowstorms and then June, July, August is our summer. September and October, sometimes November can be autumn like and then we're back into winter.
But the last 20+ years here in Southern Alberta, it seems like winter takes up more than half the year -- so much for Global Warming, LOL. Seriously, the only month we have not seen snow here is July, and July is one of the worst months for hail, there was one year, we received so much hail, it looked like it had snowed. However, as far as extreme weather, other than droughts, Tornados in the rural areas, seem to be our biggest worry.
Sorry about the misunderstanding re: vets! Too funny! I think that's wonderful you help war vets! I'm not quite as handy as you when it comes to fixing cars...wouldn't even know where to begin. My dad used to change the oil for me in my car to help me save on money.
I think that's fantastic about the nails! LOL...Me too! I never used to grow mine or even try, let alone a get manicure. Didn't bother wearing nail polish either, Clay used to poke fun at me over that..I would say, why bother, it's just going to get chipped off while I do work. I couldn't grow nails, because, like you, they would always break doing manual labour. Not being afraid to roll up my sleeves and do what needs to be done. And growing up, I played a lot of sports, so again, no chance in H... of them growing [they were always breaking]! Part of the reason, I don’t worry about my nails, is it’s frivilous expense, I can’t afford, let alone, findding the time. I tried wearing stick ons..for awhile to appease Clay, but like my real ones…didn’t last very long. As nails and hard work don’t go hand in hand. I heard on a show once, that first wives have house plants, trophy wives have implants! LOL… However, if you ever do want to grow nails, I’ve learned of a product by Sally Hansen, [it's a clear, pink liquid], it strengthens and helps grow nails. Found that is much cheaper than going to a salon! I have a strong work ethic, thanks to my parents and work my p/t, second job, with my daughter’s help, so we can be self-sufficient. [so unlike my brother, his son and lately, my dad]. I think that’s one of the things that Clay still respects about me that I always do what needs to be done, taking on whatever job, to support my family and I’ve never asked him for help financially. However, when I was working three and taking pop cans and such to the bottle depot to put gas in my car, looking back, it still pisses me off to no end, that while he sat there with this cushy job, all his money, his home, his sports cars and motorbikes [he retired last year] and spending lavishly on his affair/s, that he could do that and not lift one finger help me. I told him that after his affair ended with the married skank he was screwing. I probably wouldn’t have accepted his help and have no right to tell him how to spend his money, but that he didn’t even offer…and had no problem watching me struggle [especially this last couple of years of the affair, after my mom passed and my financial situation went from bad to worse], while he easily spent his money on cheating…it’s among many things I don’t even pretend to understand. Anyways, after I told him that, he came over and handed me a cheque for $1000 dollars and told me it was just in case I got into troube. I think that was more of a token gesture than anything else, but I kept it, just in case, as you never know…
Regarding your sister, WOW! You and I are so much alike, it’s scary..are you sure we’re not related! LOL…Your sister sounds like my brother [not in being daddy's little girl], but the rest. I used to ask my parents if either my brother or I were adopted. Because we’re complete opposites [he's greedy, selfish and mean] and I’m not. And now, to make matters worse, he’s living with this vulture who’s hovering trying to suck the last bit of life and money from my family and his son is equally bad, for different, but same reasons. If it’s any consolation, seems like everywhere I go, every family seems to have someone [like your sister, my brother]. My mom came from a big family [seven siblings, brothers and sisters], she was the second oldest. Anyway, her older brother and second youngest sister believed they were entitled and had pretty much cleaned out the money and belongings from their parents, leaving very little for the rest of siblings, including my mom. Her brother had almost drained their father financially and her sister I speak of, the second she found out their dad had passed away, pulled up her truck to his mobile home and took everything she wanted and said everyone could fit over what was left [which wasn't much]. My brother is worse…and like you, both my parents, made me the POA and executor of their wills/estates [which has made my life since my mom's passing a nightmare]. It will be a year, June 4th since she passed away and I see no end in sight to the legal hassles with my brother. [Will explain more later], but when it’s done, I want nothing further to do with him ever again! So, unfortunately, my dad is going to have to find someone else, a lawyer or somebody to be his POA and executor…because his legal problems with my brother and my brother’s son, things are so far beyond a nightmare, it’s not funny! I feel sometimes like this past couple of years has brought to me knees and that I’ve been to hell and back so many times, I have frequent flyers miles!!! Sounds your there too from the sounds of it!
Advice on what to do about your sister. Well, like I said, it’s sounds like your sister and my brother are cut from the same cloth. As are, you and I. And you’re right, I think god gave you this brief reprieve, so help you build up your strength to fight the next battle. Remember, it’s always darkest before the dawn and things feel like they’ve hit rock bottom, the only way to go from there, is up! Kinda of like the Shania Twain song, Up, have you heard it?! I don’t blame you for getting the police involved or for wanting nothing to do with your sister. There is no excuse for that from her and feel so bad for you having to deal with that…when I explain my brother to you in more detail, you’ll how similar our situations are there. I’ve to go to court in the next few months to fight my brother to keep my half of my mom’s estate. Her will stated that my brother and I were to get half of the proceeds from the sale of her home, which isn’t done yet and the rest of her things she split between us and other people she wanted to have things of hers. My brother along with the vulture he lives with have decided that I shouldn’t have any of the money and that he should have everything, so I have to go and fight for my share, proving that as a single mom of a special needs daughter and working two jobs to look after my family and pay my mom’s funeral costs and final expenses, I deserve to receive what my mom wanted me to have in her will. Just as she wanted my brother to have half. You know really PO’s me, my brother and the slithering thing he shares a home with, don’t work. They just sit there, spending a monthly pension [which is more than I net each month working two jobs], suing everyone as they think they’re entitled to it all..not just their own money, but everyone’s elses too. I wish had answers or advice on what to do with the situation surrounding your sister. I’d suggest we both run away and join the circus, but it sounds like we’re already living inside our family circus’s! LOL… They’re aren’t enough adjectives in the english language to describe what I feel towards my brother and witch he lives with. I am horrified with the way they treated my mom the last few years of her life, including on her death bed and since. In fact, I believe that has everything to do with why she’s no longer here. My mom was the strongest person I’ve ever known, but had the softest heart and despite her serious/chronic health problems…the way my brother treated was more than she could take and so she chose to the pull the plug on herself, almost literally.
My daughter is done school within the next couple of weeks and has final exams during that time. She’s barely passing her math and english right now, so I hope she does well on her finals or she’ll be repeating these courses in grade 11. Her finals finish up on June 14, then she goes back for her report card on the 30th and I believe goes back to school in September, just before the Labour Day long weekend. Which means, she’ll be under toe all summer, complaining she’s bored and wanting to do something, thank god for the outdoor pool! If it ever stops snowing that is! LOL…and my vacation, oh god, I so need that! Sounds like you do too..maybe we should go to hot sun beach and leaves our Clays, siblings and all our othe responsibilities, cares and worries behind us and just focus on having fun! I know what you mean about by mid-August, anxious for her to go back to school to have a break [haha], even taking a break from her during the summer, with my once a year vacation with Clay doesn’t feel like enough sometimes and when I get home, it’s like I never left! LOL…
I’m 42…that age concerns me a little, as even though I try to live and keep healthy and slim. Women on my mom’s side of the family, especially over the last couple of generations, don’t seem to have very long lifespans or have serious/chronic illnesses/diseases by my age. Example, by this age, my mom was very overweight, had already had some kidney surgery to remove stones and had suffered her first heart attack. Her second youngest sister [the one spoke of], she had also had a heart attack by that age and my mom’s mom, died at 42 from breast cancer the year before I was born, and all her other siblings died either very young ages for different reasons or by their mid 50s. So, if my dna is takes afte my mom’s side, I’m already passed middle and heading down the other side! LOL.. Unfortunately, the only grandmother I had was dad’s mom and she was just miserable to me and my mom [never around my dad], but when we were alone with her…just awful, thankfully my grandfather, my dad’s dad and my great uncle, made up for it in spades! The things I could tell you about my grandmother from hell and her daughter [my dad's sister] would amaze you! And, my dad’s sister’s oldest daughter is who my son lives with in Manitoba. Very long story and complicated!
So this weekend is Memorial Day? Do people do anything special on that day…barbecues, etc. Victoria Day long weekend, last weekend here is usually considered the ‘first’ long weekend of summer, so a lot of people are either camping or have their barbecues fired up. The snow has kind of put a damper on that though…
Just know, I have your back and support you 100%, all the way…whether it’s regarding your sister, your Clay, etc…your father, your grandbaby or that clueless woman at the SS office! I’m thankful that you were sent to me too and for your friendship! As my mom used to say to me, “Love you all the way to the moon back”! She would always finish it off by calling me the ‘old girl’! LOL…it was just a silly pet name her and I had for each since I was a teenager.
