Dump That Loser!
Why are we holding on to people who obviously don’t do us any good? Why do we feel that knowing someone for a long period of time, or being in a relationship with someone, binds us to hold on to them for dear life, even when they are detrimental to our own well-being and self-worth? Somehow most of us seem to believe that we can’t do any better, or worse, don’t deserve any better.
Breaking the cycle of self-defeat and misery is hard to do but not impossible. So here are a few points that should help you make a decision to finally let the tool canoe sail away and start a new life, tool-free and happy.
It seems obvious that we shouldn’t spend time and space with people who lie to us. But dishonesty comes in many different forms and there are not all blatant lies. Another form of dishonesty is withholding; which, by the way, equals going behind your back. Some people argue they did it to “protect you.” Well, dishonesty never protects anyone and a partner or friend who cannot be straight with you is not worth holding on. Obviously, there are different levels of severity here. But a person who consistently chooses to lie or withhold from you is plain and simple engaging in tool-sheddery, not protecting you!
Most people don’t seem to understand that abuse does not necessarily only consist of physical violence. Abuse comes in many shapes or forms. Let me make it clear to you: any deliberate attack on your being is abuse! This includes people who love to embarrass you in front of others with demeaning remarks, which they then disguise as “humor,” attacking you for being too sensitive. Abuse is always about power, so if you ever wonder if something is abuse or not, consider the following: Is the goal of a person’s actions or words to put you down/dismiss you/hurt you or dominate you, in order for them to feel better about themselves, look good in front of others, or feel in control? If the answer is “yes,” it’s time to run.
Anyone who claims to be your true friend or partner will have your back in life! This is what distinguishes them from merely being an acquaintance. Loyalty does not mean that one has to agree with you all the time (this is where number one comes in again!), but it does mean standing by you in good and bad times. This includes certain rules such as not sleeping with your ex and not playing both sides, i.e. hanging out and engaging with those who have hurt you deeply. A person who loves you will stand up for you. They’ll help you fight your battles when you need help fighting them, and they won’t allow anyone to badmouth you or harm you, present or not! Disloyal people should always be eliminated from one’s life, because they cannot be true partners or friends. Why? Because they are not trustworthy, and their own self-interest will always win out over doing the right thing, or the minor detail of being your friend!
4. No Integrity
Integrity incorporates much more than being honest and loyal, because it’s about consistent actions, morals, values, principles and expectations. Integrity is the very opposite of hypocrisy, and a true virtue. Integrity is the most important trait within a human being, and anyone who does not have this trait should be avoided.
Not all selfish people act in ways that make them appear selfish at first glance. Hence, I’m not going to mention the obvious signs, but the hidden ones. Being self-centered includes anything and everything done for one’s own gain, advantage or pleasure, without any consideration for another. It’s as simple as that. An example would be someone who consistently puts your wishes aside to do something they want to do, regardless of how it makes you feel. I’m going to add an extreme example. My ex stood me up the day after I got released from the ER, claiming he had fallen asleep after work, when in fact he was at home all night playing World of Warcraft.
Obviously, there’s a common denominator here. Most people who refuse to let go of those who no longer serve them, or who harm them, seem to believe that they can’t do any better, or deserve no better. Anyone with true self-respect and self-esteem would not engage, and keep spending time and space with those who don’t deserve it. So if you’re one of those who finds himself/herself surrounded by insensitive pricks, selfish, rude and spineless jerks, or cheating and lying partners, it’s time to re-evaluate your life and re-discover your own self-worth.
You do deserve better, and you are no less or more important than those who keep disrespecting, ignoring and abusing you. Time does not equal ownership or entitlement. You don’t owe love, friendship, kindness or favors to anyone, just because you’ve known them for a while. Any partnership and friendship takes two to tango. You cannot succeed in creating lasting and intimate bonds with those who are neither capable, nor interested in the same. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone messes up, but the aforementioned points need to be taken seriously, if they are showing up consistently! There’s a difference between a one-time slip and a behavioral pattern. So if you want to live a tool-free life, go ahead and dump that loser. Trust me, there is better and healthier out there for you.