Let me know what song you chose to have our dance to with peach schnapps in hand at 9pm tonight…tee hee! Maybe I’ll put on one my retro music videos like, ‘I will survive’ by Gloria Gaynor or Simply Irresistable by Robert Palmer. Both appropriate for us don’t ya think! LOL…
Lots of love, Amber
xoxoxoxoxoxo
p.s. I just read your last post, sounds good! Just let me know how, when and where…on the email account thing!
Amber want to set up new email accounts give it to each outher here then contact with our normal email and close the new ones out this way we can say every thing any thing with it being bloged let me know
G.M. Amber thank you!!!! you made my day today, Wensday night clay was real mean, so be it, I blew it off and moved on thursday morring I went in to the S.S. office to fill out more paper work, and the lady that was behind the desk said ” with the money he makes and pays the bills and your health issuse I think you can stayed marryed nothing can’t be that bad that you can live with” if ever I wanted to take off my shoes and hand them to her or throw at her was right then and there. and tell her untill she walks in my shoes F… OFF. take off those rose glasses and get a grip, then I throught to myself I bet you’r husband has chearted on you and you don’t even know it. that hit me so hard that I fell on my ass for more then hafe the day, I said a pray asking god to change the day I don’t want to cry any longer I need to move pass this moment I was having. I went outside and sat down and figer I start planting the rest of the flowers. but before I do that I went and picked up the ladys next door and my trash can and put them away, while I was taking my back I see my dad comming down the street on his peddle bike, what are you doing on this bike in 80 degree weather let me get you a cold glass of water, before I moved he said I need you to take me to the ER hospitl What happen as I’m pulling out the cell phone dad has hart issues. and if he is asking to go to the ER. this is not good, he fell off his bike and all bruised and swellen up thats because of his meds. I took him in all he just has a sprain ankle THANK GOD!!!!! LOL but God answered my pray I asked for my day to change and it did LOL when I left the E.R. room shaking my head and laughing and thank God dad was ok and thankful that my day was changed. power of prayer. and today is better, Amber I’m a leo and I know I was up set at what she said and that I didn’t say what was on my mind. but it is in the passed and I can’t do much about that today so I have moved on, so how much snow did you get? did you see any summer we get 3-4 months april -may is spring june-1/2 sept. is summer and if you ask me I think 1/2 sept- end of may is winter LOL I see why you need that vaction in the sun with a warm beech. good luck getting me to go home to snow. sorry for the miss understanding of the vets. I should of said war vets. and like you the stingrays are the coolest. I do know about car and how to work on them but I’m not auto mech. I do snow plow in the winter I can put my plow on and take it off check and fill everything, do oil changes and tires, but I do my damest not too. LOL I’m not scared to break a nail. maybe thats why clay cheated she gets her nails done every week, you know what I mean LOL she does no work that will get her hands dirty, I used to run chain saw,log splitter, cut trees down move wood. worked in dirty factory’s did “man jobs” what ever it took to provide for my family always looked at life this way 1 penny is better then no pennies. and I have the will to make my owen way in life. I’m getting ready for battle again this time with my sister she is 17 months older then me. by the way I’m 47yrs.old soon then later turning 48 LOL in this battle I’m going to be in will envole the police and maybe her going to jail. I’m going to ask my younger brother for help but I don’t think he will MAN UP, and that is laying heavey on my heart and mind, so this is not helping at all but I have to do what has to be done and what ever it takes. a life time before mom died theresa was a bitch, and she was daddy girl so she got away with everthing, she is meaner then mean, ice runs through her vains. spitefull like no one you know, mom only had about 8 hours left of life and she stooled mom’s neckless right off her, YEP!!!! because she wanted them I’m glad you weren’t there if you would of seen that fight, this was not the first and as you read this won’t be the last. I will pray this is but god only knowes. so I have the will for the fight and finding the way to handle it is a slow with out me getting in to trouble keeping it leagle, knowing I’m do it right and walking away and living with myself. for what she has done and doing and her reasons for doing it I don’t feel bad for what has to be done, and if it’s jail so be it.see like you after mom passed I had all the crap to deal with I thank god every day that I had my uncle mom’s brother to help me. my brothers and sisters turned on me and mom had no money to leave them and very little to give so battle is on I don’t have much or anything to do with them dad is all I have and of corse I have P.O.A. of him and family is P.O. there is a reason that both mom and dad trust me with everything and they just don’t get it. it couldn’t be on how they treat mom & dad NO!!!! or how they live there lifes? NO not that either, theresa is so sneakie that we or dad and the family don’t know were she lives. dad only has a cell phone number for her don’t know were she works or lives or who she is married too. she started comming around about 6-8 months ago and dad is missing alot of stuff money rings bank books ects…..
my stuff that I was keeping at dad’s so clay couldn’t get to it and give it away or pawn it. my trailer keys jewlery ect…all missing scince she came back. see what needs to be done. any advice you can give me would love to here it but all I see is filing a police report and going about it that way. if it’s not one thing it is another god only puts on my sholders what I can handel sure can use a break maybe my break is that clays dad is not fighting with me latley maybe god is letting me rest and getting ready for this one LOL I dont know but He gave me you and thats a blessing like no other. thanks amber for being here for me Love you xoxoxoxoxoxxo when does your daughter get out of school for summer break? how long is her vactions for? when are you ready for her to go back LOL I know by the first week in augest I’m ready for sunshine to go back to school. LOL she came home all happy she got to get in the pool water still a little cold but she was so ready for summer, sunshine has 8 day left of school and goes back sometime of the last week of aug. this is a long weekend for us Memorial day holiday Clay has been working 7 days a week I wounder if he is working this weekend? time will tell LOL. but this weekend I think at 9:00 pm Saturdaynight we look at the moon raise our glasses and share a drink with each other and maybe a fast dance. you can stay in the house with all the snow, don’t want you cold just find a window I’ll do a double shot of Peach Schnapps. Thanks Amber for you kind words and new friendship. take care and have a great day love ya oxoxoxoxox JP
JP, I don’t know about how far ahead of the game I am…there’s day I feel I’m so far behind, I must in first LOL… Everyday, my feelings change so rapidly, from one side of the fence to the other on how I feel about my Clay. There’s times I absolutely love to him death and believe there is no obstacle so big, we can’t get through it and then there are other times, I feel like dropping everything, marching right over to his house and having it out with him about the way he’s treating me. Thinking maybe this time he’ll have some big revelation…and then I think, why the hell do I have to try so hard to convince him how special I am and how lucky he is to be loved and that if he doesn’t realize by now, what’s he got, it’s his loss. Here’s an example of how much I waffle [this is why I don't know if I'll ever be strong enough to walk away -- in September of 2008 when I learned of this affair with the married skank, he said it was over with her, then by late November, I had learned he lied again and started things up with her. I thought I finally had the strength to end things, even collected all his things from my house and returned them to him, asking for my house key and a very expensive ring I gave him back, then next day, I changed my mind and told him I wasn't giving him up without a fight to her or any other bimbo...see what I mean.
Feeling better today? Did you get some sleep finally?
Is you Hemi truck an automatic or standard? I've driven a standard [not very good I might add], I inherited that gene from my mom I’m afraid. I’m much better behind the wheel of an automatic! Granted, there are more things to do while driving a stick shift, but I think there are enough things for me to do, like drive defensively and safely from point A to B.
Love ya! I’m here for you…
Ohhhh, JP, I’ve been where you are too, still am. I have days when I just can’t stop the tears from flowing. And our Clays just seem to know that button to push or that carrot to dangle they never let us have, when they think they’ve lost their grasp. They tell us they love us and as angry as we are and know better, we still want and need to hear it and brings us to tears. But let them out, let yourself feel what you need to feel. I used to hold in my feelings, especially around Clay, as I was afraid to let him know how much his behaviour affected me. I’m not afraid anymore, life’s too short and too precious to be afraid, right, no one knows what tomorrow has in store for us! Live life to the fullest while we can. When my time comes, I don’t want there to be words left unspoken…I want people to know, exactly how I felt about them, while I was here. So now, I don’t hold in my feelings, if Clay has upset me, I let him know…I still shed tears when I do it, but, there’s no screaming, on antics, or throwing things. I just kind of state it, matter of factly and what he can do to fix it.
Are you sure you aren’t my twin sister?! LOL… We have such similar lives in so many regards. Including family. I don’t have as many siblings as you, but my family life and love sounds like just as much as a soap opera as mine. My mom’s the one who actually started me on the idea of writing a book/journal about our lives…she said because our lives were so much like a soap opera, I should call the book, ‘As the Stomach Turns’….LOL! And they were married for about the same length of time as yours. I have one older brother [two years older than me] who is causing me and my family a lot of grief, and my mom too, before she passed…long story [will fill you in later] and a younger sister [9 years] from my dad’s third wife, but his first affair [that we know of], while he was married to my mom… and who I didn’t meet until our dad and her mom got married, in fact, she didn’t know my dad was her dad until then either, told ya, soap opera! LOL.. My dad was never physically abusive with my mother and visa versa, but I’ve unfortunately seen and been in relationships where men did that to me, including my ex-husband [my daughter's father], part of the reason we split up when she was only a baby.
I have a son who’s 23 and lives and works in Manitoba, Canada. He’s not married, no kids [again long story...] another soap opera! My daughter and I live in Alberta, Canada. My daugher is no where near being ready to date or marry. Her special needs make her VERY immature for her age.
I’m so sorry you haven’t slept in days! When I first found out this last time that my Clay had been unfaithful…with the exception of looking after my daughter and working, I pretty much stopped functioning. I didn’t eat for weeks on end [mostly due to the thought of them together and what he had done and was continuing to do, made me sick, so the thought of food was a turnoff], I didn’t sleep for days on end. Finally, I started getting control and looking after myself again. On the plus side though, between lots of exercise and eating only enough to keep myself going, it helped me lop off a few extra poundsi…so see, every cloud does have a silver lining! LOL..
I understaned how you feel about your mom…my mom was the strongest person I knew, life’s circumstances brought her to her knees more than once, but she fought her way back from personal loss and numerous health problems…seems like the only chronic health condition/disease she didn’t have was cancer. She beat the odds, every time, when the doctors and science weren’t in her corner, until last year…it was a blessing actually, between her health deteriorating and the family chaos, she is finally at peace and no longer in pain, so as much as I miss her, I take solace in that. I understand what a heavy load you carry in looking after your family. My father is married, but due to family chaos we’re enduring…I’ve been trying to help him financially, while paying my mom’s final expenses and trying to raise my daughter and look after our own household with no child support currently from my exhusband..that’s why I have two jobs. It’s a heavy load we carry, sometimes our knees bend…I know.
Gardening is very therapeutic! My mom loved her flowers and vegetables and I grew to love gardening, because of her…our short growing season here makes it difficult though [example, we got snow yesterday]! LOL…it’s almost June!
I’m in my early 40s, my Clay is in his mid to late 50′s and is a Libra [that says it all]!!! LOL..
Growing up on the farm as I did, I miss having a pick up truck sometimes. I have an old beater of a car, but it’s serves it’s purpose…gets my daughter and I from point A to B.
You like working vets? Your a Jill of all trades! LOL… I think that’s great, I’m not quite that handy with autos. But could change a tire if I had to and know where the gas, oil and windshield washer fluid go! haha If by vets, you mean, Corvettes, my favourtie is the stingrays.
My father, ‘acciddentally’, picked up my journal one and started reading it [since then, I don't keep a paper journal...all on my home computer now], but skimming through what I had to that point, he warned to never publish it, as it would upset too many people, especially family and relatives. Oh well…my journal isn’t for them, it’s an outlet for my feelings when there is no place for them to go and by keeping them in, it’s only hurts me more.
I have the absolute worst taste in men. Most of the men [including my exhusband, were all complete as..h....les! They always start out wonderful, but end up becoming abusive or treating me badly. In fact, my Clay, is the first one that my friends, family and parents actually liked. Well, my mom loved him and thought he was the perfect man for me and couldn't have done better if she had hand picked him [I never told her about his infidelities as I knew it would have broken her heart] and I just couldn’t do that to her. My mom had a sick sense when it came to men I’ve been involved with, all she had to do was meet them or talk to them once and she could tell [I don't know how], but she knew whether they worth keeping around and not until Clay, was she fully endorsing the choice in a man I made. She fell almost as hard for him as I did. On paper he looks perfect [everything you ever wanted in a male], until you look deeper beneath the surface! He’s a Libra true to form in every way…and I’m an aquarius! So was his exwife, who by the way, is still friends…her and I have met and become friends too, just as I have with his kids [so unlike what I encountered growing up].
And sad, but true…Clay is the best of the worst of all the men I’ve dated, been engaged to, married or had a child with over the years. How scary is that..that’s part of what makes me fearful of moving on. I’ve always have such poor judgement with men, never trusted my gut and I fear, if I walk away from what we have…I’ll end up with something worse. The old saying, ‘The evil you know, is better than the evil we don’t’.
Anyways, I hope today, Friday, is a better day for you and me! It’s 5:50am here, with the time difference, what time is it there? We need some fun in the sun!!!! Lets go dancing and party together! LOL…I’ll join you down south! I wish..
I’m here if you need me! Sending you a big hug across the miles…
Love ya!
Amber having a tuff day sorry one of those day that the tears just flow
Hello Amber, reading your letter you are so far ahead of the game you can fight the fights that need it that is a great thing to hold and to have, Most of the time LOL, I went to breakfast with my youngest daughter she is 22 and she asked momma what wrong for the pass few days you haven’t been your self your mind and body has been so far away, I told her I was tried she said try again see we have this thing if I know they were B.S.ing me I gave them one chance to tell me the truth, try again, so she called me on the carpet and I was telling her the truth I am tried, I havn’t slept in 2 days one the cold I have and 2 all the crap on my mind I can’t sleep. and it just don’t seem to end, I take care of my dad, mom passed away about 4 1/2 years ago. so I know how you feel on that as well my mom was my best friend, she was a strong women not to make fun of this but she died 6 times and came back to life all 6 times a doctor came to me and said you should just let her die and be done with it well I wouldn’t have done that and or said that to a person like me I went off no realy went off. when mom got better and went to the doctors she told my mom that she should pick some one eles to be her P.O.A. mom just said no I picked the right one. a few of the doctors and nurse’s let mom know what I did and said, mom was proud of me. if she would of told me any differnet then that would have been done. see my parnets were married for 25 years divorced and after 5-6years mom took the house from dad, dad said I want to come home , mom said no more cheating and hitting dad said fine mom asked me I told her if this is what she wants fine told dad don’t even think about pulling any crap and you can move home and that was it. they moved in together and took care of each other. I’m the middle child so yes I’m a fighter. 2 older sisters 2 younger brothers Bring it on LOL. but my one older sister is a pice of work don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to put up with her. but that is a whole other drama crap. ok let chat on some of the fun things in life I live in Ohio so summer is almost here at least in the weather, sunny and warm I love summer, I snow plow in the winter and I realy dislike winter lol. when my dad passes I plain on getting out of here and go south for the winter. I love to garden plaint flowers my front yard is all most done, I just got one of those hanging tomato plant thinges LOl like you no room, I had a nice vegie garden in the back of the grage. but I had to turn it in to a cemerty my cat passed away and grandbaby fish. so what do you do right? LOL it is what it is and move on, it not big but it was a little spot. but I love to garden and so does the baby we will call her sunshine because that is and allways has and will be my sunshine. so your daughter will be 16 and looking at the boys LOL sorry but I know what you are going through. well lets look at it from this view you are pass jr. high school going down the home front. just keep reminding her this is not who you will marry boys will come and go I’ll let you know when the right one comes along. LOL my youngest is 22 and she is married and she will tell you she got married to young. at one time she wanted kids I told her your not ready for that plus you will losse that rocking body you have. a few days later she came to me and said your not wrong to offten in life. so I think I’ll hold off on the kid thing for awhile. LOL ha ha ha ha. my oldest will be 30 in july and never married the good guys she has had in her life she dumped the ass hole she has she can’t let him go. I just thank god I have the baby and they don’t live with me LOL. sunshine is 9 yrs old 3rd grd. and a good girl. when it comes to music we are on the same page ! you must be in your mid -40? for me pass that mid part lol I drive a pick up truck HEMI 2500 8ft. bed I love my truck!!!!! not big on cars I do alot for the vets and like working with them. I’m glad to see you keep a journal I had one but clay frond it and it started a big fight. clay has been snopping around lately. he figered out that I don’t tell him every thing any more. Surprize!!!! and the fight was over that I shouldn’t feel the way I do because he loves me. WHAT!!!!! and another day gone. Amber we are pretty much at the same place working on our selfs and trying to put our lifes in a order that we can see and deal with. you are right god put us in each others path because we need each other and understand each other and I thank him for that. I will let you go for now chat with you friday if you have some time thanks love ya JP
Everything okay with you JP?
Hi JP,
Sorry you have to deal with seeing your Clay’s other and I do understand why you don’t let him see or know it’s gets to you. I think it’s wonderful all you do for your family and inlaws. It’s hard not to though, isn’t it, when your lives have been so intertwined for so long..
Hmm…what have I been doing to work on myself. Well, I’ve taken a step back to try and look things more objectively, spending more time quality time with me, going for walks, and thinking of life more in terms of myself, instead of us and started making a list of things I want to do, short and longterm goals, including travel. I started a journal a few years ago [using blunt honesty and my naked and vulnerable feelings and putting them down into written form] and it’s turned more of a book though, as it’s about my life to this point and is more than 800 pages now with all the good, bad and ugly. It’s forced me to take a hard look at myself, my situation and others who have come into and out of my life. I don’t bend and fit my life around his timetable anymore, like a lap dog just waiting for scraps and crums of his affections and time. For instance, last Friday, we were supposed to spend together, as he usually spends Friday, Saturday, Sunday with me. Well, instead I called him and told him not to bother coming over, as I couldn’t deal with seeing him. I’ve told him, I don’t trust him and the way he’s treating me isn’t helping. I’m always conflicted, heart vs. head and told him that yes it hurts not to be with him, but it also hurts to be with him and have not give me the love and affection I deserve and that sometimes it’s just easier not to be around him. I’ve told him time and time again, if he doesn’t love me or feel that way about me anymore or never did, want to be with me or would rather f…k other women or that married thing he was cheating on me with, then go…I said there’s the door, walk walk, if that’s what you want…but if you do, don’t look back and stay the H out of my life. I know by doing, it gives him all the power, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to walk away. So, I basically told him, I’ve done and am doing everything I can to save this relationship and the ball is now in his court and if he wants this to work, then he needs to meet me at least halfway, or he’s wasting both our lives and time and love. And life is way too precious and short to waste it on wasted love…know what I mean.
I know what you mean about still loving Clay, there was one point while the affair with the married woman was continuing. I actually wondered, if having my eyes opened to it and him made me fall out of love with him and even my eyes began to wander as a result, but I reined in those feelings. Taking a page from Clay and other people [friends], who’ve had affairs [that just confuses and complicates things even more], because even though what you’re doing in the moment might feel good, it doesn’t leave a person feeling good in between those times.
My daughter will be 16 this July and is finishing grade 10. She loves spending time outdoors, swimming, riding her bike. Indoors, she likes watching tv, eating, playing with our cat. When I’m/we’re not working [I deliver flyers part-time with her when I'm not at my full-time job], she likes to go shopping, out for treats, movies…etc. You know, normal teen girl stuff…she has started developing crushes on boys, but because of her special needs, I keep a very close eye on her and any relationships that might arise. She is full of energy and her special needs make her a handful to deal with, especially when she’s not medicated and sometimes, working my part time, full-time job, dealing with Clay and other extended family issues [especially since my mom passed away last year], so sometimes it’s difficult to keep up with her.
I’m trying to keep myself healthy [mind, body and soul]…because if I don’t look after myself, I’m no good to anyone else!
My full-time is flexible and non-stressful, I like that, I work the hours that suit me. I definitely a ‘morning person’, early morning. I start my full-time job at about 4:30am and finish at 12:30pm, Monday to Friday for a media company [where I monitor the news]..short, I get paid to watch tv and listen to the radio and then transcribe news stories on the computer, where we have clients who read that and decide if they want a dvd or transcript of a certain news segment.
I love gardening, but don’t have much space for that where we live now. We have a little cement patio in our townhouse unit, that already has some planter boxes built in by a stone retaining wall, but there are perennials that come up each year there already that were planted before we moved in. I don’t have quite the green thumb my mom had for flowers…but vegetables, I’m very good at growing [no place for it hare though]. I would love to have the huge veggie garden like I did as a kid. Lots of work, but the end product and nuturing it and watching it grow was well worth it. Kind of like a relationship! Miracle Gro works great on flowers and vegetables. I have favourite flowers, one of them, is a lilac tree that grows on my patio [but they bloom once a year for about a month and already in coming into bloom here], so I will enjoy that, as short-lived as it is. What kind of gardening do you do and like?
I know what you mean, I would love to scream, throw things and really show Clay how angry and hurt I am, but what good would it do…
If it’s 80 Farenheit there, I’m guess you’re in the United States or beyond. I live in Canada and we’re in Celsisu and only about 15 degrees today, with a chance of rain and snow.
So, other than gardening and looking after your family. What do you like to do for fun JP? You mentioned dancing? What kind? I love all kinds…great exercise, great stress reliever and so much fun!!! Music too. I was raised on a farm, but live in the city now [have since I was 17 and graduated high school], so you name it, Country & Western, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s…Disco, pop, soft rock, Latin…etc. How about you?
Love ya!
They say people are brought into your life for a reason! I’m appreciate you and am grateful for you and your support! Thank you!
I promise to have that drink my hand and dance this weekend! Talk soon..
Amber just refreshed the page take that day off and go see sex in the city then tell me if it was good I want to see it and so do my daughters I would like to go with them just us 3 and then to dinner. I know all to well that feeling with the anniversary been there done that too are you sure we don’t have the same man LOL. my clay is not a fighter either BUT I AM LOL and I don’t blame you I would try to keep the peace this weekend also and vaction is next month and you are so right day by day sometimes min by min LOL hows the weather by you we are in the 80 today so I want to get the rest of the flowers planted to day what are you up too? take care JP
ok I’m back what a kick in the butt grandbaby’s bus stop is at the top of her street.so monday-friday I can see her house, she drives down my street her daughter does the same her kid works at the place my father in law takes me too for lunch. after I take him to the doctors or some where he wants to go clays dad lives with us again this is the 4th. time dad is 79 yrs.old and I take care of him and clays mom and my dad.
plus my grandbaby and my kids but this is ok I have rebuilt a life with each one of them it’s not the family “time or way” as much at one point in my life thats all it was about Family mom and dad. I plained to grow old with him retire and travel. see I told god I had a plain he laugh see I didn’t say my prayers and ask I just told him. so now when I say them at night I ask god to show the plain and I’ll try to follow it.
I know you feel like life is out of control and it is but you need to find the will to work on your self the way will come if you have the will you will find the way, it’s going to be hard you are working with your heart,
I can’t tell you I don’t love my Clay because I do. but I’m not in love with him the way I should be or used to be. working on my self is working on the closer I need to move on and to beable to give with my heart and find love and ask god for the plain to find the happy ever after. Amber you talk about the passed and not dwelling on it how does trust rebuild when no answers are given? how does closer happen when talking is not opened?
both Clays are not giveing us what we need or answering the question we need answered so we are allways thinking they are cheating and they might not be. but they have handed out so much crap and said we were crazy it’s all in our head about a affaire when all the while they were lying. All is not alright with either one of us or them if it was the feeling would be there too. good feeling not what we have of distrust, no scerity, no plain in the furture, very little affection and no passion. Amber tell me what you have been doing to work on your self? how’s your daughter? what are her likes. does she go to a school ? how does she like that? do you like your job? tell me about it? do you like garding? what do you and your daughter do for fun? my granddaughter and I are so close she calls me mom every once in awhile. I always made our house for kids this way I always new where my kids were who they were with and what they were doing. so I’m working on that for the garndkid LOL as well she is A ONLY child, so I had clay start getting the pool opened. and getting her friends phone # and parnets name’s so I can start plainning to have some of her friends over during the summer. we start book club this monday. like you Amber clay and I have been the only stable thing in her life. I have the will and are finding way to make this a little better for her. the unknowen of how clay will be with her and the kids after the papers come is a little gut turnning but kids can’t keep you together and I think that is what clay is banking on because I made it that way all about family. put the kids before me took the kids feeling and not hurting them allways looked at the out come of the kids. thats a BIG bank account, clay has. I wish my daughter would get off the night shift. this would be a little easer for me, but what can I do? live this way I don’t think so when clays affaire drives by I don’t let clay know that I’m P.O. but I were my feelings on my face he seems to know even if he’s not home he’ll pull up and say whats awrong you look P.Off I tell him no or the kids are driving me crazy or I cant move this I don’t tell him the truth it won’t do me any good any more. I feel like screaming and going off again!!!! and running over that dam barking dog. LOL mind you never ran over the barking dog LOL and I’ve done all the yelling and screaming & crying that he was worth awhile ago. my pay back to her is looking at my yard & my house, and my family. while she and her kid live with her mom & dad, Clays pay back is the unknowing with us and that she is seening and sleeping with some one new !!!!!!! AMBER do a shot or 2 and dance with a drink in hand!!!!! it will all work out in gods time, I’m here and love ya JP
I know…and I know by calling her I took that chance and even if it’s not with her, it could be someone else. Anyways, she didn’t return my call, which is fine. I called Clay after and told him what I had done and why. He again said everything is fine. I called her back this morning and left message saying to forget my message from yesterday and not to bother calling me back as I had answered my own question. I called her, because I didn’t want to wonder, I just wanted the truth either way. I won’t call her agian, at least I’ll do my best not to. But, I will still try to get it out of Clay what, if anything, he’s hiding now. Other affairs, etc… I’m not a confrontational person and neither is Clay, unless we’re provoked. Which I find ironic that he would have an affair because the truth always has a way of coming out, which leads to unavoidable confrontations, but he truly believed he would never get caught! I think if I check his Blackberry I’ll get my answers — but we’ll also end up fighting about it, due to his privacy issues and I’m not sure I want to spend our anniversary fighting. I almost find calling it our anniversary laughable, as after he spent our 10th, wining & dining her in some romantic getaway. It’s hard not to look at that day as tainted now, even though it’s the past…
Talk soon….
Thank you!
Do I see marriage in our future? No, he’s become a broken record about that saying he’s been married once and won’t get married again. I don’t know if I want to be married again…but, I do like having someone around [I miss the cuddling, kissing...etc.], but both he and I enjoy having our space too. So, I don’t know what the future holds for Clay and I…right now, the future is making through each day, living each day.
I try to remember not to sweat the small stuff, or the things I can’t change and be grateful for what I do have.
I think it’s great you’re planning those things for yourself..I’m starting on a much smaller scale than that [ie...maybe seeing the new Sex in the City movie this weekend]
Dear Amber, how are you today? the party and the camping and redoing the house is all a plain something to look forward too. will I have the money to do all that I don’t know but the party I’m saving for that LOL. see Amber this is called working on me, moving forward with out my Clay, thing I want done, things that help me move forward keeping my mind off the cheating and the lying, the money he put out the weekend get aways he spent with her while I sat at home takeing care of the kids and the house and laundry ect….
I see you called Clays X married girlfriend to see if he cheating with her again I will pray hard that you just didn’t open pandora’s box, we don’t know how it ended, or who ended it or why “if ” it eneded I think at least with her it has. but you just gave them reason to talk pray hard that she just leaves it alone and don’t call him to say you called her, it will get back to him have no dout about that, she will talk and tell someone who will let Clay know that you called her. but she also knows you left a door open and you think he is still cheating still the trust issuse no need to call her, what do you think she will tell you? do you think she will tell you that yes we are seening each other and take the chance that you would find away to tell her husband or his family and friends? remember cheating lying. hidding, sneaking, dishonest, Do not call her!!!! if you have too drive by Clays house or where he hangs out. warening this doesn’t mean a dam thing either. he can always be pick up, and leave the lights on in case you would drive by, unless you just stoped by to spend some time together. of corse you didn’t feel the need to call ahead you just stoped by, Clay know what you are feeling and what you are going through and he knows he F….. up but have to face the hurt in your eyes and hart he don’t have the balls that it takes to repaire what he has done, and you need to think about this as well if you can get by the affaire, you know he will think of her offten, a song on the radio, a place they went,a long stair in to space and you ask what are you thinking about and Clay will say nothing, will it be about her? Ok you are pass the affaire and something new comes up Clays not the type to be open with you now will he be later? will he be willing to share what is on his mind and talk things through? do you see marriage with Clay? do you see your self in a wedding dress at the church saying I do with Clay? Let me share a few things with you, the affaire that my Clay had I was so hurt and depressed that I let everything go the things I loved my house and yard I didn’t give a shit what they looked like. when I started working on me that changed I love summer I love getting out in the yard and planting my flowers and cutting the grass I took pride in all that and it showed, well this is my year I started planting my flowers Clay has gotten the grass to look how I allways keep it no weed the bushes are well trimed ect… But my Clay shit where he eats I’m out planting my flowers and who drives by
yep!!!! and it hurts and P.me Off YEP it does see if you walk out my front door go 6 houses down make a left hand turn and the 7th. house on the left is where she lives. so he shit where he eats and expects me to stand here and smell it. he wont sell the house and we move out of here, see our marriage is not worth that to him then it is not worth that either to me, so in the divorce I will fight for MY house, and when the market is better I might sell it or when I find the man of my dreams I might move him in and enjoy the house that clay will and has been paying for I don;t know what plain god has for me or you but he does have the master plain everything happnes for a reason and this pain and hurt we are going through right now is for the better life later I belive that and at one point the point you are at Amber I didn’t see it either. BRB to finsh this but have to get the granddaughter off to school BRB
Thanks JP. The party and the band sound wonderful! I wish I was there…I love to dance! It’s so freeing, you can let go, let the music move through you and move you and transport you, even it it’s just for a moment…into another place or time.
I think that’s truly amazing that you’re helpiong your daughter and granddaughter and redoing your home and camping, etc. If I had the money and time…so I make little improvements here and there. It’s difficult to do that though looking after my daughter and with all other things that come first. I agree, I should take a day just for me.
I know I can’t change Clay and just need to work on myself and little by little I’m beginning that process. It took me so long to trust Clay again way back in our relationship after I had found out about his first affairs, the ones he promised me he would end as he said he only wanted me. I did eventually learn to trust him again, only to find it shattered. Now it’e so broken and I know actions speak louder than words and I’ve tried explaining this to him and that while he continues to tell me all is okay between, the lack of actions tells me otherwise. He keeps telling me he loves me and we’re okay. But his wods are small comfort and words don’t keep me warm at night, nor do foster trust and helping in rebuilding our relationship. I know the past is gone and I can’t dwell on or changed what happened. It is what it is…
I keep praying for strength and guidance and courage…meanwhile I just continue to keep putting one foot in front of the other, taking it day by day…
Wish I were there dancing with you! My weekend, not sure yet…Hopefully see the new Sex In The City 2 movie! Clay’s and my 12th anniversary is this Sunday, so I’m not sure what will happen then. Just like my birthday and Valentine’s Day this year..I’ve stopped making the reservations for us and let him do it. If he wants to do something special with and for me. He can start taking the initiative…!
I will put on some music and have imasgine the band and party you are at. Have a drink and dance and party like I’m there with you!
Love ya back and thank you…!
Amber Hi. hon how are you? trust is hard to get back when it is broke and the bull crap has been handed to you so easely and with a the broken heart never mends with out honesty there is no trust my clay has never given me what I needed either. do I trust him NO WAY IN HELL!!!!! LOL I just worked on myself, it is no longer about him it is about you and your daughter, its about you!!!! the past is the past and looking head to maybe the same line of crap,and his actions speek louder then words, the Clays in our lifes is not for me, moving ahead starting the work that you need to do is HARD & TUFF try this give your self a goal date, make a list on paper of things you need from him by your goal date, I need more openness, I need to feel safe, I need him to xyz. you know what you need you need a goal date every time he meets one before goal date that goes in the good side but if he misses well that goes on I’ll never see this side. see what side filles up first. I think you know deep down what needs to be done and scared to move forward Amber you will not miss out on anything, but by holding on, back, waiting for clay to change you are missing out on so much on life, I was were you are, no more no longer my clay is trying to keep up with me, Good luck with that a.. hole you had it and with your owen hands you throw it all away. I’m not going to tell you that the family is happy about this there not I do worrie about our granddaughter but she seems to be the one that will have it hard I;m thankful school is almost out, wont do this to her while school is in 11 more days, see she lives with us her mom works the night shift, so I do understand when you talk about your daughter I do understand, but you need to think of her as well you don’t think she feels your issuses with clay you are wrong on that it is your daughter she feels you, do youi think clay would stand by her if you left him? ……………… if your answer is no what the hell are you staying for he will only stand by her if you are there what does that say about him I’ll love her on the fact you are in my life?????? what side do you think this belongs on? Amber you tell me this is only a question but things you need to think about. there are a few more I will hit you with wensday, don’t want to over load you today, so tell me what plains do you have for this weekend? are you expecting anything? tell me you will have a few drinks and laugh this didn’t happen over night and we both see it’s not going to be fixed over night either LOL so please laugh for me watch a funny movie my was and still is Sam Kinchen yes he is has passed away but dam funny as all hell peee my pants, cry your eyes out funny, and this is what you need, if you can take a day off this week and spend some time by your self. no need to tell anyone your staying home, take a walk in the park start to clear your head think about what you would do if Clay was gone, me I’m going to get rid of all the clutter in my house, I’m going to repaint each room. hang new curtins, make my house a nonsmoking home, redo the title in the bathroom it’s pink and 16years of it I’m done. I’m going to find a good man that likes to garden with me and is handy and likes to redo a house to make it our home, I’m going to have a party like no other. and have a band, I’m going to put my camper in one spot and go every weekend, all but the weekend of the party and band!!!! I’m going to dance untill the band stops and packs up, Amber what are you going to do? I’ll chat with you tommorow take care love you hold honey gods working on us LOL all in his time not ours LOL I’m here love ya JP
Justine…
OOPS! I accidentally deleted myself as a subscriber to receive my daily horoscope email, can you please fix that for me so I don’t miss anything, including tomorrow’s post?
Thank you…
Thanks Justine…will do. Me too!
I actually contacted the married woman he had been having an affair with for years today, despite her telling me last November she was done with Clay and their affair. She hasn’t responded back yet. I want to believe her and believe that Clay is not cheating on me with her or anyone else, but it’s hard not to question everything, when he won’t talk to me [he'll listen, but won't talk] and with him continually spending less time, being less affectionate [despite him saying we're okay].
Amber,
Keep an eye out for a post titled “Trust is Like Gold” (should be up on the blog tomorrow) … we’ve turned your comment into a post… should be interesting to see what kind of feedback you get
Hope it helps…
Sending love & support…
JP…
I’m really struggling with how to begin rebuilding the trust in Clay’s and my relationship. He’s a very private person and although, I’ve approached him with the idea of us seeking counselling, he won’t even consider it and just laughs it off… However, he won’t talk to me about it either and although, I know rehashing the past isn’t constructive. He won’t talk to about what happening now, other than to tell me, everything’s fine between us, he loves me and that I don’t have worry about other women, but says he has no idea why is putting up road blocks when it comes to being intimate or affectionate with me or spending more time together. I want so much to believe him and in us again and to stop questioning and worrying about whether he is lying to me or whether he’s cheating, but our past is making me guarded and our present, is making me moreso, especially when things seem to be at a stalemate and a future that’s uncertain. He tells me that he wants me in his life…but won’t elaborate past that. I’ve talked this over and over with him…he just says I need to relax! But how, for whatever reason he’s still putting up this wall or road blocks… Our anniversary is this weekend and our vacation is just over a month away. I’ve told him, I would relax a little more and be more trusting if he started being more affectionate with me. I’m not sure why or what he’s doing…Any chance you have a crystal ball there with you to see what he’s up to and whether we have a future together, we’re both satisfied with?
Wishing you love and happiness..
Hello Kathleen, J.P. here how are you today? would you like to talk? been through meny hurting and dissapointments in life, with cheating husband , 2 kids that are over the age of 21 but still act at times like 16 or younger and when they were 16 they tried to act like 21 yrs. old in taro cards I always get the man in battle all wraped up in and on a crouches. so I have been through allot. so we need to thank god and hold on to the good things we have. Kathleen would like to chat with you if you want. I check off and on today and the next few days if you want to talk. take a deep breath and again good I’m here take care god bless love ya J.P. if you want to pick a time so we can chat I’m good with that also
I am dying inside and the feeling gets worse everyday. I dont understand why…..So many hurts and dissapointments..
Thank You Gina rose!!!! this helps us alot it lets us know that we are not in it alone, it gives us a chance to vent and bond I try to leave feeling better about our selfs and gives a little help, divorce is not easey and never claimed it is or will be. I try to get people to work on them selfs first, and get your ducks in a row, try to work it out before you jump, the pain & anger that you are feeling clouds the judgement of what needs to be done and to put the closer on this chapter of your life before you can or will move on. thanks again Gina,
take care have a blessed life filled with love, JP
Hi,
I’ve sat back and read this thread for awhile now, I’ve seen this all before, as a professional psychic if 44 years….. and while I cannot address all of you in here….my humble advice is :
* IF you are one of those currently in a bad marriage,a marriage that you feel cannot be repaired for whatever your reason, leave….BUT… leave the right way, the honorable way, the healthy way……try not to cheat or leap into new arms before you are properly divorced. This way, you can hold your head up with honor and, later on in life, you will never be wracked by guilt. It is also a much better example for children to see.
* For those of you who are the victim of a cheater…..reach out and get counseling, in whatever form you feel fits your needs, that helps you take back your power and HEAL those wounds. So you can put past pain behind you and be and be able to trust again and find happiness.
I wish you all health, happiness, love, and much laughter and joy.
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500
JP, your a dear… Thank you, I feel like I need all the prayers I can get right and the same goes for you! I will pray that things keep going well for you as you rebuild your life after moving on from your ex!
All the best to you!
Thank you so much…All the best.
Amber take that long walk on the beach get your feet wet let the ocen winds help clear your head. the programs I was talking about country wide it part of the govements way of the bail out and it don’t hurt to look in to it. I’m going to pray real hard that this vaction turns clay around and he start walking to the plate and see how much you love him and along with that clay gives you the passion you need to keep it that way. but this isn’t about him it’s about you. good luck and god bless, keep in touch
Thank you JP, I love talking to you too! I’m not sure I’m as strong as you though. And those programs you speak of, I’m not sure if they’re available where I live?
Making him pay for the vacation! Good idea! haha
Clay has so many good qualities and that combined with my feelings for him clouds my judgement. He’s extremely intelligent, handsome, great sense of humour, talented [plays guitar and has a great singing voice], he’s financially stable and has been a stable father figure in my daughter’s life, despite all his faults.
Sad, but true Clay is the best of the worst, I’ve been with. I have the worst judgement when it comes to picking men, going back as far as my first boyfriend when I was a teen. I’m not so much worried about being alone, but rather…making a worse choice in the future, if I end things with him. You know the saying, the evil we know is better than the evil we don’t. Every man I’ve ever been involved with starts out as Mr. Wonderful and turns into Clay or worse.
Believe me, I prayed for help, strength and guidance to get me through this. One of my friends told me she thinks I’m the strongest person she’s ever met, with what I’ve survived and overcome in my life to this point…but right now, I don’t feel very strong and don’t see things all that clearly…despite trying to take a step back from the situation and look at things objectively.
Anyways, thanks again for your support, it means a lot!
Amber, girl OMG I got some answers for you the F…ing Clays in our life need awake up call!!!! go on that vaction make him pay for it you need this. take that long walk on the beech by your self ask god to give you the the will and the way to get you a great life, live laugh and flirt, you are not married!!!!!!! clay is a hunter he hunts for what he can’t have. he does everything to get the pray he wants then when he has it
he done with it. I don’t belive he would of keep the skank if she was avabile the hunts over. Your Turn Amber if you have had to think about this and you have meny time you know the answer the love that was there at one time is no longer, once the stone is throwen you can’t get it back. it is hard to move on I know this after been married for 25 years. you 2 are used to each other and starting all over is scarrie but liveing like this is killing me. when it comes to the house go to NACA.com this will not cost you a penny they can help you with the paper work. check into recounstioning you home loan NOT refinice that loan you dont want that!! RECO. of the loan means you have a hardship “your daughter”and money what this does is that they lower your house payment and as long as you pay the payment ON TIME for 3-6 month your low house payment will be locked in for the time of the loan, this way you have a LOWER PAYMENT this will help you 2 ways less stress on you and helps builds your creidt. your ulitiles gas & elect also have programs for you. my friend pays 150.00 for gas & elect both bills on a hardship program and as long as she makes the payment
ON TIME thats what her bills stay at, even in the winter for gas and summer for air cond. singal mom program look in to this too. I belive that once you get a better standing on the money issuse he wont beable to treat you like crap. you will be to strong for him, you will in his eye turn in to the hunt again. when he can’t have you is when he wants you but don’t let him do this again to you & again move on there is love looking for you as much as you are looking for it, I see a man that is searching for you that want to give you and your daughter the life with the house and white fence and the garden in the back yard. but you have to find the will to move on and god will give you the way, once you get back from vaction stop calling him, no email, no texting, there are plenty of single sites. that you don’t have to pay for start useing them to build your life with out him, let me tell you I’ve been living this life for 2 years and it’s not going to change the CLAYS and we are just wasting time 2 YEARS!!!!!! with every little to nothing
stop wasting time don’t waste any more time. I’m not I called my lawer yesterday set up appointmet
for next week, and once I give him the papers I’ll be on the sites as well I have looked but that is it looked
hell you can look chat and date and touch and have them winning & dinning you and you can get that long kiss in the rain or in the summer heat!!! GO GIRL!!!!!!! good luck god bless live and love to the fullest
Amber I love talking with you and would like to stay in touch with you, let me know how things are going and what you find out with NACA. chat with you later take care
JP, I forgot…Your question about, ‘Is there really love there?’ I’ve contemplated that for a long time, since finding out about the two of them…sometimes, I don’t know. I mean how can you claim to love someone and then show no respect for them or your relationship by constantly lying and cheating. I just know the trust is gone…I’ve forgiven him, I had to, for my own sake. And although I’m starting like you said to stand on my own two feet and start living my life for me and am doing my best not to live in the past. But I will never forget what he did and there is still so much anger and hurt, about everything that sometimes it overshadows my love and commitment to/for him. There was such a double standard in the way Clay treated this married skank versus the way he treated me, in every aspect of our relationship…other than he continually lied to both of us. On our 10th annivesary, he used an idea I suggested for a way for us to celebrate and took her instead, what a slap in the face that was; or that he would take her on the same vacations and vacation spots, even staying in the same rooms, just after we had been there and moreso, he pampered her constantly and I always received the short end of the stick and I still feel like I am, even though he says he is finally committed to me. And on our vacations, he made a point of calling her several times a day, every day…where on their vacations, didn’t contact me once. Until I out about the two of them a couple of years ago, I could count on one hand the number of times Clay told me he loved me over the span of our 10 years together, whereas he told her several times a day. And made the point of seeing her, wining & dining her everytime they got together during the week and weekends and being intimate each and every time, at least a couple of times. Once I knew, he started telling me every day, several times a day. Even now, like I said hardly any affection and at present, no deeper physical intimacy. He barely calls or emails me during the week, usually if I don’t call or him during the week, I don’t hear from him until the weekend and then he only the nights of weekends with me.
And, I really don’t get it…if you had seen this woman, she had nothing on me in the way of looks and that’s being polite and saw how little morals she had, not to mention she was married…how and why he could do that to me. I mean, she is charismatic, but that’s it!
Whatever the past is, it’s gone…and I’m not trying to dwell on it. I watched my mom do that for years with my dad and it just made her sick. I want to move on and if Clay is being faithful and honest with me finally, I wish it to be with him. But, it’s really hard to believe that’s true, with the way he’s still treating me. Our 12th anniversary is coming up at the end of this month and in less than two months we’re supposed to be taking an almost two week vacation away to the ocean together with couples that are friends/former coworkers of his. I just don’t know… Anyways, thanks for listening and letting me vent.
Thanks JP… The good thing about these forums is that is it’s a comfort to know you’re not alone and other people are going through similar things. Sounds like your ex got his! A little more history on my partner and me. He is about 15 years my senior. You asked if there is children involved. There is, however, his children grown living on their own, finished university, etc. My daughter is almost 16 and he has been the closest thing to a father she’s had for the last 12 years of her life, but my daughter is special needs and thus, doesn’t understand and may never understand the inner workings of a relationship and so, she knows nothing of our situation. My partner and I were both in the process of getting divorced when we met. He had been married to one woman for over two decades, whom he loved very much. He said there was no cheating there, they grew apart and they are still great friends. I’m very close to his family, including his exwife and visa versa, my family loves him. The only one of my family members who knows about what he did is my father and he hasn’t said too much about as my dad did the same thing to my mom [and she stayed because of how much she loved him and wanted to keep our family together], until he moved out and married someone else. My friends that do know are furious with him, but are supporting me no matter what I decide. Some of his friends know and former coworkers, but are still friends with him and have said nothing, as they are still friends ,after he retired last year after 36 years as a top executive for an oil & gas company.
When he and I started out, he said he wanted to be in a long-term committed relationship with me and about two months in, said after just coming out of a longterm committed relationship, he decided he wasn’t ready for that and wanted things to be more casual, so he could see other people, until he decided he was ready again to settle down. I agreed, my first mistake, instead of walking away. Over the next three years, he continued to see numerous women, including me and the married one [who was between husbands at the time] and which nearly broke us up back then. Anyways, after three years of this and things nearly ended between us, I gave him an ultimatum…to either commit to me and me alone or to walk out the door and never look back or contact me again. He choose to stay, saying he decided he loved and only wanted me, but told me he needed some time to gently let down this other woman. So I did, I gave a little time, in which he finally told me that things were finished between him and her [only they weren't and continued on, without my knowledge for a couple of years more, behind my back]. I found out later from the other woman, hen things finally did end between the two of them, it was only for about six weeks, when they accidentally crossed paths. She was already engaged in that short time to husband #4 and they decided to pick things right back up where they had left off and continued their affair, now behind both my and her husband’s back. She finally did tell her husband [who claimed he had known all along, as she was dating him at the same time she was dating my partner in the beginning] and until she found my wallet in my partner’s car, had no idea that I even existed. When she found out about, called my partner, lets call him, Clay [not his real name], and ended things with him. Her and I spoke again after that and she called him again to confront him on things I told her. He apologized to HER, not me, HER and they got back together again, behind my back until a couple of months later, when her and I spoke again and she told they had resumed their affair once again behind my and her husband’s back. It came to a head again, when she told Clay that she had told her husband and me everything. I almost broke things off then, I took everything that was his and returned it to his place, then changed my mind the very next day and told him, I wasn’t going to give him, especially, not to married skank like her and not after everything he had put me and our relationship through. So, Clay once again had both us right where he wanted us, having his cake and eating it too. Things were okay for a little while, until I noticed he was withdrawing more and more from me. About six months after all this happend, my mom passed away and he withdrew even more, we still did our annual vacation together, followed by Clay and this other woman’s vacation together, but you could tell things had changed. By this time, we were going a month at a time, without having sex. In September of last year, this other woman was at Clay’s house, after returning from a vacation with her husband and happened to find some of my lingerie in one of Clay’s bedroom dresser drawers. She had demanded that Clay and I not sleep or have sex in his bed, WHAT NERVE, like she has any moral authority over me! Anyways, when she found my lingerie and confronted him on it, he lied of course, so she called me that very moment, we arranged to meet in person for the first time the very next day and when she heard what I had to say, also seeing the formal pictures we had taken together and the letter he had written me three years into our relationship, telling me, he loved and only wanted me and was going to end things with her. She permanently ended things with him. I even called her a couple of months later to confirm. However, since it’s been several months since Clay and I have been intimate, I’m beginning to wonder. He says there is nothing wrong and loves me and he’s not cheating on me, but he’s such a convincing liar that I’m almost tempted to call that woman again. But talking to her is like chewing on rusty nails for me. The property we own is my home, he cosigned for me, so I could buy it — as I don’t have or make enough money to do it on my own. I honestly don’t know what to do…
JP… Thank you for your response to my question. You make a very good point in asking, “What would I do with that information should my suspicion be true?” Well, I certainly wouldn’t want to hurt anyone especially if they weren’t ready to know the truth if they were being deceived. I’ve been told I’m a strong person since in my personal life I went with my gut feeling and found the truth in my relationship which put the “kabash” on it. Being told that about myself leads me to believe others wouldn’t be able to handle it. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t question her situation. So with that, I would let Sleeping Dogs LIE ….. if in fact he is being a DOG.
I appreciate your suggestion. It made me realize that it really is Not my business to get involved and maybe in this case…..Ignorance is Bliss!
(please excuse the cliches, but sometimes they can be appropriate as in this case)
Suspicious (but keeping it to myself ; )
Grasshopper
The Problem with television that programs our society today is that it portrays various evils as, it’s ok these are the consequences of it all but it’s just life so partake from the tree. Enjoy it’s fruit…
In the reailty of consequence we feel the true emotion and burn without the knowledge of good.
The knowledge of how to balance and manage our feelings and emotions.
The prisons are full of the glorified villians created by the imbalance and lack of the knowledge of wisdom and understanding.
Mothers-Fathers- teach your son’s and daughters well… for truly you are in control of the future
K your are so right and I pray that I & we that have had our hearts broken by a cheater find one of those men they are out there, I have a list of good and you got to go show me one thing on the got to go list and your gone. LOL not young not dum and sure not up for this crap ever again LOL.
good luck god bless live and love to the fullest
Suspicious it sounds like you would like to follow him and that could happen his wife can tell you when he going out. tell your friend you like to get her out of the house one night when the husband is going to be working late and take her out .I’m sure you have at least 1 friend that would follow him or at least see if he is where he said he be, but and if he is cheating what would you do with the info you may get on him? would you tell your friend? or would you keep it to yourself? you say the are both on meds, well meds do lower the sex drive, how are they as a couple? does he attend to her needs? it is not hard to catch a cheater. look at the comments we have found out about the cheaters in our lifes hell even know where they live, work, some have even talked to the other women, so this isn’t hard. it all about what you would do with the info!!! after you throw the stone you can’t get it back. so how bad do you realy want to know? good luck god bless live and love to the fullest, P.S. if you plain to do it let me know I have ways that would help you.
A friend of mine who’s been married for six year just told me that she & her husband had sex about 3 times since their marriage. She said she doesn’t really care eventhough she loves him bcuz she’s not really feeling it herself. I know she isn’t in good health physically and emotionally and takes meds for her many conditions. As far as her husband, she told me he can’t perform though he’s tried therapy, antidepressants and that “little blue pill” does Nothing for him. She’s not working and rarely leaves the house unless it’s with him. He works and sometimes leaves to work on projects outside the home (so she’s told me). I’m kind of suspicious about him and think he might be having an affair or fooling around. Maybe he’s not that into her since she can be quite needy and has no other interests. I just find it hard that a man is satisfied with a sexless marriage. You might say I’m cynical but I think it’s just practical! Of course, I wouldn’t ever mention that to her but I find it rather bizarre and questionable on his part. Though it’s not my business, I’d like to know what anyone else thinks about this?
Well, there are many differences between a one time cheater and a chronicle cheater. Chronicle cheaters lack of respect for the others especially their partners. Lacking of respect for the others may caused by one’s egocentric and extreme selfishness. At the end, chronicle cheaters are absolutely big liars who are in love with themselves only, and they can never change. They hurt the others without remorse. In terms of personality, the deep layer of chronicle cheaters are cold and emotionless. Unhappy with their partners is not the real reason for them to cheat. Such conclusion is from my own experience with a chronicle cheater.
A strong man will be able to fight temptation.
A strong man will be faithful.
A strong man will communicate with their significant other his thoughts, needs, desires and weaknesses.
What seperates homo sapien male animals from the other male animals is their ability to reason.
If they do not have the ability to deny such temptations and ‘UNDERSTAND’ why they desire sex with many women, then they are not strong males. Some men give in to the urges, not all, but I am afraid there are more weak men than strong, as the comments/responses to this article has proven.
Good luck to all the women here in finding the man that is strong enough for them and can give them the lasting, honest relationship they deserve.
Was with a man for 5years only to find out that after 5years of supporting him fininacially, giving him a place to live, doing his laundry, and having him not pay a penney for anything, not even rent to find out that he was still very much married to his wife. All I know is that he was a manipulator, a abuser and user, and a cheat. To all the ladies if a man tells you that he is visiting his children with his supposedly ex-wife in the same house/apartment and he is sleeping on the couch when he is there, do not believe that there is nothing going on with him and his wife. Leave him before it is too late. A cheat will always be a cheat, if he has done it to you he will do it again and again.
with out honesty there is no trust
with out trust there is no love
with out love there is nothing
what goes around comes around
all ways in a 10 fold
what you give is what you get
always in a 10 fold
Action’s always speek louder the words
There are 4 things that you can not recover in life
(1) The stone …….. after it’s thrown
(2) The word……… after it’s said
(3) The occasion…..after it’s missed
And the
(4) The time…. after it’s gone
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, a honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring.
All of which have the potential to turn life around.
good Morals build GREAT friendships that will last a life time.
All in gods time not mine!
this is just things I live by in my life I pray alot and put the rest in gods hands.
want to make god laugh tell him YOU have a plain.. LOL
good luck god bless live and love to the fullest
G.M. Amber how are you today? I see you have a lot on you’r mind honey, I feel bad that you have had to go through this and the feeling you are having are tuff I loved my soon to be X and after I found out about his affair I tryed to forgive and tryed to rebuild trust but with all the lyies and the money and the Bull S… the trust is gone, I was handed the same crap, the passion is gone he tryed to be affectionate after the affair and it’s not their for me either.he is happy with you because you are conforting to him who wants to loose that? my soon to be X don’t. I have told everyone to get a plain and start working on you’r self. a broken heart is one of the hardest thing to mend, I found that when I started working on me I came alive again. I started to live like I’m already divorced, if you have read the older comments you know this.
It was not a walk in the park to get started on and still I have mills to go but I DID START!!!!! I like you and the other all long for that passion, and the affection of a long kiss in the rain or being held at night, I cant tell you how much I miss that I’ve put my plain in to action 14 month ago. but to have all that is missing out of my life it’s been 2 yrs. of living like this, I’m not big on divorce BUT can’t stand cheaters either!!! look what his affair’s has done to you? how much love is realy there between both of you? isn’t love everything
you are looking for and wanting and thinking about cheating to get? so tell me Amber how much love is realy there? about the Property well you buy him out, he buy you out, or sell it!!! Amber I’m not going to tell you not to cheat or cheat to stay in a deadend relationship or try to move on your young. it doesn’t sound like you have kids but if you do is this what you want to show or teach your kids ” cheating” what I will tell you is YOU HAVE MORALS!!!!! and that say’s it all, you are above any one that cheats, you have honesty. trust, love with a open heart, the MORALS!!! that you hold near and dear to you heart don’t come easey and you have worked on keeping them, can you tell me what you’r friends & family including his think about him? what do you think about him and be 100% honest with your self put it down on paper and take a look at it. did his coworkers know about the affaire? let me tell you something if they did they are looking at him as a lyer, sneakey,not trust worthey, my soon to be X’s little affaire got out and this was not her first married man somethings things came up at her office and she lost her job !!!! don’t know if she did it? or not, but they seen her as a lyier, sneakey, dishonest, and she lost her job that she was they well over 10-15 years her services were no longer needed, so if your boyfriends affaire has showen up at the office the coworkers know about it, just a little FYI I know this is true I called my husbands job wanting to see the scerity vidio’s for this one day I knew she was there well husband got call in the office, I never got a return phone call from his boss but husband came home and let me know he got pulled in the office that day. LOL may way of letting him he is a lyier and I have a set of balls to prove it!!! good luck god bless live and love to the fullest I’m here if you want to talk Amber
I empathize with what you above are going through. I’ve been in a long term relationship with a man for about 12 years. He has been constantly unfaithful to me, I’ve found out, pretty much for our entire relationship. The warning signs were there, but I just didn’t clue in. The last one that I know of actually ended a year ago, it was with with a married woman [who was on husband #4, admittedly told me she married men for money] and wasn’t going to give her husband or my boyfriend, even afte she knew that he and I had been together long before she entered the picture. To my dismay, I found out that my boyfriend had been treating this married woman he was cheating on me with better than me, in every respect and the only reason I found out about the two of them, is because she found my name and number and called me a couple of years ago to throw their affair in my face and actually hoped I would walk away, so she could have them both to herself. Anyways, things between them came to a screeching halt last September between them, when her and I agreed to meet up and talk in person. Since then, now that my boyfriend tells me it’s only me and he’s no longer cheating and that he loves and doesn’t want to lose me, but there is practically no affection and literally no sex now between us. He tells me there is nothing wrong and has no explanation for why he’s now treating me like this. He’s told me he has no excuses for what he did and that he didn’t mean for the affair to continue with her. Rebuilding trust and working through the pain is hard when I worry he’s still lying and cheating. I don’t know what to do, I’m head over heels in love with this man and we even own property together, but I’m a very affectionate and passionate person and it’s almost to the point, I’m ready to go back on my own morals and have an affair too, just to feel loved and special again, with the way he’s treating me. Help!
cheryl, key word BOYFRIEND, he cheated and you cheated and now you too fight well I pray you understand two wrongs don’t make a right, and that you see nither one of you are ready for the death do us part. the great thing about being young and no kids you can move on faster niether one of you will let the past be the past when it comes down to the cheating so stop fighting and move on to a new boyfriend who don’t know any thing about the cheating
Cajjun62 you ask the question was this cheating YES and your wife thinks so too. did you share the phone calls with her? or did you hide them? sounds like you hid them! was your wife included on the phone calls? I say no, would you want your wife doing what you were doing and hidding it from you? I have to say no to that one as well, cheating is hidding lieing, sneaking, taking time away from the wife and family!!!!!! look at it from this point do on to others as you would like other to do to you! when you start talking on the phone the next sextexing then the met then wife finds out then the family finds out then the divorce! so you figer it out. was it worth it ? just phone calls and look what you lost!!!!! so want the phone calls or your wife and family? by the way wife will have big trust issuses with you .good luck, god bless, live and love to the fullest!!!
Lady, you should have left your husband the first time he cheated on you. You need to teach him that his behavior is unnacceptable. He stays with you because you are a good woman and he loves you in his own way. You are missing out from true love and happiness, stop being so nice to him. Get enrolled in a gym to help you with your self esteem which I’m sure has a lot to do with why you are still with him. Get motivated and start making new friends. I’m sure once you meet that special someone and have a nice romance, it will be easier for you to let go of your lying, cheating husband. It has been way too long for you and you only live once so make the best of it while you still can. How can you not have sex in your marriage??? Tell him he better man up or else!!!!!!!! Women have needs too~